goodgirl26 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 When someone is genuinely sorry for their actions involving a betrayal how do they act? Besides just saying sorry. My boyfriend had lied to me about a friendship (and maybe more) that he had with a woman while we were dating. I left him and we recently got back together but the other day his son blurted out that the "friend" had spent the night with them awhile back. My boyfriend finally admitted that yes she did but that his son slept between them and nothing happened. He says he had sex with her "a long time ago" and that he doens't remember when it was because he's had so many one night stands over the years. Which i did not know about (he told me he's had two one night stands, now he says the number is closer to 8 but he forgets them because he never talked to those women again) I should point out that he is a forgetful person (he had a head injury when he was six and he does forget long-term things at times). I keep fighting with him over this situation-its been four days since his son said this and I guess I"ve been asking questions too much because my boyfriend just keeps getting angry at me. He said to drop it that he's answered my questions that sometimes "**** happens" and that he's sorry he lied to me but that for all he knows I"ve cheated on him at some point (not true and he has no proof or reasons to believe that other than him saying that sometimes he calls me and it will take me twenty minutes to call him back and maybe I am having sex with someone else in that time period! wtf!!) now he did say all of this in the heat of anger but what is wrong with him. His solution to the problem is that i spend ALL my free time with him (something he's always wanted) so that I will know where he is at all times. Well I'm not a babysitter!! I want to be able to trust him again. So far all he's done is say he's sorry and tell me he has no idea why he lied to me and that he thought he told me everything there was to tell about the woman and that he forgot she spent the night becasue it was so long ago but he doesn't remember if we were dating at the time or not. ??? He has agreed to not talk to her anymore (and has stuck to that) and agreed to not go to a certain bar where she sometimes hangs out. he calls me when he gets home from work and when he gets home from seeing me (to let me know he's home- his idea) but he just doesnt seem to "get it" that he hurt me by lying to me. He keeps turning things around on me (when he gets mad) and accusing ME of lying to him or possibly cheating on him. He said he is trying to "make it up to me and doesnt' know what to do" He pointed out that he bought me an expensive braclet for my birthday, takes me out to dinner and pays, and he always wants to see me and invites me to go everywhere with him. He doesn't understand that expensive presents and dinner just don't make up for being lied to. I don't think he is showing real remorse for the situation but I don't know how someone who is truly remorseful acts like. Any help?
LakesideDream Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 In my 25 year, eventually failed marriage, I didn't cheat, and have those lies to hide... however there were a couple of incidents where I told lies to cover up stupid financial moves and eventually "fessed up". These were stupid things, involving substantial sums of money.. it happened twice (obviously I didn't learn the first time). Both incidences happened in the first 15 years of marriage, both were to cover bad business decisions (self employed). After fessin up like was a living hell for a long time. I attempted to make ammends to no avail. It was a long time before my ex got through the betrail (finances seemed to be a real big deal to her back then). Eventually things returned to "normal" however each and every time we had an agrument or fight or disagreement, whichever you call it, those betrayals were brought up to strengthen her argument. Right to the bitter end. What I did was very wrong. I paid and paid for it. Funny thing though... for 23.5 years of the 25 year marriage she had an on and off affair with the same guy.. and a few "minor" short term affairs with co-workers. I didn't even suspect or wouldn't suspect her at the time. It came out after D-day. She even used the second financial mistake-lie to cover it up as an excuse for a co-worker affair. Kinda makes me wish I would known about one or two "minor" short term ones to help defend myself!
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