sugamama78 Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I've got a big problem! I've been friends with this guy for two years now. He's had a sort of rocky past and has had a few problems. His wife cheated on him. He cheated with someone as well. (They have two kids by the way). I started to have feelings for this guy when all of a sudden, he got arrested for sexual molestation with a minor. Now I know that doesn't sound so great but for some reason, I forgave him and still liked him. I think he was vulnerable and he took advantage of a crush, nothing like sex but they did everything but you know. Anyways, we stayed in touch while he was in jail and when he was out, I started hanging out with him alot. He confessed to me that he started to have feelings for me but that he was fickle and scared to enter any relationship since coming out of jail, plus he still had feelings for his ex-wife. But I guess I wasn't hearing any of that because I started kissing him, I was so happy about feelings for me that he had, that we were making out. It was so nice because we had never done that before the whole time we were friends. Well then we go to the movies and he never makes a move (though he never did before) and I didn't make one either. I called him on the phone later that night and told him that I liked him and didn't want to hang around him if I couldn't express those emotions and I know he can't have a relationship because he just got out of jail. Of course I wouldn't want him to be in one either. But I think that made him sad. What should I do? Sometimes I can think this is really the one but should I wait for him? How long is he gonna be hung up on his ex? It's been almost 6 years since their split and she's still with that guy.
Star Gazer Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 He cheated with someone as well. (They have two kids by the way). I started to have feelings for this guy when all of a sudden, he got arrested for sexual molestation with a minor. ... nothing like sex but they did everything but you know. Hold the phone. Why in G-d's name would you want to date a convicted CHILD MOLESTER????
drake111 Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I think if you genuinely have feelings for him, i dont see the problem with waiting until hes ready to have a relationship again. If you genuinely like him then wait for him to sort his issues out and then go from there. Sounds like you just have to be patient with him for a while.
drake111 Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Hold the phone. Why in G-d's name would you want to date a convicted CHILD MOLESTER????It's irrelevant. The guy committed a crime, he did his time, and now hes free. He paid his debt to society. She doesn't have a problem with it she said...it's not an issue sg....but to answer your question- very simple: "why does she want to date a convicted child molester?" Simple: because she likes him.
Bree Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I don't know...I just see nothing but hurt down the road for you.
Author sugamama78 Posted June 27, 2007 Author Posted June 27, 2007 I think if you genuinely have feelings for him, i dont see the problem with waiting until hes ready to have a relationship again. If you genuinely like him then wait for him to sort his issues out and then go from there. Sounds like you just have to be patient with him for a while. Thank you so much drake. I greatly appreciate it. You're right. As far as the whole sexual offender label he has the rest of his life, I just really don't see anything wrong with him. He's getting his life back on the right track and it was a stupid mistake on his part, God forgave him, why shouldn't I. And if I truly care for this person, I agree I need to stand aside and wait on him. Thank you so much!
jcster Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 This guy has a lot going on in his life right now. He just got out of jail, he has 2 kids and still has feelings for his ex. I won't get into a debate of what he went to jail for, but let's just say it shows neither good judgement nor emotional maturity on his part. Plus - he has a history of cheating. I know you're not going to listen to this - but you really need to examine why you are attracted to this guy. He's not relationship material...not now and maybe not ever. If you want to be friends with him, fine - but if you continue to have romantic feelings for him it's not going to end well. There's a LOT of nice guys out in the world - many of them do not cheat on their spouses and go out with underage girls. Go find one of them and let this guy attempt to grow up.
jcster Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 "God forgave him, why shouldn't I." If you ever find yourself needing to say this about a person - do not date him. I agree, forgiveness is vital, and people attempting to reform their lives deserve our support. But, and it's a BIG BUT, hooking up with them romantically is above and beyond the call of duty. Seriously - don't wait for this guy.
Star Gazer Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I guess I'm the only one on LS who doesn't think a pedophile can be rehabilitated. Luckily the State of California agrees with me, hence the enactment of Megan's List.
CaliGuy Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Hold the phone. Why in G-d's name would you want to date a convicted CHILD MOLESTER???? Yeah I was thinking the same thing.
Bree Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Well as for the pedophile case, I don't know the specifics so i'm not going to judge even though i thoroughly agree on how wrong it is. The reason being I have a friend who was put away for 2yrs. because he was 17 the girl was 16. Her grandma found out she had consentual sex, but she called the police. They tried him as an adult and now he has to be registered for the rest of his life. I'm just saying.....
jcster Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I think this is more of a case of "jailbait" than a small child. I'm not defending the act, but the term "pedophile" becomes pretty hazy at that point.
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