2Lost Posted February 13, 2003 Posted February 13, 2003 I really need some advice. I am 20 years old and pregnant by this guy that I barely dated and havn't talked to him in a long time. He doesn't know that I am pregnant....in fact...noone knows! I haven't told anyone and I have been able to hide it for 8 1/2 months. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was about 4 months along, and even then when I suspected it, I kept telling myself I wasn't. I guess i was in denial. I mean I am in college, living in a dorm, and this is definently not the time in my life to be a mother. I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know what to do. I mean, I am the only one that knows I am pregnant. I think my roomate thinks that I am, but when she asks me about it, I tell her that I am not, and that i have just gained weight. But I am real petite, and before I got pregnant I weighed 107 lbs and I am 5'3. So It has been kind of hard to cover up my pregnant belly. I used to dress cute all the time, and now I wear sweatshirts and sweatpants all the time to cover it up, and obviously it has worked, because my family hasn't questioned me at all about it. My friends have asked me if I am, but I continue to deny it. The thing is, I know that it is only a short time until this baby is born. In a few weeks (or less) I will be having a baby, and I know then that people will know, and I am scared. I don't know what to expect or if I should tell anyone. I haven't prepared for this at all. I haven't been to the doctor, I haven't picked out a name, I haven't read a single book on being a mother or how to care for a baby. I DON'T KNOW!!! I want someone to be there for me when I am having the baby. And I don't know if I should put the baby up for adoption or keep it. I don't know how my parent's will react. I just don't know what to do. Can anyone out there help me?????
Kat Posted February 13, 2003 Posted February 13, 2003 You haven't even been to see a doctor??? This is very disturbing. You have had no pre natel health care at all????? This is very dangerous for you and the baby. They are spose to monitor the babies growth as well as yours, so small things like, can this baby physically fit through your hips, can be assessed Go to a doctor NOW!!
clia Posted February 13, 2003 Posted February 13, 2003 Get yourself to a doctor right now, TODAY. Call your parents right now, TODAY. If you think they are going to be mad now, just think how mad they are going to be if you don't tell them and they get a call from the hospital in two weeks about their new grandchild. In reality, they might be mad at first, but they are your parents, so they will do whatever they can to help you deal with this. You cannot ignore this any longer. I can't even believe you've been able to ignore it for this long. You are in total denial, however, unfortunately that denial period is about to end when you are holding a brand new human being in your arms, a human being who YOU are responsible for for the rest of your life. I think you probably should put this baby up for adoption, since you clearly are not mature enough to handle it.
quankanne Posted February 13, 2003 Posted February 13, 2003 make an appointment with the campus counseling or health office immediately, or check the phonebook's yellow pages for "crisis pregnancy." While these folks will not be able to tell you what to do, they will help by listening and pointing you in the right directions. You've made a very brave decision to share this with us, and I can only imagine that it must be very scary trying to deal with this on your own. Is there anyone in your family that you are close to, who you can contact and share your situation with? Again, that person might not be able to say "do this, do that, do blah-blah," but just take some of the burden off you by listening. Regardless of what you decide about the future of this baby (raise it or give it up for adoption), you owe it to yourself to seek medical treatment. You've been pretty fortunate so far to not have any serious complications (none that you've mentioned anyway), but you need to start thinking about doing something proactive right now. Even if it is late in your pregancy, it's better than doing nothing. Don't ever feel that you must be ashamed or afraid to seek help -- even if this is a surprise pregancy, you and your baby deserve to be taken care of. You'd be surprised how people are willing to help, not judge. a quick Yahoo search on "crisis pregnancy" has turned up these results: 800-PREGNANCY (crisispregancy.com) crisis pregancy center network (cpc.org) pregancycenters.org also, the Catholic Church offers a program called "The Gabriel Project" for pregnant women who need help; check the local phone book for the number of the local Catholic church and the office personnel can direct you to the right place. (the link http://www.alphaprc.org/gabrielproject.html explains what it is) Good luck, and you and your baby are in my prayers. jo anne
quankanne Posted February 13, 2003 Posted February 13, 2003 Clia's made a good point about letting your parents know. They probably will be upset because of the secret you've kept, but you're still their baby and they're going to want to do whatever they can to help you, so don't let fear keep you away or apart from their help.
Debster Posted February 13, 2003 Posted February 13, 2003 Are you sure that your parents don't know? Seems to me that it's hard to hide an 8 1/2 month baby on a small frame. Maybe they know but haven't said anything to you about it because they're waiting for you to bring it up. If so, they're being incredibly understanding and probably would be a great support to you.
midori Posted February 14, 2003 Posted February 14, 2003 as others have said, please go to a doctor. Now!! Telling your parents is the wise and right thing to do. You're worried about their anger, but what is far more important is to get their advice and support because you're going to need it.
Paul Posted February 14, 2003 Board of Directors Posted February 14, 2003 Originally posted by Debster Are you sure that your parents don't know? Seems to me that it's hard to hide an 8 1/2 month baby on a small frame. Maybe they know but haven't said anything to you about it because they're waiting for you to bring it up. If so, they're being incredibly understanding and probably would be a great support to you. It's surprising what some people will unconsciously ignore. I doubt that the parents are consciously aware that their daughter is pregnant. 2Lost: It is imperative that you see a doctor immediately. There are numerous confidential programs that will get you free or low-cost medical care which is absolutely imperative for your own health and the health of your baby. Many localities have toll-free hotlines, clinics, and assistance programs to help you and your baby through this period. Planned Parenthood, for example, is one such organization. Letting your parents in on what's going on is a choice you ultimately have to make on your own. Not getting appropriate care for yourself and for your child isn't something you can afford to put off any longer. Best wishes, Paul
Ally Boo Posted February 17, 2003 Posted February 17, 2003 I admire you for opening up to us to tell us about your problem. I know its got to be really scary for you. But, they already suspect it, and I think they'll react a lot better than you think. Sometimes our parents suprise us. Please take care of yourself and do what is right for your baby.
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