FeltonRoad Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I made a topic a while back about my girlfriend and coping. I never did stick to no contact, I don't message her much but i still do occasionally. usually just friendly txt messages. And a few tiems we played an online game for several hours. I find myself having these dreams that make me unhappy all the time. Even when I don't want to contact her or be reminded of things I end up having dreams about her. I have these dreams where I visit her and we are barely even friendly when we speak to each other and our contact is cold and distant. I always wake up really upset by them. I actually woke up spontaneously this morning due to a dream about her. In the dream I had this thick book with pages and pages of me spilling out all my feelings about her and the breakup and everything and I'm reading it to her (this book doesn't exist outside of the dream... although I have made blogs and written some of my feelings down about things). At some point when i'm reading she tells me she's pregnant with her new boyfriend and thats when I spontaneously woke up. Does anyone else have constant dreams about their ex that you don't want to have? I really hate them because they're making her seem like she's not a real person anymore. Sometimes when I dream about people who are no longer in my life the people start seeming almost magical or unreal. I don't know how to describe it. And sometimes I just want to hear their voice and talk to them so i can be reminded they're just people and there's nothing special about them. Its almost kinda like my dreams turn people into a movie star or something, you can't really see them as an ordinary person. I'm getting tired of being reminded of her from countless things that I encounter every day/week. It always makes me feel sick to my stomach. I want to remain friends with her, but another part of me wants to completely forget about her and never see or speak to her ever again. I don't feel like were friends anyways, more like people who keep in contact once a week or every few weeks. I feel ****ed up from that relationship after its been done for so long. I wish my first relationship had been a little healthier. I'm pessimistic now and afraid of letting myself fall for anyone ever again. I'm afraid to try dating or do anything anymore. It might just be the mood I'm in today though. I should really wait until I'm not so down before writing these things because I'm normally feeling good most of the time.
Pixie-Minx Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Hey, i do similar things, i wake up and automatically rollover to cuddle my ex and then realise he is not there, its a horrible sinking feeling in my heart every morning! Id say im not in contact with my ex although as far as im aware we are still on each others msn ( he msged me last thursday and i just logged off!) You do need a bout of no contact for a while otherwise you will never get over it.
tinke Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 i believe having dreams is quite ordinary, and as you say, very disturbing. the dreams probably occur because she is heavily on your mind. it is very difficult to remain in contact on any level when you still have strong feelings for someone, it is almost a constant reminder of that rejection. for me, i want the dreams to STOP! so i carefully divert my thoughts away from him. the truth is, it no longer is. no matter how much we may want them to listen, hear us out, etc....they have chosen to move on. quite frankly, what we have to say, does not interest them. it is our private hell. it seems from your description that maybe the loss of her seeming "real" in the dreams, is a step in moving away. maybe you are fighting that feeling of really letting go. sounds crazy, i know, but, in doing so...you are admitting it is over. try to keep her off your mind in your wakeful times, repeat to yourself...she has chosen to leave, etc. whatever makes sense to you, to process that she is not what you used to know. the truth is...once someone leaves, the dynamics of the relationship have changed. i think we all try to hold onto what was, particularly when deeply hurt. ask yourself..what is the benefit to you to keep in contact with her? how will you react when she has moved on, does date, marry, etc? is it worth it to know what she is doing in her life? wishing you restful nights!!!!!
skeletonindacloset Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I can dig where your coming from Felton. Over three years ago my ex let me go as a lover but wanted me to stay friends. I agreed at first then made it clear that I couldn't handle it anymore, then about a year later we started contact again but I hadn't healed one bit. I still had horrible dreams about her acting horribly towards me, but I let myself stay in contact with her cuz I missed the hell outta her, then I told her again that we couldn't do this, then it happened again, then I moved 1,000 miles away from her but we stayed in contact occassionally and it only drove me more nuts. So I moved back home and she has since then gotten married and I thought I was gonna be alright until she came to my bands show one night and I couldn't bring myself to tell her to leave because I was still hung up on her, and then I fell inot mass depression again and horrible dreams, then a few months passed and now it's summertime(when our relationship became romantic) and we're still talking on an occassional basis but all it's doing is hurting more and more. I've been close to the big "S" word a few times and my friends know it and she knows it , yet she still believes that she can be a good friend and help me by being there for me when what would probably be the best thing for me is to have her not be there at all. It's a an incredibly tough road to travel Felton and I don't know exactly how you feel but I do know what it's like to have the pain of lost love feel like it will never heal. I sent her an email a week ago telling her that everytime we make contact and say hello it feels like I'm saying goodbye all over again and how much it hurts and takes me right back to square one and three years after the fact I'm still as miserable as the day she left. I haven't heard back from her since then. I'm of the hope that she's going to actually leave me alone this time but still deeeeeep down I don't hope that at all. She's been having some serious health issues these past few years and I begin to worry more and more about her health and my biggest fear is that we part ways on a bad note and then I never get to hear her voice again. I guess this is when we're supposed to take steps in a healing direction but I find myself not worried about myself. I figure the opportunity to speak with the one I love is not far from completely gone and who knows what's gonna happen so I want to be there for here anyway she needs me, even if it means my recovery remains nonexistant. J. Geils said it best Felton "Love Stinks.. Yeah Yeah"
funkybassplayer Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 For ages, i woke up in tears because i know the routine. Get up, make my ex a t in the morning get the kids (hers) breakfast, and get them ready for school, them drop them.Even now 8 weeks on i still wake up at the same time, but on my own but with the thoughts of them every morning. Now another guy is doing what i was..........it hurts. I sleep on the couch now, it helps, and luckily i do sleep well, and the pain now only lasts for about 30m9ns in the morning. I selling the house as i feel i need a change of lifestyle and area.
mike5770 Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 My dreams with my latest fiasco have been ongoing and the same theme. The first one I was in a crowded place and I see her walking from work with her purse and handbag and I say hi and she just keeps going and just doesn't even acknowledge me..(might damn well happen for real when I see her) but these dreams have always been the same theme until my most recent one where I was hanging out with her and she was for some crazy reason unemployed and homeless and her boyfriend was out of work as well. I was just hanging with them...I have no idea why I had that dream but it is natural and you can't predict or control them. I sometimes still have dreams of my first love some 20 years later..I used to get mad, but now I just sit back, grab some dream soda and popcorn, and enjoy the show as I know I can't control it and don't blame myself. So just pretend it is entertainment as you can't control it anyway.
poisoned213 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 you've got to cut it off. everyone wants to be friends in the beginning but if you're the one in the position to want to get back than it doesn't help at all.. You've got to cut it off and try your best to move on, remove your feelings from the situation and put them somewhere else. It won't happen easily or quickly but it's the truth and it will help more than harm.
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