Pixie-Minx Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Ok so i have been having extreme emotions as those of you who are familier with my story know. however now that my best friend is home from holiday i seem to be coping better. tho i have decided i may need to seek proffesionl help. the problem i have now having delt with the fact my ex is seeing another and no longer wants me. How do i disperese the guilt that i messed up my chance to be happy? Over the many times we have split i have known it was never my fault, however this time becuase there is a thin line of logic im my ex's thinking for once i cant help but blame me! Every other time there has been no explination for his actions this time he took great pleasure in telling me i messed it all up! Recreational drugs: made him aware i used to take them, he didnt like and 2 months itno our realtionship i did, told him about it, he flipped but said he loved me so as long as i didnt again it would be ok... i stuck to that promise and never did break his trust. Only during the gaps when we had split did i indulge...(my own buisness) After he cheated and begged me back i told him he had no right to tell me what to do and he would have to accept it that once every few months i would do this, he took it in his stride and didnt bat an eyelid the first few times. We made things official and i mentioned i might do it on a night out, he said no u cant now we are together, and i said no i said once in a blue moon, he didnt respond. over the week we joked that he wanted a moterbike, i said no! he said well if your gonna do that thurs i can have a moterbike.. it was our way of agreeing to dissagree. so i took drugs on that night out, he was aware i was going to do this, he never said a word (ok maybe i should of discussed it better)...it was agreed subtly to be accepted... after the night he flipped and ended it, even tho i swore never to touch them again, i didnt realise he would get so upset as he had been fine before? (he didnt believe i would, said he couldnt trust me and said he didnt care he didnt want to know) Surely he would know id choose love over drugs as i had never broke his trust before. 1 week on he was with the girl he took out for a drink that night i went out. (so there is an element of it maybe being and excuse) he has every right to hate drugs, dont blame him, but i cant stop blaming myself for pushing him away! He swore i was the love of his life, but if he loves me sureley i deserve a chance after i took him back 4 times! he says whati did was worse than cheating! Help!!
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