Author allina Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 I've even heard relationship experts say arguing is healthy because it's emotional and is a form of passion. It's one way to know there is passion in the relationship...sounds strange I know but made sense to me... It does make sense to me I guess I should have included the question "how do I make myself understand that an occasional argument doesn't mean a relationship is going downhill?" in my post.
Star Gazer Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I guess I should have included the question "how do I make myself understand that an occasional argument doesn't mean a relationship is going downhill?" in my post. It sounds like you already understand it.
Author allina Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 Competition can't be a good thing, but you two sound very happy together. What kinds of expectations? We are really happy together, I hope that doesn't change As for my expectations/ideals, sometimes I feel like if a man really loves me he won't ever get annoyed with me or get angry/argue with me and vice versa. I know it isn't a rational expectation for human beings but sometimes I do feel that. Also I feel like if my bf loves me he will speak to me in a loving manner 100% of the time. Once again I know rationally this is false it's just a crazy idea in my head.
Pyro Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 We are really happy together, I hope that doesn't change As for my expectations/ideals, sometimes I feel like if a man really loves me he won't ever get annoyed with me or get angry/argue with me and vice versa. I know it isn't a rational expectation for human beings but sometimes I do feel that. Also I feel like if my bf loves me he will speak to me in a loving manner 100% of the time. Once again I know rationally this is false it's just a crazy idea in my head. Those are some great expectations. I want those as well, but we are human. We are destined to f*ck up every now and then. No one is perfect, except me.
tanbark813 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Also I feel like if my bf loves me he will speak to me in a loving manner 100% of the time. I think it would also be hard to respect someone who was loving towards you 100% of the time.
Author allina Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 Those are some great expectations. I want those as well, but we are human. We are destined to f*ck up every now and then. No one is perfect, except me. :lmao:
Author allina Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 I think it would also be hard to respect someone who was loving towards you 100% of the time. Why? My SO is loving to me all the time even when I irritate him, I just want that lovin' minus the irritation
LoveLace Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Why? My SO is loving to me all the time even when I irritate him, I just want that lovin' minus the irritation Because it isn't human...at least I don't think so...to never feel crabby or irriatated towards someone else...even if you love them. If I had a BF that was just never irritated by me and "happy" no matter what, I'd feel like it was fake, like this guy has no emotions.
Pyro Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Why? My SO is loving to me all the time even when I irritate him, I just want that lovin' minus the irritation I agree, although I couldn't handle the luvvy duvvy thing 24/7, but I like it when we get along and there are no arguements or indifference. I am a simple guy. It doesn't take much to make me happy.
Star Gazer Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I think it would also be hard to respect someone who was loving towards you 100% of the time. Why?
Lady Aurora Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I've even heard relationship experts say arguing is healthy because it's emotional and is a form of passion. It's one way to know there is passion in the relationship...sounds strange I know but made sense to me... My X used to know how to push my buttons and get me irritated over certain things. This really bugged me because I didn't want to get upset with him and be irritable. So, I asked him why he did this. He said he thought I was sexy when I was angry and he enjoyed the making up part. LOL Mind you, these were not big fights, just those little silly bickering type things any couple has. And I have to admit, the making up part WAS good!
Lady Aurora Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I think it would also be hard to respect someone who was loving towards you 100% of the time.Why? For me, it would be because I want someone who is not afraid to be human. If they are are not happy or disagree with my point of view, I want them to speak up and say so. Not just give me a "whatever you want, dear". Blech. IMO, people who act loving 100% of the time are likely repressing something. I guess I just don't trust it. I know this sounds silly, but I want some dischord in a relationship. I don't want my partner to be a carbon copy of my opinions and views. I want them to have their own ideas and not be afraid to step up and share them. I want a difference of opinion. I want them to have a different perspective. It makes life more interesting. Everyone has bad days, and nobody can be 100% all the time. So, sometimes those differences will burst into a fight. As long as you maintain respect for each other, you can actually use the experience to learn more about your SO. Although, some fights are so small and insignificant they are really worth anything. Just a way to release tension... or give you an excuse to make-up.
tanbark813 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 For me, it would be because I want someone who is not afraid to be human. If they are are not happy or disagree with my point of view, I want them to speak up and say so. Not just give me a "whatever you want, dear". Blech. IMO, people who act loving 100% of the time are likely repressing something. I guess I just don't trust it. Agreed. And they're probably the doormat type.
LoveLace Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Agreed. And they're probably the doormat type. Doormat is the word I was looking for..thanks Tan, you are like my thesaurus sometimes!
tanbark813 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Doormat is the word I was looking for..thanks Tan, you are like my thesaurus sometimes! All in a day's work.
johan Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Doormat is the word I was looking for..thanks Tan, you are like my thesaurus sometimes! Mine, too. In fact, I threw my thesaurus away months ago. I threw it in that round thing where all the garbage goes. You know that garbage thing. I can't think of the word right now. It will come to me...
