Quest Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Hi. I am a couple of months out of a relationship and want to meet men again. Does anyone have any good advice? I don't particularly like clubs or bars. I do have quite a few interests but don't seem to be meeting any men who are available and/or interested through these activities. Have joined an internet dating site but I'm not going to put my photo in as I don't want people from work to spot me. (I know this means a lot of men who might otherwise contact me won't but I'm prepared to accept this. The internet is just an 'extra'. I'll send a photo by e-mail to anyone is interested. I did put a photo on an internet site once before and got lots of replies but most of the men seemed to be interested simply in endless 'dating' not really finding a partner.) When I say I want to 'meet' men I want to meet someone interested in a relationship. I've not found it easy to meet available (not married, no SO and interested in a relationship) men in the past so I am looking for some good tips. Has anyone else found it difficult to meet someone and come up with a good solution? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Hm..I would suggest speed dating. There should be one in your local area, just google. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Great question, and I wish there was an equally great answer. I have no idea how old you are or what region you live in, but I'll toss some things out as a newly single man myself. I like to bowl, and you'll find a lot of men in bowling leagues if you're up for that. I would warn you that league bowlers aren't traditionally high on the list of most desirable, generally speaking, but there we are. Sports. Summer and fall softball leagues. At least there you would find someone willing to get off the couch. What about a karaoke bar? It's a definite subculture and not like your typical bar crowd. Generally fun people. Check out local groups on Craig's list If you want to go the internet route, you can try eHarmony. A little more cautious and your picture isn't revealed to anyone but your matches, and after communication if you'd like. That's all I got for now. I'm struggling with the whole meeting women thing, but I'm not in a place structurally to try too hard right now anyway. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 I've found the best way to meet new people is at parties or barbeques. Having a robust network of friends, and making sure that you attend their events is a great way to meet people that you will have commonality with. Your friends like them - you like your friends - you have something instantly in common. Link to post Share on other sites
Steveto Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 I always seem to be a week late haha..like I would meet someone who is great, but they just someone a few days ago..bah! Craigslist is a good place to start. I met some nice people there, but you do have to be careful with internet stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
halfarock Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Funny that you should ask. It seems that everyone goes through a period where they don’t know where to find suitable people to date. Especially after having been out of the game for awhile. The fact that there isn’t a ready answer reveals that there probably is no one good place to meet other singles (outside of a bar scene). Something that has occurred to me, based on what I observe, that most singles, that aren’t getting dates, tend to sit at home going, “gee I wonder why I never have any dates. So where do you find them? You find them where you find them. Back before I had kids, I was part of a rather large, ever changing social group. There were always parties, camping trips, picnics in the park, et al. It was easy to meet others. Ah, to be young and free. After I had kids I didn’t get out much, preferring to hang out with the kids, being a single dad with custody. After several years, when I decided to get back into the game, all of my friends, the crowd I hung with had all dispersed. Things had changed. And, I’m absolutely not the type that goes to bars to try to get women. So, after awhile, I came to the conclusion that all the good women, those not already taken anyway, where sitting at home wondering why no guys were calling. My solution; to become more friendly, especially to women, especially to women who I was attracted to. Of course this took some effort as I have a tendency to be on the shy side. So I went about my usual business but in the process, took the extra effort to be a nice friendly guy, smiled when I met people. Early on there was no effort to get a date or anything, just trying to get comfortable talking with people I didn’t know, trying to get a pleasant reaction from them. After awhile, I discovered that I had a bunch of female friends - most who wanted to be more than just friends. Most who where of the type that sat at home wondering how to meet a man. Where did I meet these women; walking along bike/pedestrian trails, riding public transportation, waiting in line at a store, hanging out at art galleries, hanging out with friends, anywhere people are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quest Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 Thanks for all the good ideas. As Steveto says, you do have to be careful with the internet dating. Last week, I exchanged photos with and then had an MSN chat with a guy who seemed compatible. We agreed we'd met in person and after that he just disappeared. I know this kind of thing happens but I'd forgotten and I let it get to me. Definitely going to try and concentrate on 'real life' possibilities and not take internet stuff seriously - because not many people doing it seem to be all that serious. Halfarock's idea of just being more friendly to men I meet in everyday life is a good one. I'm always a bit backward about coming forward because I'm scared of being snubbed I guess. But I'll need to get over that. I wish there WAS one magic solution - I'd forgotten what a primordial soup it was out there. Will give everything a go and see what gives! (If I find a magic solution I'll let you know.) Link to post Share on other sites
