Author luvstarved Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 I'm sorry but I have an opposite take. I don't see how this will NOT lead to an affair somewhere down the road between them. He is obviously obsessed with her. You may be right. I hope not. One thing lately is that he has come to realize that she is a bit of a "maneater"...in her neighborhood, two wives "didn't like her because their husbands came over to have drinks and help her with little chores", according to her. Somebody even left a bag of s**t on her doorstep and somehow there was a restraining order, blah blah. She found some guy online and dated for two months bragging ass about his credentials, etc and talking about getting married, then he dumped her for reasons unknown although I am guessing it was not because she gave the best head ever. Apparently now she is sidling up to another married man at work. If I were ever around the two of them I could better assess whether there is anything "special" between the two of them or if my H is just responding naturally to what any man would respond to and she is just doing the femme fatale thing for kicks/insecurity/ego boost. Immediately after I last braindumped on him about this, I noticed in cell phone records that he called a friend and talked for 15 minutes then called his mother and talked another 15. His mother told me that he was very upset that I should still consider this woman a concern and that for the rift that has happened in our marriage, he has gotten to the point that he CAN'T STAND this woman. He did agree with me that she WAS a problem because she had ALREADY caused strife between us and seemingly did so intentionally. I told him that he could say whatever he wanted about being attracted or not, I had my own opinion and that I was not going to let my guard down and that he could forget any overnight business trips involving her!!! My H and I have been in counseling and things there really are going well. I think it is entirely possible that the crisis here has passed but again...I will remain ever vigilant...but try not to make it an open issue unless I see another red flag.
riobikini Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 re: " Any thoughts? Thanks." Thoughts aplenty. But I'll say what I think the bottom line is: he wants what he feels he cannot have (the tantalizing little office wench.) (Smile) Plus -he compares what he wants from her (and can't get) to what he's *not getting* with you. Because this woman at work is still holding him at arm's length even though she's bearing down hard with the teasing, he feels pretty safe in discussing it with you. Also, in his telling you about it, it's kind of a warning, I think, to you to either pour on some heat similar to what she's pouring on, or risk him having an affair with her (or someone) the first opportunity he gets. But -about this woman teasing him- I think that's a little of his personal wishes/hopes/fantasies combined with a little bit of her knowing it's having an effect on him. Kind of swinging the power in her court, too, with that very common female maneuver. And she (as most any female would) knows it -and is enjoying it. It's a situation that's brewing -and has enough steam to fog up any office window if (when) this woman gives the green light (remember it's she who weilds the power, here, at this time.) I think you're right on with your gut suspicions: he's hot for her -and she's toying with him until she gets him so heated up that, instead of the "green light" going on, there'll be a 5-alarm siren go off. Whenever she likes. Next time he goes to masturbate, show up naked, grab that hand of his, put it between your legs and give him more than he's been fantasizing about. And keep pouring it on -and keep the surprises coming. -Rio
jmargel Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 Don't focus on this other woman, she has no loyalty to you and she is going to do what she pleases. Your husband has the loyalty to you and it takes two to tango. He knows where the boundaries are and he knows the consequences of crossing those boundaries. If he still chooses to cheat on you or push this to see how far it will go with this OW then he is not worth being married to you. Right now take this time to evaluate what is going on within your marriage besides this other woman. In terms of emotional, physical and mental aspects.
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