When to give up?

[vinadetta]

Firstly, I want to thank everyone on this board that posts and replys to people's posts. This has truly been the best source for me to get information and to help understand my situation. I'm have the hardest time trying to do the right thing which I have no idea what that is.

 

Background:

I've been with the same girl for almost four years now. We've lived together off and on and are still trying to work things out, which I'm not even sure if it is possible anymore. She has a daughter which I've been the only father that she knows. I've been the only Dad for her since she was three years old. Me and the little girl are very attached and our relationship only grows stronger by the day. As for me and my girl, I kinda of screwed up and kissed a friend that in from out of town visiting me. This totally destroyed her and hurt her very badly. After that we decided to work things out and things were not great but they were ok. I had a bad episode of drinking one night and broke up with her. Within a couple of days on of my best friends starts going over to her house to console her and they start a relationship right underneath me. Ok, now this totally destoyed me in the worse way, I was seeing a counselor all last summer. There relationship was physical and emotional. My girl told me that she loves me, and I'm the one that she wants to spend the rest her life with.

So again we start to work on our relationship, I told her that I would never speak to my friend that I messed up with and kissed. In January we got engaged and her daugther started to call me Dad for the first time and still calls me dad. I bought her the most magnificent ring and one that I couldn't really afford, but it was the one she wanted. Over the last 6 months she continued to be in contact with my ex-friend who was someone that I've known since I was little. I asked her please to stop talking to him, as I know that she wasn't fully with me yet as long as she continued speaking with him. So I basically dealt with her cheating on me emotionally during our engagement. This caused some horrific fights because she refused to stop talking to him so our relationship can heal and we can both move past what had happend. About a month ago, I found some text messages on her phone saying that they both love each other. The whole time during the engagement she was never really into it, I was living with her again. So I moved out, left everything I had there including the big screen tv that I paid for, numerous stuff for the house, not to metion spent an upseen amout of money on her during our engagement including a trip to Disney World at Christmas for her and her daugther with my family.

I haven't been in contact with any of my other friends because they are all friends with the ex-friend the one she was with. I can't even bear to see or speak to any of my childhood friends because I don't want to be reminded of him. When they first started talking to each other over a year ago, I went to my friend and told him, that I love her and her daughter and asked him to please stop talking to her. He basically told me he didn't care about my feelings and that he wasn't going to stop talking to her, even though it was something that I asked of him as a friend.

So here I am a few weeks later after moving out and taking back that ring, I told her that I need to heal from all of this, a failed engagement, the hurt she continued to cause me with him, loosing a daugther, my dogs and everything else. She's used her daughter as an excuse to contact me so I would come over. She says that she feels bad for all the mistakes that she's made, yet I still don't believe that she is going to give up contacting the other guy. I've tried to go NC but, she will call and use her daughter to call me. This really sucks, but it's NOT fair for her daughter and for me to continue to play a role in their lives if there isn't going to be a strong committment from her for things to work out. I really don't trust her at all and believe she might have even been with him behind my back while we were engaged. How do I explain to her that things need to change drastically and I need to know that they are no longer in contact, or how do I explain to her that she has to leave me alone so I can heal and move past everything to hopefully find someone new who would at least respect and care for me enought not to continue to hurt me over and over again. Any ideas and suggestions are greatly appreciated.

 

Confused