funkybassplayer Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Its been 9 weeks now since my ex dumped me. I feel good today, another day and very little sadness, ANOTHER WINNING DAY. i do miss the ex, and now shes with a new guy. I still have major downs, but they dont last long now, maybe an hour or so. im doing things for me again. I dont feel much anymore about the relationship other than she was very hard work, and she never truly made me happy, but i wil be there if she ever needs me. I miss the kids very much, but again, begining to enjoy being free from all the stress. I have had very little contact, and it does work. it makes you take a step back and look at it for what it was. It was nice, it was stresful, it was hard, and now i know why sometimes i wouldnt answer the phone when she called, or sometimes i really didnt want to go up...............because she never truly commited to me or made me happy deep down. I thnk i knew from early in the relationship that something was not right, and therefore i heled back and protected myself, but i always loved her, stood by her through thick and thin, and tryed to help her as much as i could. just she never knew it. She sapped up lots of my energy through emotions. think she moved way too fast from her ex hubby (who she refused to divorce) to me and now again has gone strait to another men. I feel sorry because i dont think she loves herself...................I do! I will always be a friend to her if she would ever need me, but i know that she was not the girl for me. Maybe thats why i can get over this so fast. I dont want to date as yet, but i want to get out there and be me again. Im selling the house for me, and gonna enjoy myself. i deserve it. She wanted me to sell up buy her hubby out and move in............but to what kind of life? Stress , sadness fighting? I wont take the risk, i didnt feel confident in her. I have done the right thing. When i ended it with her (2 months b4 she did) I should have left it at that, but the tears from her like the tears she cryed when wanting to me my friend won me over, only to be hurt again on both counts. But i feel good today......looking forward to a new future, relationnship, and friends. In the relationship she was a good friend....thats who i miss...............a good friend.
mike5770 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Good for you! Just keep going day by day and her hold will diminish a little more each day. Sure there will be reminders that will come into your head when you least expect it..the song on the radio..the restaurant you always went too..but this too shall pass. Today I finally walked in the city where I know the girl a few weeks ago I would do anything for worked. I saw the bus she takes and my heart started beating very fast and was nervous about an encounter since the last time I saw her I was very drunk and angry and said thing I wish I could take back. I didn't see her and now I am glad I didn't...but it is one more step toward facing my fears as brfore today i would not even go near her building. I obviously can't compare this crush to what you had with your ex....but I know I am getting better every day and I really dug her. The worst was when I saw her french kissing the "respect the ring just a friend guy" in the bar three weeks ago. That felt like someone took a red hot sword and shoved it in my stomach. I kept reliving that and the pain has gone down since. When I see them all I can say is "I am sorry for being an ******* after drinking 15 shots of Goldschlager with you...and I wish you 2 the best." That is when I know I have moved on...but I am sorry this is about your post..just keep doing what you are doing, IT IS AND WILL CONTINUE TO GET BETTER!
Author funkybassplayer Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 Thank you. I have followed your story too. i dont think it matters how long etc, if you feel it you feel it, and the pain is there. I cant say im over her, no way, and i still wake up with the sound of her kids in my head, but theres nothing i can do except handle the reality of what has happened and move on best i can. Im not going to date cos i just want company, i want to heal myself, then maybe ill be stronger, and if i see the sighns again, i will just walk. Its hard when you lose a whole family, but then theres nothing i can do. Saying sorry for my part of the break-up or anything else will not help me. She knows that i was a good person, but i found it hard to deal with her lifestyle of drinking, clubbing leaving the kids, not divorcing her hubby, and just being selfish for her own needs. Shes not a bad person, just one whos mixed up. I dont think i failed her, she failed herself by avoding her own issues and demanding stuff from me. I did say that i love her enough to let her go and thats what i did. I could have called a 100 times to hear her voice, but what for? she knows im here and that i care about her. I am now letting her go in my head. I respect myself for that, and she knows how hard it is for me, as she knows that i miss them all. Maybe one day we can be friends.
mike5770 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I didn't mean for you to aplolgize...you have no reason to..But I was a drunken baffoon and she is owed one...good luck!
Lost_in_TN Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 fbp, Man after reading your post I can really relate to your situation. I have came to the conclusion that my ex never remotely gave one third of the effort I did to make our relationship work. It was like I was carrying a 1-ton weight on my back at all times. I have decided that in all honesty if it weren't for a few fringe benefits and great sex, I'd have dumped her shortly after we got back together in '05. Oh I still miss her, and in many ways still love her, or shall I say "who I thought she was". So many things have came out of the woodwork since we have split that I am in a state of disbelief. She was never worthy of my love at all. Hang in there, things will get better for you.
frd150 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 FBP, I posted on another thread in regards to the little one you miss so much. As i said i lost more than just her and i live with regret every day. There are still so many what ifs circling around my head but i guess we all go thru this. Funny i have had other serious relationships but none like this one and thus the reason why i cannot shake her. Some here say i am lucky to still be in contact with her and that i should go after her while others say run for the hills. It will be six months tommorrow and i can say that despite everything i can say with confidence that i am a much wiser person for having gone thru this. I took so many things for granted, her and my relationship with her family included. You get so comfortable with the day to day that it becomes easy to forget what is right in front of you. Yes, i can take ownership of my faults in the relationships demise but now i know that she was also partially to blame. It takes two. I wake up everyday feeling the same feelings of lonliness in my house. It feels like just yesterday that i was waking up beside her and then seeing her at the end of the day. It is sota like the movie groundhog day, you know the same thing over and over again. The feeling usually subsides as i walk out the door. I am so fortunate that i found love shack and all of you. I think that if i had not my friends would not be talking to me anymore:D For now like you i have learned to appreciate my freedom and i have re-connected with friends but that feeling will still come out of nowhere and hit me. I have read your other posts and todays put a smile on my face. Thanks! Cheers.
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