rina_r Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 I met guys, the ones who were interested and in whom i was interested, only and ONLY when I quit looking. We met accidentally.. Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 The good ones always show up when you stop looking for them. Until then, all you'll get are players and flakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Huntr777 Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Hey there, I understand about clubs and bars (although I still go to them because I enjoy seeing my friends there and dancing up a storm whenever Nine Inch Nails is played). I would say the internet dating thing is a great opportunity that you might be overlooking right now. I know what you mean about people or friends seeing your picture up there, that was one of my concerns as well. The fact is that anybody who has a picture posted will get more looks than somebody who doesn’t, end of story. And, if anybody from work, or friends did happen to see me up there and decide to give me a ribbing for it, I would just ask them what they were doing looking on that site. I’ve met some truly amazing women on dating sites, one was even a model. A dating site is a bit safer as well, you only meet when you both feel comfortable to do it face to face. Give the site and chance, put up a picture and have a comeback ready in case anybody ever does see you (only one friend of mine ever saw my picture up there…why? Because she was on the same site looking for a date for herself, proves my point right?). Also, I’ve seen a good number of women at baseball and football games looking to meet guys, and why not since there usually are a good number of single guys there. I was at a Giants game a couple of years ago, and in my section there were two girls with each other, just checking out the guys…yes it was that obvious what they were doing. But that’s another route you might want to take. When you say you’re not looking for a “dater”, but a relationship. I understand that, but you have to go through a few “daters” and see who might be a relationship guy, that’s just a numbers game. Enjoy meeting some new guys, and maybe one of them might be a keeper. Also don’t try to spring a relationship on a guy too soon (within the first few dates) because that tends to scare a guy off. And if you do find a guy who wants to commit that quickly, beware…those are the ones that sometimes tend to be the controlling types. Good luck and good dating! H777 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quest Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 "The good ones always show up when you stop looking for them. Until then, all you'll get are players and flakes." Rina_R and jcster ... I've heard a lot of people say, 'It happens when you least expect it' and I suppose it has when I think about it ... but this always leaves me wondering how do you stop looking and look at the same time? Right now, I want to look which means ... I probably won't find anyone. Then again, other people say 'think positive thoughts', 'visualise' etc - "It won't happen if you are negative." So all I need to do is think about finding the right person but not look for him and then I'll find him. I think I need to go and lie down in darkened room ... no, I can't do that either because I've got to be out there, being positive, making new contacts. lol. Seriously, I know there's a lot of truth in this ... it's just the doing it. Huntr777: Thanks for all the advice. I'll think about putting my photo on. I know you're right. I'm just a coward and while a lot of my friends seem to have met someone through the internet it hasn't worked for me in the past ... but I suppose that's meaningless. Could do another time. I'm thinking there's something to be said for arranged marriages! Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 So all I need to do is think about finding the right person but not look for him and then I'll find him. Ha! I think that's true. It's all about living your life and enjoying it, while staying open to meeting new people. The more people you meet doing things you enjoy, the greater chance you will have of meeting the right person. Just keep repeating: "men are the ketchup, not the burger...." until you believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 singles clubs and events Link to post Share on other sites
JulieJ Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 A great resource is your friend's husbands and boyfriends. If they are good people that you like, you can usually assume that their friends will also be good people. Plus, if they have a lot of friends that are married/in committed relationships they are more likely to be looking for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Huntr777 Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 " Huntr777: Thanks for all the advice. I'll think about putting my photo on. I know you're right. I'm just a coward and while a lot of my friends seem to have met someone through the internet it hasn't worked for me in the past ... but I suppose that's meaningless. Could do another time. I'm thinking there's something to be said for arranged marriages! Well then you need to not be a coward and just do it like I did! As a matter of fact I am going to take a new pic and put it up this week. As for singles dances or weekends, avoid 'em like the plague. All you get are desperate people looking for somebody. H777 Link to post Share on other sites
RubyDeluxe Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Church, all the good men go to Church God will provide you with a good man Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts