annabelle75 Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I didn't really feel like digging through old threads but I felt the need to address a topic that seems ot be brought up alot here. One of the things that people repeatedly mention when discussing whether an OW should tell a BS about an affair is that the BS should have the right to know because of possible STDs. I find it very odd that some one would think the OW should take it into consideration. Unless the OW has an STD in which they would be obligated to inform anyone they have had sexual contact with, I don't think it would be necessary. When I run into ex-boyfreinds with there new girlfriends I don't feel the need to pull the girls aside to inform them that I use to sleep with their boyfriend, so they might want to get tested for STDs. I can see from the BS point of view (as I once was), once you find out about the affair you go out and get tested. I did. I didn't know who my XH had slept with. From the OWs point of view, if they know that they do not have an STD, I can't see why they would feel obligated to tell the BS so they could be tested. There would be no point to that, therefore I think it nullifies the argument that the OW should tell the BS for those reasons. I've just seen it used so many times in arguments here I wanted to point out why it was flawed.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I think the idea is that the OW should make the BS aware that he is sleeping around in general. If he is with an OW - even one who is 'clean', there is a very good chance that there are other OW out there too that he's been messing with who might not be so "clean" - so its not a matter of you personally possibly having an STD, but clueing in the BS that there is a high chance of her H having one - not because he is sleeping with you necessarily, but because he is the type of guy who sleeps around behind her back in general.
Author annabelle75 Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 I think the idea is that the OW should make the BS aware that he is sleeping around in general. If he is with an OW - even one who is 'clean', there is a very good chance that there are other OW out there too that he's been messing with who might not be so "clean" - so its not a matter of you personally possibly having an STD, but clueing in the BS that there is a high chance of her H having one - not because he is sleeping with you necessarily, but because he is the type of guy who sleeps around behind her back in general. In that circumstance, than the OW bares no more obligation than any other person that is aware of the MM's cheating. If the MM's best friend or co-worker is aware of it, then are they obligated to tell as well?
michelangelo Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 If someone is married their usual presumption is that they no longer have to worry about STDs because they are in a monogamous relationship. No other person's sexual escapades are intruding on their intimacy. When one of the spouse's cheats, all bets are off. especially if the person they cheat with has many other lovers. It's a statistics thing. The more people one has sex with the higher the risk of getting an STD. Some are transmitted despite rigorous use of condoms. HPV warts is one of them.
Hugh_950 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 IWhen I run into ex-boyfreinds with there new girlfriends I don't feel the need to pull the girls aside to inform them that I use to sleep with their boyfriend, so they might want to get tested for STDs. In that circumstance, than the OW bares no more obligation than any other person that is aware of the MM's cheating. If the MM's best friend or co-worker is aware of it, then are they obligated to tell as well? I agree with both quotes. I was convinced (in the recent go-around on this) that the OP was a BS and only lobying for one more reason that she should have been told that her husband was cheating. As if to say, even though you're screwing my husband, you should sence a civic duty to help stem the tide of STD's by telling me that I'm at an increased risk. I just felt like saying, "Nice try!" But you're NOT going to get ANY of the OW/OM types here to spill the beans over the concern of STDs
Babybird Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 My MM's STBXW cheated on him with with a MM who had numerous OW's. She has been sleeping with this guy for a year and a half and as of today we know of 6 other women that he has slept with. I was pretty nervous about the whole situation and went and got tested. Fortunately, everything came out ok. I received the results yesterday. I did tell MM that if the test had come back with something I would call her myself and let her know. Not because I was pissed, but because she needs to know.(She has been informed by numerous people that her MM is with other women and still sleeping with his W and she either doesn't care or doesn't believe it.)
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