Enough BS...the truth about cheating males and more!

[rainfall]

the thing is i think its safe to say everyone or 99.99% percent of men and women who are sexual fantasized about other people sometimes..its natural..if they dont i think its because they supress it too much

 

I guess I am in that .o1 % then because I have no desire what so ever to think about sex with someone besides my bf. He satisfies me and I find him attractive so why would I need to.

[Tranzphasic0]

I guess I am in that .o1 % then because I have no desire what so ever to think about sex with someone besides my bf. He satisfies me and I find him attractive so why would I need to.

 

because there are so many attractive people lol? i guess there are people who dont care about variety and other attractive people but its so hard for me to get my hear around. so youve never been attracted to anyone else? is that the first and last boyfriend youre going to have then?

[sandybelle]

the thing is i think its safe to say everyone or 99.99% percent of men and women who are sexual fantasized about other people sometimes..its natural..if they dont i think its because they supress it too much

 

now ... where are you getting this number from? just because you have a wilde imagination doesn't mean the rest of the planet thinks alike ...

[sandybelle]

Now sandybelle. It's all a matter of what your willing to do. I can't tell you what to do. I don't know your head. You could demand monogamy. You could have faith. Which means to me that you trust his fidelity and never snoop. You could constantly worry about where and what he's doing. Bluff and bait for truth. You could meet him halfway. You could learn to give up just enough monogamy that it won't drive you crazy.

 

thanks shadow ... i kinda tried some of your suggestions ... i had faith ..it was a good time for us as a couple since he was happy doing his thing and i wasn't suspicious.

 

i tryed having some other partners... not a very fulfilling experience for me from either point of view (emotionally or physically).

 

now I'm at a stage where i constantly worry ...

 

reading posts on this website i came to the conclusion that it doesn't make to much sense breaking up with my bf...i would only exchange one cheater for another...the chances of finding the monogamous man are as high as winning the lottery.

 

probably world would be a happier place if we wouldn't expect so much from our partners ... and vice versa

[Anka]

Shadow, monkeys run around slinging poop. lol.

 

We are not primitive anymore, look around. And most people I know what to settle down with one person, even the guys that do run around screwing anything will allow it.

 

Not all men are like this. That IS the different pov. Just becuase we can be aroused by another does not mean you want to have sex with them.

 

My fiance can come home and tell me about the hot chick he saw. ****, if we are out and I see one first I point it out lol. We have watched porn together. We even slightly discussed a three way, but HE doesnt want to, becuase he doesnt want anything to mess with our private relationship.

 

You really are representing the mindless sex robot pov. Not all men are like this. I work as a stripper and some men want to talk, that is all. Men are just NOT that simple.

[Trialbyfire]

I see this in a three-tier manner.

 

At the lowest tier, you have your uncivilized, must do it with anything that will fit into a skirt, man, woman or beast alike. Mid-tier, the semi-civilized man that thinks about it but wants to keep his mate for himself so he cheats. Top-tier, the truly civilized man that wouldn't mind hitting a few but looks to the future and realizes that he will get analized by his mate if he does, so he practices an unusual technique called "self-control"...

[rainfall]

because there are so many attractive people lol? i guess there are people who dont care about variety and other attractive people but its so hard for me to get my hear around. so youve never been attracted to anyone else? is that the first and last boyfriend youre going to have then?

 

I guess I don't feel the need to "shop around" for other attrative people. Which in my opinon thats what it would be. I don't need variety when I am happy with what I have.

When you say attracted do you mean thinking yeah I guess they are cute or thinking man they are hot I wonder what they look like naked?

I would say he is the last bf I will have. Neither one of us believe in marriage so I guess he will always be my "boyfriend."

[shadowofman]

reading posts on this website i came to the conclusion that it doesn't make to much sense breaking up with my bf...i would only exchange one cheater for another...the chances of finding the monogamous man are as high as winning the lottery.

 

probably world would be a happier place if we wouldn't expect so much from our partners ... and vice versa

sandybelle...your right. I don't think we should expect too much out of each other. I doubt that finding the monogamous man is as rare as winning the lottery, but most of them are in relationships already.

When you find a new love, your brain is flooded with chemicals that are personified in what we can relate to as romantic love. These are inevitably (for many) going to fade away rarely ever to return. The same can be said (for many more folks) for the chemicals that are respondsible for sexual arousal. No one, man or woman, should be able to expect, nor should be able to gaurantee that these chemical reactions are going to continue at an acceptable level for only for one person for presumably the rest of their lives. But we do expect that.

