diaminstar11 Posted February 16, 2003 Share Posted February 16, 2003 me and my boyfriend just broke up on valentines day. We were together for about 9 months. We were really close for a while but then for the past month it seems like our relationship was going no where. he told me he didn't want a serious relationship, that he was unhappy in general, and that he didn't want to worry about me. He needs to figure out what he wants and he needs to get his life together. The thing is I did give him space, i didn't push for anything that he didn't want. We were freinds for 2 years before we started dating, so im losing a lover and a freind. Plus, somewhere in those nine months, i dont know how, or why, I fell in love with him. now im miserable, i dont want to do anything or talk to anyone that im not close to. All i do is think of him, and cry. please give me some helpful advice.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 16, 2003 Share Posted February 16, 2003 There's no advice to give. You have to go through all the stages of the healing process, feel all the pain, and heal from this. The stage before final healing is anger...so when you finally get really pissed at this jerk, you will be just about there. Meanwhile, you have to understand that every dating situation is a gamble and only a small percentage of them end up in lifelong unions. It seems this man was just no longer interested in pursuing the relationship, for any one of a thousand reasons. That's OK. You don't want to be with a guy who doesn't want to be with you. Additionally, if he was ever your REAL friend he will continue to be your friend after his own healing process is concluded and he gets his head together. Stay busy, eat well, spend time with friends, be kind to yourself, do things you've wanted to do for a long time, reaquaint yourself with friends you've neglected during your relationship and you'll be just fine. It takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted February 16, 2003 Share Posted February 16, 2003 I believe that your breakup doesn't come from someone that "needs to get his life together". That is a horrible excuse. Would you leave someone you love? I think not. Do you think that he could be possibly seeing someone else behind your back? I know this thing happens a lot everywhere, but you live in New Jersey! Yes, I hate this state. You need to make sure that what he is saying is the truth. It seemed like you were giving him everything he needed, and yet he still left you. I don't see how someone could do that. This is not how you treat someone you love. I think you should question his feelings. He doesn't seem like a friend either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author diaminstar11 Posted February 16, 2003 Author Share Posted February 16, 2003 I know things seem bleak, and I know you don't leave someone you love, and I know about the whole healing process. It is just the fact, that I have never felt like this with any other guy. After a break up, I normally do what you guys have said. I am strong like that. But for some odd strange reason, things are diffrent this time. The only reason why I think he's doing this is becuase hes scared. He had two previous bad relationships before me. And it seems like when everything is going good, that is when he backs off. I just dont know how to deal with the whole situation. I want to say that since he didn't want a girlfriend, he lost a friend in the process, but I don't think I can do that. This is what I need help with. Should I take him back, if he realizes he made a mistake? or should I just go in the opposite direction? Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Posted February 17, 2003 Share Posted February 17, 2003 Are you telling yourself your ex made a choice to end your present good relationship in fear of it turning bad in the future?. Sounds like you're rationalising to me. People don't end 'good' things just in case they're going to sour in the future. However, if that IS the case (and you won't really know 100% because only he knows what is going on with him) then he has issues to work through for himself... like self-sabotage. You're talking hypotheticals and fantasies in questioning if you should take him back should he change his mind. It hasn't happened (as much as your heart would like it to). Seems your thinking about this sort of stuff to avoid dealing with what is. You can't control his choices... as much as you'd like to. Please let go... for your own sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author diaminstar11 Posted February 18, 2003 Author Share Posted February 18, 2003 ok I know he has his own issues to work through, and hate to break the news but self-sabatoge is extremly common. I've done it plenty of times. But besides that we've only been broken up for less then a week. So can't he change his mind? And i am rationalizing for a good reason, its who I am, I always rationalize. To try to see all points of view. I can't change his mind, or make his choices, I don't want to. As much as I want to be with him, If not being with me makes him happy then ok. What am I supposed to do. I just want some confoting adivce, thats all. Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Posted February 19, 2003 Share Posted February 19, 2003 Really sorry but I can't offer you any comforting advice other than it's entirely his loss if he doesn't want you. Tony nailed it when he said you have to go through all the stages of healing, the last being anger towards him and angry you should be...... I wouldn't waste a split second worrying over some jerk who "didn't want to worry about me". Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts