Not_That_Innocent Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Have you ever been with a man who turns you on sexually and is great in bed, but outside the bedroom you're not attracted to him? Is that even possible? I mean, most women tend to have sex with a man only if she is attracted to him in the first place. A friend of mine wanted me to get your opinion on this. She thinks this guy is great in bed and loves having sex with him, but says that outside the bedroom he does absolutely nothing for her. I don't understand how that can be possible. Men - feel free to weigh in if you want. I posed the question to the ladies assuming that for most men it doesn't matter whether or not you are attracted to a woman - if she's giving it up you will take it (kind of thing)
Lizzie60 Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Have you ever been with a man who turns you on sexually and is great in bed, but outside the bedroom you're not attracted to him? Is that even possible? I mean, most women tend to have sex with a man only if she is attracted to him in the first place. A friend of mine wanted me to get your opinion on this. She thinks this guy is great in bed and loves having sex with him, but says that outside the bedroom he does absolutely nothing for her. I don't understand how that can be possible. Men - feel free to weigh in if you want. I posed the question to the ladies assuming that for most men it doesn't matter whether or not you are attracted to a woman - if she's giving it up you will take it (kind of thing) If men can do it, why can't women do it... I have sex with men that I am not especially attracted to outside the bedroom... but there is some sexual chemistry otherwise it wouldn't be possible...but there is no 'love' per se. So I think what she means is that she can have sex with someone with who she wouldn't have a love connection... In other words... this is Friends with Benefits relationship... simple.
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 If men can do it, why can't women do it... I have sex with men that I am not especially attracted to outside the bedroom... but there is some sexual chemistry otherwise it wouldn't be possible...but there is no 'love' per se. So I think what she means is that she can have sex with someone with who she wouldn't have a love connection... In other words... this is Friends with Benefits relationship... simple. How did you end up in bed if you weren't attracted to him? Was it a situation where you just wanted to have your needs met? I've been in a FWB relationship, but I was very attracted to the guy outside the bedroom. I thought he was hot! But in my friends situation she makes it seem like outside the bedroom she's not even attracted to this guy, says he's not even her type. But in bed she thinks he's all that. What I can't understand is how they ended up in bed in the first place if he's not her type.
Lizzie60 Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 How did you end up in bed if you weren't attracted to him? Was it a situation where you just wanted to have your needs met? I've been in a FWB relationship, but I was very attracted to the guy outside the bedroom. I thought he was hot! But in my friends situation she makes it seem like outside the bedroom she's not even attracted to this guy, says he's not even her type. But in bed she thinks he's all that. What I can't understand is how they ended up in bed in the first place if he's not her type. There has to be some kind of physical attraction I would think.... The men I sleep with are not necessarily my type but there is some chemistry either on the intellectual level...etc. I can't be totally disgusted with a guy outside the bedroom and have sex with him...
McFadden Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I don't see the point if there is no chemistry. I would actually rather have attractive and not as good in bed instead of the other way around.
Rufio Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I Know What You Mean 'Not That Innocent' I Was With This Guy, And At First I Was Attracted To Him ,Then We Had amazing Sex, And I Was Really Attracted To Him!! But It Made Me Wonder If That Was The Only Thing Going for him, Therefore The attraction Out Of The Bedroom Was Gone. Any Help ?? x
Mustang Sally Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I, personally, would not be able to fake it so much as to have satisfying sex with someone I had no attraction to outside of the bedroom. (I have an always-ready-to-please-me vibrator if I just need to have a satisfying orgasm or four...) I have dated guys I didn't have that much attraction, or chemistry, with/to, but it never lasted long or was that satisfying. Maybe your friend is a Charlotte? (As in S&TC) Who has found her "Harry"? And look what that grew into...
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Sorry, no can do. If a man is not intellectually and emotionally stimulating, he's nothing to me.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I once dated a guy, very nice looking. He was "Good in bed", but as the months wore on and we had problems in the relationship.....I started to not like him so much. We still had chemistry in the bedroom, but outside of there, we had too many issues. I ended it. I couldn't continue a relationship like that. I certainly couldn't start a R with a man based only on sexual attraction....I'm a bit old fashioned.
