BCE Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Hi, well my boyfriend now fiance proposed to me but is still not divorced yet. He has a little boy who is 5 years old and they still have to work out the parenting issues, and financing issues. They never really talked about who is going to have custody while the child is in school, but right now it's 50/50. Well today she showed up at 10 am! My fiance told me that they were going to settle paper work for the divorce and that she showed up unexpectedly. He was surprised. I did'nt know whether to believe him; In the back of my mind i had the idea that they were going to hang out and do some running around together. He stayed with me and talked to me and i felt like he wanted me to leave so he could deal/hang with her. I asked if that was the case, and he said "no". He told me that he can't be with us both and he is very much surprised as me. I told him i felt uncomfortable about her being there, and he felt the same. So i left.....Not forever though. I just told him to call me and told him that if he was in fact hanging out with her that i would be very upset. I told him there is no need for them to just hang out all night if that was the case and to get what he needs done. Before he left he said "I love you". I did not respond back and went to my car. In hope that he is not lying to me.....For some reason i feel that i will not see him today:( How long does it take for a divorce to be finalized? and do both parties need to be together for the process? Should i worry?
azianpride143 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 From the time the marriage agreement is signed is when the 6 months starts. That's the case here in Cali. It takes 6 months for a divorce. Some states may vary.
notspiritual Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 You don’t trust him and you are trying to control him. Also, you punish him with a bitchy attitude. Big red flags here. Yes you should worry that he wakes up understanding that he is leaving one hell for potentially another one.
jmargel Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Go with your intinct. He should have no problem with you being there, and in fact should encourage it as you are his new partner. IMO I would be suspecious especially if he has done things before such as go out and not be able to account for where he was. Not a good way to start off a potential marriage. Any problems you have now between each other gets magnified by ten after marriage.
Krytellan Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Personally I think it's either a red flag or incredibly disrespectful and tacky (can't decide which) to propose to you while he is still legally married. I don't think that's giving you the respect you deserve.
nittygritty Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I don't think its a good idea to be in a relationship with someone who is going through the divorce process. Getting engaged is a really, really bad idea. People going through divorces are dealing with all kinds of emotional issues. To leave a marriage and jump right into another without any healing taking place could result in another divorce very quickly, if you two even make it to the altar. I would recommend you rethink this. What are you getting yourself into and why is this guy going from one woman to another without taking any time for personal growth.
backseat Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I agree with everyone. Divorce is really messy. And just too bad you're on it now. What you need to do maybe is talk to your fiance. And clear things out with him.
Melovator Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I'm sorry but I'd run not walk away from this man, even if you're soul-mate, head-over-heels, sickly-sweet cupid in lurve, because being with him will do your head in. R-E-B-O-U-N-D- do you really want to find out what it means? You wrote that they still had parenting and financial issues to sort out, there's going to be some emotional mess there unless they are two completely mentally healthy, reasonable human beings who made a rational decision to divorce. If they are two completely mentally healthy, reasonable human beings then you need to be able to talk honestly with your fiance about how you're feeling about his spending time with his STBXW. But this doesn't seem, from the confusion you've expressed, to be a situation with such people at the moment. So if the two of you can't talk about it and resolve the issue- or you talk about it and his actions continue to upset you because they seem to contradict what he says- which is what I'm getting you're saying is upsetting you, then you need to seriously think about leaving so you won't keep being upset. People can say anything they like, its what they do that counts.
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