Anka Humans do throw poop. I've seen it more time than I care to have. :sick: We are not nearly as civilized as we think we are. Times are better (in most countries) than when a woman was a man's property. When a man had several wifes thru force. Forced pregnancies on them maybe as young as 11. Yeah we are a millions times better than that. Now we are just dealing with an epidemic of cheaters. Maybe it's not an epidemic. Maybe I'm just being alarmist? Maybe Kinsey's 60% was wrong? I happen to think that it was too low then, and it would have to be even higher today.

The fact that you and your bf talk about "hot chicks" and watch porn is part of what I'm talking about. You have established a line between monogamy and promiscuty (or at least a tolorance of acceptable amount of promicuousness) that you both seem comfortable with, but that some of these people think is way too far. Maybe you too are quite compatable that way.

The way you characterize the men I call promiscuous men, "mindless sex robots" is I think a bit simple. They are, in the sense that all people are, mindless love robots. Mindless druggy robots. Mindless food-addicted robots. Mindless "anything else people like to do or tend to do" robots. The drive to be promiscuous is for some people as powerful as the drive for a love connection. AND... people will be swinging from Trialbyfire's tiered model thru various periods in their lives, from possessive monogamous to "I'll never love again", to "lets just have fun, no pressure".

I may seem pessimistic, but it's the idea that no one's is really evil. It's good people that do bad things for stupid reasons. Cheater's will not always be cheaters, though they may always be tempted by their promiscuousness. I think you can make a moral decision to stop/never lie, but you can't change a promiscuous sexual orientation. For these people, all you can do is decriminalize enough to make a compromise, if you love them.

[RecordProducer]

Your all a bunch of monkeys and the fact that you deny it further evidences the fact that your all a bunch of monkeys.

------->>> (scratches armpits)

 

I think you're an amoeba and the fact that you deny it proves even more that you are an amoeba!

 

Einstein, Freud, Hemingway, Mozart, Da Vinci... they are monkeys.

[Anka]

Okay Shadow, now I feel you have made some good points, lol.

 

But the monkey thing was a stretch.

 

I also tend to define promiscuois and monogamy by what we choose to do. Not by the inner mental playground we all have.

[shadowofman]

I think you're an amoeba and the fact that you deny it proves even more that you are an amoeba!

Fair enough.

Einstein, Freud, Hemingway, Mozart, Da Vinci... they are monkeys.

They most certainly were. Especially Freud! lol

Okay Shadow, now I feel you have made some good points, lol.

But the monkey thing was a stretch.

Most certainly not a stretch. We are classified as Homo Sapian Sapian (Man the wise, the wise) We shared 98+% of our DNA with Chimps and Bonobos. We have only mastered fire for 100k years. Agriculture and porn for 10k years. That is seriously, very seriously a blip on our family tree. Watch Jerry Springer and tell me we are not monkeys! Some of us (myself included) think we are better than monkeys, and attempt to act that way. I believe that it's a futile attempt when it comes to the sex drive (for most people). That's why abstinance policies don't work for kids. Chemicals that their own brains and glands create are making them want to have sex, just as I believe that men are hard wired in the brain to want to have sex with many women throughout life. Religious delusions can sometimes curb sexual desires (like these str8 camps claim). Just like everybody is not gay, some people are not promiscuous. They may not have the wiring required. Maybe we will be able to detect the promiscuity gene eventually.

I also tend to define promiscuois and monogamy by what we choose to do. Not by the inner mental playground we all have.

I do believe that these words are inadequate. I try to make a distiction.

 

Monogamous - The condition of having only one mate during a breeding season or during the breeding life of a pair

 

Monogamousness - the tendancy to want to have only one mate during a breeding season or during the breeding life of a pair

 

Promiscuous - characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, esp. having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis

(though I wouldn't require the word, indiscriminate)

 

Promiscuousness - the tendancy to want to be promiscuous

 

Does that make a good enough distinction between what I've said and what I mean to say?

 

That being said, I'll rephrase my point. Most men have an innate promiscuousness that is almost nearly impossible to control. Even if you think that they are controlling it, they are most likely struggling. Even if it's only in the rare "What she doesn't know, won't hurt her" situations most men cheat. Not because they are *******s. Not because they don't love you. But because they are monkeys and they want a variety of women that they are not allowed. So they cheat the monogamous contract that was agreed upon and they are really good at it.

 

I want to now tell you why I think that I am more than just some pessemistic idiot

I have no degree. I'm not some wise old man. I never left the country. BUT

1. The science - Evolutionary Behavioral Studies was my major and it's the only psychology that is actually testable by the scientific method. The rest of that Freud crap is interesting, but it's all guesswork. Comparative studies into primate behavior and zoological studies into humans show overwelming evidence for the promiscuousness of men and women.

