MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t122446/ I wanted to talk to him about this but he hasn't called! He text'd a few times, then the weekend went by with nothing. I know he was working double shifts, and had a family event yesterday. But in the morning I text'd him and he textd back "been a while, miss ya" that sort of thing but just that feeling that things have "changed" (see my thread above). Should I send this to get some closure so I don't have to feel guilty about dating other guys? It appears things between us have come to a halt, where I was hoping we would only slow things down and spend more time getting to know each other better. It all felt good, being close to you, I really liked you, and enjoyed spending time with you. You are a great guy, looks, personality, it all makes a nice package. I had a lot of fun on our first date, just talking, making dinner (me watching you make dinner), and golfing was a lot of fun too. Those are the things I like to do and are the kind of things I need more of for a relationship to develop. I do need take some time and evaluate more of what I want and need in a relationship, and make sure I go through the proper stages of dating with someone. All the things we talked about before we met, about taking our time getting to know each other, respecting ourselves and each other, all those things are important to me. I know sex can be just sex, but when I assess my values, it weighs heavy on my mind that I didn’t stick to my boundaries. I’m not sure how you are feeling about things now, but I wanted to be honest and tell you that I am moving on. Have a good summer D. Ohh I'm not even sure that is what I want. But if he wants out, then it will give him an out as well. What would you add/change or would you send it at all? Just wait it out?
oavada Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 sounds sincere to me and its not weird in any way....if i received this letter from a girl, id accept it and move on to...it's fine.
StartingOver07 Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Your first paragraph contradicts your last. I think you need to figure out what you want before you communicate with this guy.
oavada Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 right...the last line seems fishy to me too. about moving on..
jcster Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 There's no need to give this guy an out unless you want out. There's nothing wrong with backing off for a little while, you don't have to break up to do it.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 I don't like my last sentence either, because if he came to me and really wanted to go slow, start over, and all that stuff, I would consider it, seriously. I would even casually date him, become friends, slowwwwly and not have sex, if he would agree to it. So, how can I re-word the last parts to put the ball in his court, and really get him to open up to me and tell me what he wants and why he hasn't been calling? Then I'll still have to decide whether I want to change the first part or the last part.... end it, or give him the option to continue.
StartingOver07 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Can't you speak to him in person? I understand that you feel you moved too quickly with the sex, and that you need to pull back. But this must be tremendously confusing for him. I know I would be confused -- and hurt -- if a man I'd had sex with suddenly announced that he wanted to stop having sex and date other women. If his method of finding out where I stood with that decision was to send me an email... well, there's no chance I'd stick around. I'd at least have to hear from him in person... and with some pretty compelling reasons why I should stay AND why he made a move he wasn't ready for. I would not be impressed with a guy who did things he later claimed not be ready for; I want a partner who knows his mind. Not trying to be harsh, here, MWC. I just think that if you email him, he will be gone. If that's what you want, then there's no problem. But you seem to be on the fence.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 Well I haven't talked to him because he hasn't called. Maybe his computer is broken again, but he has a phone. I am long distance for him to call, but c'mon, for 20 cents a minute max, he can call me or text me and say "call me" and I will, he knows this. It's a local call for me. He is blowing me off, or maybe I scared him off. Anyway, I am going to end it. In the 2+ years I've been dating again, I've given too many guys too many chances. If a guy thinks I am worthy of dating, he can damned well call me. Sorry, I'm in a pissy mood because I STILL haven't heard from him. I'll change the first sentence and then make it blend with the rest. But I will wait until tomorrow. g'night all
underpants Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 If you want to date him, why can't you call him and ask him to go play a game of golf on Sat. some other friendly activity, that doen't have to led to sex? If he says yes then there you go, if he says no, then just leave it at that. The letter thing seems real serious, ending a relationship that was never technically one to begin with. I don't know what you really want, or even if you know him well enough to discern that for yourself, but if you like him and want to get to know him better, then I think you could make the call. Regards, Unders
Star Gazer Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 OMG, I basically sent my last dude an email almost identical to that one. His response was to call, email, and text incessantly for about a week, only to all of a sudden pull a 180 again and give me a lameo excuse. I sent mine for closure, not to keep the door open. I actually thought I had closed it, but he tried to sneak back in. You need to figure out what you want before communicating with him. If you still want to see him, I wouldn't send that because his reaction won't be genuine or of his own volition - it will be an instinct to chase...and he'll back off again just as fast if he wasn't going to contact you to begin with, if that makes sense.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 You're right undies. It isn't a relationship, and I have to get my head out of that thinking, that because we slept together, it was more than it was, and it wasn't. I'll just have a sex-free, relationship-free summer I suppose. I have two other guys interested in me so not like I'll be sitting at home alone. I can call D tonight but there will be no dates for a while. I'm going on vacation with my kids for the next 12 days, and he hasn't met them yet. He works every weekend in the summer (his 2nd job) and we previously talked about taking some days off together, but now he has backed off. Well, I guess in a way I have backed off too. I hate this game. If I did get to talk to him, either on the phone or in person, I know I will stumble on my words and end up being all sweet and sucky. grrrr men!
