mopar crazy Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 The only reason I can see why I would have this dream is b/c I was extremely pissed off at H for some reason. I can't remember what we got into a fight about. Anyhow, I had this dream that H and I were at a bar where the xOW was. I approached her and told her to take my H back. I told her I didn't want him anymore and she was welcome to him. WTH is that all about? Is that my subconscious telling me that the A is still an issue in our M and I just can't deal w/ it anymore so it would be just easier if he went back to her so I could start my life over w/o him? It's been four years since his A. My heart is mended, pretty much, but I still feel disgusted w/ him for risking our M for her. I keep thinking that my M has been soiled and it will never be pure again b/c of his A. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't of went through the D instead of taking him back for the simple reason that his A will always be in my thoughts.
Havn_a_life Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Is there something about the A that you feel you haven't been told the truth about? This could be causing the feelings that cause you to dream a dream like that.
Author mopar crazy Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 Is there something about the A that you feel you haven't been told the truth about? This could be causing the feelings that cause you to dream a dream like that. No, I really don't think so. I think he has pretty much told me the whole truth about the A. I just don't know if working on the M was the best. I will always have the A in the back of my mind and knowing the M was tainted by it. Sometimes I do wonder if it was the best decision to make the M work knowing he broke his vows and was unfaithful to me. Thanks for the reply!
Havn_a_life Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 What would you, deep down, like to do about it, though? You're honest with yourself about how you feel about the whole A, and you feel that you know all there is to know about the whys and wherefores. What do you want to do about it now? It seems like you've come to a crossroads and you're looking down each road. You know what your options are. What do you want?
Author mopar crazy Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 What would you, deep down, like to do about it, though? You're honest with yourself about how you feel about the whole A, and you feel that you know all there is to know about the whys and wherefores. What do you want to do about it now? It seems like you've come to a crossroads and you're looking down each road. You know what your options are. What do you want? That's it, I don't know what I want to do. Would my life be happier if I got out of the M and didn't have to think about his A anymore or do I stay M and continue to work through the A. It has gotten better, but sometimes I wonder if it was the best choice, to R.
LakesideDream Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 No, I really don't think so. I think he has pretty much told me the whole truth about the A. I just don't know if working on the M was the best. I will always have the A in the back of my mind and knowing the M was tainted by it. Sometimes I do wonder if it was the best decision to make the M work knowing he broke his vows and was unfaithful to me. Thanks for the reply! Mopar, I can understand your feelings about making a marriage work, after an affair. Personally, at my advance age and experiance level I wouldn't make any effort at all to re-engage a cheating spouse, or even girl friend. One the other hand, soon after my divorce now 7 years ago I had a dream that occured over a half dozen times. In the dream my cheating ex was diagnosed with M.S. which runs in her family. I do love dreams with a happy ending. I also had a dream 3 times over they years the last being last winter where the ex was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer, and her "c" rotted. Again, can't beat a happy ending. Sometimes a dream is just a dream, however entertaining.
Curmudgeon Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 One the other hand, soon after my divorce now 7 years ago I had a dream that occured over a half dozen times. In the dream my cheating ex was diagnosed with M.S. which runs in her family. I do love dreams with a happy ending. I also had a dream 3 times over they years the last being last winter where the ex was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer, and her "c" rotted. Again, can't beat a happy ending. Sometimes a dream is just a dream, however entertaining. Those types of dreams, and your expressed glee about them, indicate that you're not over her or your broken marriage. When you achieve complete indifference you'll be healed, and not before.
LakesideDream Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Curm, clearly there is truth in what you say. I have read hundreds of your posts, and in my opinion you made a truly miraculous recovery from your situation, especially considering all those children! No question my "recovery" was not as complete. I expect that I will alway harbor angry and malicious thoughts for my despicable ex. I embrase rather than suppress my anger. It is a reality of my life. I am not living the life I worked at for over 25 years, and yes, I feel cheated. On a day to day basis it's inconsequential. Kudo's to you my friend. Your story is insperational to everyone here, however like shoes and condoms... one size does not fit all.
lonelybird Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 No question my "recovery" was not as complete. I expect that I will alway harbor angry and malicious thoughts for my despicable ex. . I understand that. now I am thinking ALL human being are sinful and fallible in nature, if we hold on bitterness, we only get bitterness? and we stuck on bitterness. and absolutely we CANNOT put our eyes on human who can make mistakes.
Incognitox Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Mopar, has your H made it up to you enough? Has he given you the reassurance you need that he is fully committed to you and is truly sorry for what he's done? Could it be that he hasn't and you are tired of working at something that he's not also working at?
Author mopar crazy Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 Mopar, has your H made it up to you enough? Has he given you the reassurance you need that he is fully committed to you and is truly sorry for what he's done? Could it be that he hasn't and you are tired of working at something that he's not also working at? IMO, yes I think he has but there is always that small part of me that thinks he could do it again. But then I have read that if a H doesn't cheat on his W until several years into the M and they work on the M chances are he wont do it again. I would hope and pray he would never cheat on me again but if he does, I wont stay in the M. One A and R did enough damage to my heart I couldn't do it again. He has said how sorry (and stupid) for what he did and he always reassures me he will not do it again.
Crimson107 Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 IMO, yes I think he has but there is always that small part of me that thinks he could do it again. But then I have read that if a H doesn't cheat on his W until several years into the M and they work on the M chances are he wont do it again. I would hope and pray he would never cheat on me again but if he does, I wont stay in the M. One A and R did enough damage to my heart I couldn't do it again. He has said how sorry (and stupid) for what he did and he always reassures me he will not do it again. I think in four years I might be in the same position as your husband. My wife is trying her best to mend but it is hard and you will always remember. I, too, will always remember how stupid and sorry I am. I just know that I can love over those fears and will be happy with every moment I get to keep with my wife. I hope your husband feels lucky like I do. It is hard for him too. I pray you all the luck and can keep going.
JustBreathe Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Mopar, I am 5 years out and feel much like you do... not sure what to do. Not sure if it was worth it staying in the marriage as we are not happy and often wonder should I get a divorce. Ambivalent. Stuck in the middle. You seem to harbor alot of anger and resentment still (like I do), despite your H's efforts at changing himself for the better and being sorry for what he did. It's like you can't let it go. I know that feeling. I think your dream is probably pretty normal. I have had some doozey's myself. Maybe it's nothing more than a way to express your resentment and anger without actually voicing it or taking it out on him. Just a release of all that pent up stuff to avoid punching him in his nether parts! (please *smile* I was only joking). Sometimes a dream is just a gift to yourself. A way of expressing something inside of you when you can't actually say it. Or don't want to say it. Doncha think?
child_of_isis Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 Reminds me of the saying.....the opposite of love is not hatred, but apathy.Those types of dreams, and your expressed glee about them, indicate that you're not over her or your broken marriage. When you achieve complete indifference you'll be healed, and not before.
Melissa277 Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 One the other hand, soon after my divorce now 7 years ago I had a dream that occured over a half dozen times. In the dream my cheating ex was diagnosed with M.S. which runs in her family. I do love dreams with a happy ending. I also had a dream 3 times over they years the last being last winter where the ex was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer, and her "c" rotted. Again, can't beat a happy ending. Sometimes a dream is just a dream, however entertaining. LOL! For some bizzare reason, I find your dreams hilarious, Lakeside. Guess that means I'm in the same place you are, huh? Scary ...
Recommended Posts