2. My brain - As a man with a terrible need to analyze my own brain, I feel that I have more creduelity than any woman on the topic of the male brain. Sorry, but I admit that you understand women better than me.

3. Experience - My personal experiences talking to men of all races, ages, origins, orientations, relationship status', and personalities. Hundreds of candid conversations about women, their wives, and men (if they are gay). Ranging from total mysogenistic to feminist. From picky, rare opportunity cheaters, to men that have hot wives and screw the nastiest pigs you've ever seen on a nearly DAILY basis (like my old boss).

 

Kinsey said 60% of his male subjects admitted to infidelity. My experiences would be to put that number at atleast 80%. Maybe 10% are in relationships were they don't have to cheat (wives like girls too, ect.). And maybe 10% are actually, and for whatever reason truely acting monogamous. I also believe that a portion of these men have an innate promiscuousness (just a tendancy), and are either religiously afraid of god's punishment of eternal hell (not a good reason) or they're religiously afraid of their wives leaving them (very good reason).

I've accepted the way evolution has made me, and it helps (ME) to seperate the drive for sexual variety from the temptation to cheat on my wife. I hope it help some of women here to seperate the feelings of being cheated on from the feelings of being unloved. Or whatever it can do for you.

 

I was going to make another point but I forgot it.

[halfarock]

I remember once reading an article about human sperm in a science magazine. It was something about the discovery that not all sperm cells were the same. Apparently some of the sperm cells are fighters; that is, their purpose is to destroy the sperm cells of other men. A clear indication that biologically a woman is suitable for multiple partners and the partner with the strongest sperm gets to impregnate her.

[Trialbyfire]

Don't the military name their torpedoes or seeker missiles?

[shadowofman]

I remember once reading an article about human sperm in a science magazine.

Absolutely correct. This is one piece of evidence. Sperm competition. There are fertilizers and fighters. On this topic, it is important to understand the relationships we have with our cousins the apes and other primates. We are not decendant from chimps, but chimps and humans evolved from a common ancestor. We know nothing of the sexual orientations of this common ancestor but it was most likely very similar to chimps. Chimps have the largest testies of all apes. Followed by humans. Chimps are the most promiscuous of all apes, followed by humans. Chimps and humans create very large quantaties of sperm in order to insure that it's their seed that makes it to the egg. There is one difference though. Chimps have a different type of sperm that actually creates a plug (linebackers) intended to close the cervix to the next males sperm. The sexual culture of chimps is typically a standard, free love for all promiscuity. No possessiveness. Every male in a tribe will mate with every female of the tribe. That is why their sperm is so specialized to sperm warfare. Bonobos are almost identical in their physiology including sperm, but their sexual culture is a bit different. There is still ttal promiscuity, but it's a female dominated culture. All bonobos are bisexual. The females stick to a female clique with it's own hierarchy and dole out sexual favors to the males in exchange for food and services (or if a male gets too aggressive, one female will assuage his testosterone high with a mercy screw). Most of the day females will "GG rub" and the males will penis spare. lol

Humans are less promiscuous biologically than our closest cousins, but very promiscuous none the less.

By comparison, gorillas have a male dominated, harem structure. One silverback, many females. Tiny nuts, and very little sperm. He relies on force to control this situation. Control over the females and over the rival males.

Our own human sexual cultures are as diverse as our other types of cultures. We have polyamorous harems, pseudo-monogamous pair bonds, and a couple more rare types of arrangements. This doesn't change the fact that we have an innate biological tendancy for promiscuity, something like the chimps.

It is commonly theorized that our hazardous reproductive process (hugh brains and all), and our general helplessness as infants lead us into a pair bonding system of child rearing. It is my personal hypothesis that our monumental evolutionary advancement in communication not only allowed us to lie much better than chimps (who lie very well), but was one of the driving forces in our formation of language and the sexual culture we "enjoy" today. I believe that the logical progression from total promiscuity, to pair bonding, coupled with our ability and tendancy to lie thru our teeth has created a pseudo-monogamous sexual culture. Rampant and in your face. Undenyable (unless it's your man we are talking about or you are a man protectincg your rep).

Side note: I don't really believe that male dominated sexual culture like the extreme muslims, jews, and christians has much to do with biology because it's dictated by other types of culture. Only in a culture were men and women are relative equals in society can we see the nature of our sexual culture.

Side note #2: Humans have the largest penis of all the apes. Why? I think it's a sexual selection, not by females, but within the male heirarchy. The big guys bullied the little guys away from the ladies. I don't know. Maybe it's the other way around. Some woman claim that size does matter, some don't.