halfarock Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Do all couples really fight? ....how can two normal and healthy adults with good self-esteem never disagree or fight? its statistically impossible. I think it would also be hard to respect someone who was loving towards you 100% of the time. Why? With my current girl friend of 3 years (she says 5 years) I can’t recall ever having gotten into a fight with her, I can’t remember actually getting mad at her. We disagree over things, have passionate discussions, but we never fight, there’s no anger. Early on, after we had gone out a few times, after several months, one of her friends kept telling her things about me that just wasn’t true. This woman had some issues and didn’t like the idea that my gf preferred to hang out with me rather than with “the girls”. The thing was, was that my gf should have known that what her friend was saying wasn’t true. That she didn’t hurt my feelings. So, after explaining to her how her friend was wrong (lying) I just walked away figuring that it just wasn’t going to work. But, for some reason, over the ensuing months, she lingered on in my thoughts, which was made worse by one of her other friends who was going out of her way to get us back together, always saying things to me. Once, I was out with another woman; this friend spotted us and sat down next to me and proceeded to go into detail all the recent events in my gf’s life. It made it impossible to carry on with the other woman. It was more than a year later and I saw her car parked out side of a store. (Funny how I remembered all the little details about her car.) On a whim I went in the store and ran into her, telling her that it was like on Highlander where the immortals just felt the other’s presence. I told her that I was riding down the street and suddenly felt her presence, that it was so great that it made me fall off my bicycle. (I never told her that I remembered her car) During the ensuing three days we worked out all of the little issues that we could think of. It set the tone for our relationship. It may just be that I’m at a point in my life where I can live rather carefreely, there’s a lot of fun and games, and adventure to our relationship. Still there is an understanding, I guess you could call it, between us and when things do come up, which is really rare; they tend to get resolved quickly. It’s more that we just seem to sense each other’s presence and moods. I don’t know, maybe I’m just insane.
Author allina Posted June 27, 2007 Author Posted June 27, 2007 With my current girl friend of 3 years (she says 5 years) I can’t recall ever having gotten into a fight with her, I can’t remember actually getting mad at her. We disagree over things, have passionate discussions, but we never fight, there’s no anger. Your store is so sweet, congrats I think it depends on what you consider a 'fight' as well. I know couples who yell, curse, scream obscenities at each other followed by one of them leaving for the night. This i why i use the term argue when it comes to disagreements with my bf. No one screams at the other or anything like that and i wouldn't say there is any real anger there. I may be annoyed by him or he by me but there isn't any real anger.
Pyro Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Your store is so sweet, congrats Where is your business located HR? I would like to check it out.
LoveLace Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 It depends on what one's definition of "fighting" is, I guess. To me, "fighting" is like a blow-out, a major issue that effects the relationship in a very serious way. Then you have "arguing" (which to me, is a lighter form of "fighting"), or "bickering"--to me it sounds like you and your man bicker sometimes. This is expected. "Arguing" is expected. But couples who get into those blow-out "fights" like everyday...I don't know even know how they do it -- the kind that involves ignorant name-calling and screaming, with no rhyme or reason; there are people who actually put up with this life and do it like everyday. So I wouldn't worry if me and my BF bickered or argued even 2-3 times a week. Like I said once before, these incidences are usually about small, minor topics, like what to watch on TV.
Pyro Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 It depends on what one's definition of "fighting" is, I guess. To me, "fighting" is like a blow-out, a major issue that effects the relationship in a very serious way. Then you have "arguing" (which to me, is a lighter form of "fighting"), or "bickering"--to me it sounds like you and your man bicker sometimes. This is expected. "Arguing" is expected. But couples who get into those blow-out "fights" like everyday...I don't know even know how they do it -- the kind that involves ignorant name-calling and screaming, with no rhyme or reason; there are people who actually put up with this life and do it like everyday. So I wouldn't worry if me and my BF bickered or argued even 2-3 times a week. Like I said once before, these incidences are usually about small, minor topics, like what to watch on TV. Alcohol plays a role as well. I use to be friends with a couple who only drank on weekends, but when they did, they went all out and for the most part, one of the two would do something stupid and the arguing and drama would start pouring out. I was surprised that they lasted as long as they did.
Author allina Posted June 27, 2007 Author Posted June 27, 2007 Where is your business located HR? I would like to check it out. Oh hush Rid, typo, I meant "story" It depends on what one's definition of "fighting" is, I guess. To me, "fighting" is like a blow-out, a major issue that effects the relationship in a very serious way. Then you have "arguing" (which to me, is a lighter form of "fighting"), or "bickering"--to me it sounds like you and your man bicker sometimes. This is expected. "Arguing" is expected. But couples who get into those blow-out "fights" like everyday...I don't know even know how they do it -- the kind that involves ignorant name-calling and screaming, with no rhyme or reason; there are people who actually put up with this life and do it like everyday. So I wouldn't worry if me and my BF bickered or argued even 2-3 times a week. Like I said once before, these incidences are usually about small, minor topics, like what to watch on TV. I have similar definitions as you. In that case me and my bf have never had a fight, just a handful of arguments in the year together. I don't know how couples have huge blow out fights all the time, I think that would cause me to lose interest in the relationship very quickly.
LoveLace Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Oh hush Rid, typo, I meant "story" I have similar definitions as you. In that case me and my bf have never had a fight, just a handful of arguments in the year together. I don't know how couples have huge blow out fights all the time, I think that would cause me to lose interest in the relationship very quickly. Exactly, even if couples last a long time like this, I'd doubt very many last forever, at least not without therapy. My parents are friends with a couple like that, though-- they have been married probably 30 years or more-- and I don't think they have a single conversation that is civil. Anytime they even speak, it's yelling or name-calling. Just think of never having a single decent moment, day in and day out. How and why they are still together, I don't think anyone knows, other than we know he used to be abusive when younger...I guess it could still be that she's just too scared to leave. It's a shame.
Recommended Posts