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 27, 2007 Author Posted June 27, 2007 So I called him yesterday and left a voicemail. I said "Hi it's (MWC). Just wanted to say hi and wondering how you're doing...things... seem... to... have... come to a halt and... I'm not ...quite ...sure ...why... talk to you soon.." Like, I know now that we weren't bf/gf and not in anything other than barely dating and just having sex.... we had some fun dates though. I would have given it a chance had he called. It's just plain rude that he hasn't called me back or even emailed me! He seemed like such a "nice guy". Just like the "nice guy" in all those "nice guy" threads I read about. I don't understand, but I'm not hurting, just kinda pissed off. Maybe he also uses LS and figured me out what are the odds eh?
Star Gazer Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 MWC - I don't know why, but men seem to think that not calling you back (i.e., the "hint") is more polite than calling you and telling you they have no intentions of continuing seeing you. I will always be befuddled by this. I agree with you, it IS rude.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 27, 2007 Author Posted June 27, 2007 Ya, now i'm like hurry up and call me back so I can break up with you!!!
alphamale Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 MWC - I don't know why, but men seem to think that not calling you back (i.e., the "hint") is more polite than calling you and telling you they have no intentions of continuing seeing you. actually SG....I believe that both men and women do this at about the same frequency
EIN Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 I can not speak for others just myself that if I did not go on more than 3 dates with someone, I could care less about a goodbye message or breakoff because as some already has said, it was not even a relationship to begin with. I had been going on a date with different girls and it seems that even after one date, when I do not feel any connection and discontinue the talk, they get fussy about it but whats ironic is that some friends of theirs told me that the person thought it was not going to work out so my question is why do some people get mad when they do not think its going to work and that the other person discontinue any communications? An act of disrespect, I do not think so considering I too have been on the other end of the stick quite often myself so I guess it depends on how we each individual perceive things. MY line of defense is building an immunity to those cutoff after some dates and keeping my heart under my sleeves. Hope that helps.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 28, 2007 Author Posted June 28, 2007 We only decide that it wasn't going to work out after he cancels and doesn't call when he says, and then doesn't reply to the email we send.
fray718 Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 Did he stop calling before or AFTER you sent that breakup email?...marilyn monroe once said 'a wise girl...leaves before she is left'....not necessarily the best thing to do in most situations but sometimes it just makes things easier....
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 28, 2007 Author Posted June 28, 2007 I never sent the breakup email. Over a week ago I mentioned something about going too fast, and he said "no worries", and i said "I worry, I'm a woman" and we talked about stuff, mostly our pasts, because I said I wanted to get to know each other better. We'd had 5 dates and all with sex in a month, and had been talking online for a month before that. The following Tues, he cancelled our evening (said he got called back to work). Textd me that he'd maybe call Wed. Wed we exchanged texts and he said he'd call Thurs. Thurs I text'd him to say I was home now (as I said I would). He didn't call. Fri I sent a nice 'hi how are you, too bad about Tues, have a great wknd' email. No reply. Sun I texted him and he text'd me back but just the one text saying hi. I waited until Tues evening and left that voicemail a few posts back. It's weird because he used to always be on MSN, mostly Away, but now I haven't seen him on in over a week. He also hasn't been on the dating site in over a week - I don't go on there anymore, I found a way to check without signing in hehe. Anyway, I am done with him. Even if it is something innocent, he could have taken a couple min to call.
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