Star Gazer Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I can't be attracted to someone naked in the bedroom who I'm not attracted to outside of it.
Topper Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I have had a couple of on going sexual relationships with woman that were not attracted to me on an emotional level. On a very primal sexual level we were more then attracted to each other. The type of man she normally went for would be,tall clean cut guy. level headed Fret boy that was now on his way up the corporate ladder. Me I'm stocky on the short side very right brained artist type. Both of us knew it would not last. The sex was more then fantstic. that was the only part of our realationship that seemed to work.
doiask42much Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I was with a guy that I found aesthetically pleasing but whom I found generally boring to be with outside the bedroom. I had had a crush on him for several weeks before he finally talked to me, so I'm sure I filled in the blanks of what I wanted his personality to be like to some degree. When I found him to be dull and manifest some personality traits I did not care for, I continued to have sex with him simply because I found him nice to look at. He wasn't particularly skilled or passionate in bed (I don't think he ever had to be?) but the fact that someone so physically ideal thought I was physically ideal made me feel good about myself in a way that I hadn't been feeling up to that point, so I didn't want to let it go. I wanted him to love me and how I felt about him wasn't really that relevant. He was and still is the most attractive guy I've been with (most I've been with were average to slightly above or even below), and the comments of some of my friends that he was cute made me feel like I should hold onto him, at least till something better came along. I guess I was in a sort of desperate place at the time. Reminds me of the Amy Winehouse lyric: a simple attraction that reflects right back to me so I'm not as into you as I appear to be
norajane Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I used to hang around with a group of friends who introduced to me to a cute Irish boy with a great sense of humor and lots of charm. He started hanging out with the group more often when we went out, and I liked him. One night we kissed, and honestly, he was one of the best kissers ever. So we started going out more often and ended up in bed. He was a very good lover. Howevah... Eventually, I realized that he had two separate personalities - the charming, funny personality when he was drinking, and the boring personality when he was sober. We had the chemistry in bed, but when he wasn't drinking, I was bored and even turned off. I suppose I could have kept having sex with him because that was good, but he really did nothing for me outside of bed (except when he was drinking). So, he didn't last too long.
Starry-eyed Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 She thinks this guy is great in bed and loves having sex with him, but says that outside the bedroom he does absolutely nothing for her. I don't understand how that can be possible. I don't understand how that could be possible, either. Unless it started off as a drunken accident and that's how she initially had sex with him, and then it turned out the sex was great but he wasn't. ?? I can totally see the reverse situation, though, with the woman being really attracted to the guy and like him a lot but the actual sex isn't that good. Maybe your friend is withholding some info or not being completely honest? Is she embarassed by him or does she not want to admit that she actually likes him?
norajane Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I can totally see the reverse situation, though, with the woman being really attracted to the guy and like him a lot but the actual sex isn't that good. Yes, THAT is much more likely. Happens all the time. Maybe your friend is withholding some info or not being completely honest? Is she embarassed by him or does she not want to admit that she actually likes him? Maybe it's like Charlotte on Sex and the City, when she met Harry. She was totally turned on by him, but was embarrassed by him because he was a bald, sweaty, hairy dude.
Storyrider Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 What if he was nervous and self-conscious in a social setting but was genuine and at ease in an intimate setting? I can easily see how that could happen and how that side of him would be very attractive. Kind of like when someone stutters when talking but sings beautifully? I'd much rather have that than the opposite, where someone looks good at a party or something, you get him home, get his clothes off and...disappointment. He does nothing for you. I also wonder if your friend is more worried about what other people think of him than what she thinks?
Curmudgeon Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 If men can do it, why can't women do it... I have sex with men that I am not especially attracted to outside the bedroom... but there is some sexual chemistry otherwise it wouldn't be possible...but there is no 'love' per se. The almighty dollar!
Starry-eyed Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 Maybe it's like Charlotte on Sex and the City, when she met Harry. She was totally turned on by him, but was embarrassed by him because he was a bald, sweaty, hairy dude. HAH! :lmao: Yeah, that's probably it!
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