IWALH Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I am starting to feel so weak. I don't think I will be able to do this. I can easily perform step 1 to recovery... admitting I am powerless to this addiction. He has me hooked and as much as I just want to tell his wife everything that I kept from her and then be done with him, I just can't. A big part of it is probably because of how good the sex was between us and I just can't imagine not ever having sex with him again. I am addicted to how he makes me feel when we have sex. Nobody has ever made me feel that good.... I just don't think I will be able to stay away from him. This is disgusting. My logic tells me to tell her and be done with it. But this other part of me is struggling so hard to just stay quiet and keep believing what he is telling me even though he tells me BLATANT F*CKING LIES. WTF is wrong with me?!?! He isn't going to "leave her for me." He knows she is pretty much fed up with him and he is stringing me along in case things don't work out with her... while he is trying SO HARD to get her to not divorce him. I just feel like I am going to go over the edge again. I am so f*cking depressed and so hurt. Now I am in tears again. WHAT IS HE DOING TO ME? How did I give him such complete power and control over me? What am I going to do... I can't do this. I will never be able to quit him. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. He is telling me to just hang on and he is just telling her what she wants to hear while he is staying there because he has nowhere else to go. I am just so f*cking lost and deluded right now... when did I lose sight of myself? I am so miserable.....
oavada Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 id wait it out honestly...you know hes gonna divorce her and that will just give you more time with him...give it some time, be patient with it and the relationship can continue.
frannie Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I think I've missed your entire story but hmm, you know... if you really see the logic in what you're writing then it doesn't make a lot of sense, does it..? Tells you likes, wants to stay married to her but asks you to wait..? What for? You know, good sex isn't THAT hard to come by. I just don't see what's in it for you..? What is in it for you..? If it's just the sex then what's the problem?
frannie Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 id wait it out honestly...you know hes gonna divorce her and that will just give you more time with him...give it some time, be patient with it and the relationship can continue. I must have missed that bit..?
pricillia Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 IWALAH I understand blatant lies as well as the strong connection and how it makes you feel when the two of you are together. You are stonger then you think that you are... I confronted my MM in a lie yesterday, he was so mad at me... all I did was ask him a question, he acted like a animal that you backed up aganinst the wall, both sad and concerning for me.. anyway... In your case you have control over your life, you know what you should do, work it through in your head and in your heart.
oavada Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I must have missed that bit..?Come on, you know it's gonna happen...he's cheating on his wife, she says it's rocky...its bound to happen...
frannie Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Come on, you know it's gonna happen...he's cheating on his wife, she says it's rocky...its bound to happen... Irony, right..?
norajane Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 IWALH, you drove into a ditch last night and nearly hurt other people in the process, and could have hurt yourself, all because you were so distraught over this man. I'd say you've hit rock bottom, you know his character and what he's about. You must start caring more for yourself and your own well-being than you have been up until now. You have a child to take care of, and you have yourself to take care of. Focus on those things and shut him out. You can do this, and you will do this, and once you do, you'll realize how good it feels to stop beating your head against the same wall every single minute of every day. You have to believe that you can do this. Because you owe it to yourself and your daughter. LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER, not him. He doesn't deserve it, no matter how good the sex was.
messylady Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 IWAHL? my heart really does go out to you, my situation is so similar except with me I have no child and I am older than you, my MM has me hopelessly addicted, I swear to god that it is over and I wont let him hurt me anymore, then he comes back and i believe every single excuse and lie, then I realise I heard it all before and it is just lies that I want to believe.... then I come here and read things that could have been wrote by me, it seems to me that 99.9% of mm's are all the same and the likes of you and I who have been taken in deserve so much better.... please try and gain strength from those here who have been through all this before us, you sound like such a lovely person, please please please , before u get to my age (and find yourself still hoping) please start thinking of yourself... you deserve to be #1 in someones life, please start thinking of you and your child xx
Author IWALH Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 Irony, right..? I'm not sure what you guys mean??
Love is Tragic Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I 110% can sympathize with you. I am married and have been involved in a sexual and emotional affair with a MM for the past 8 months. The sex is phenomenol, almost unbelievably so. And the connection we share is so overwhelming. I have had good lovers before, but he far surpasses them. I couldnt imagine not getting to have sex with him anymore. However, i havent heard from him in almost 2 months (we used to talk every single day) so im afraid its over. And its too damn depressing to even think about. Unlike you though, we never talk about leaving our spouses, i think that we each fill a void in the others life and heart that our spouses do not fill. And we find comfort in that. We have never mentioned leaving our spouses for each other and we dont expect it. We celebrated the time we had together and made the most of it, with lots of sex of course, But, i think that ship has sailed, and it hurts so much.. so i know what youre going through. I didnt think everything he ever told me was lies, but maybe it was, seeing as it looks like he has just vanished off the face of the earth, i dont even know if hes dead or alive.
woe_is_me Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 You know, good sex isn't THAT hard to come by. This is VERY true, it might not seem like it now IWALH .. but i realised what frannie is saying is true a couple of years after the A ended.. (it's just that he was oh so wrong for me in other ways .. younger and irresponsible but cute - wrong..just like MM was) You will find passion again but it won't always mean he is 'Mr. Right'. This b...tard is NOT worth making yourself sick and miserable for .. you WILL realize that. Just try not to think about him too much okay.
NoIDidn't Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 IWALH I hope you are feeling a little better now. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your baby. I have no words about this guy. I'm sure you have plenty for him. The best way to get rid of an addiction is to change your routine so the addiction and the people, places, and things associated with it start to fade from prominence. Your baby is not a part of this addiction, I might add. Take care of yourself. Start with some fresh fruit and veggies. Seriously. It helps to fight the depression. I hope you feel better AND get far, far away from this guy. Frannie is so right. Good sex is actually not that hard to come by. You will smile and have good sex again.
Onelife Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 IWALH, I hope you feel better today. Keep writing! It should help you to vent your stress. I like NoIDidn't's idea about fresh fruit and veggies, very interesting. I will try that myself as I also feel that I am addicted to him! Sad... but let's try our best to break it.
torranceshipman Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Hey IWALH, You said he is an addiction, right? A nasty addiction, not love...you're so right. You are 100% on the mark, you must be, because these are the withdrawal symptoms and they're tough-but you can get through them,without a doubt-stay strong. Stick with it girl, you are doing GREAT. Think of it as looking after your daughter too, so she can see her mom in a healthier place (mentally - and physically, given the ditch incident!!)... MM played a huge hand in knocking down your self esteem and making you unhappy...that way his crap is more likely to work on you...seriously, is he ever going to want you to be an empowered, strong, confident woman? No, never. Because the happy, confident woman you used to be wouldn't stand for this crap (remember how happy you were without him?). You'll be that woman again and thats what you're fighting for right now. You know if you can, find some time to do some really great stuff for yourself. Even if it's makeover/movie nights on your own...get a gym membership pronto if you can, buy new moisturiser and tan, get your hair done, join a new class or even enrol for a good course online...anything that you'd really enjoy...do it all for YOU not for him or any other guy. Start spoiling yourself. I know this is NOT easy but please stick with it. The guy is an emotional leech...a jackass....and the kind of man who would have sex with you a few feet from hiswife and kids. I know you wondered how any man could make you act like that....just remember those moments....anything that reminds you how sleazy the guy can be...if you can, only remember those moments...that'll make it much easier to keep him at arms length. Keep going, I'm really rooting for you...stay away from that jackass!!!
Author IWALH Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 Thank you guys so much for your support and encouragement... but I have started to break again. Last night he finally packed a suitcase, took his wedding ring off and left the house because he and W were arguing again. He called me after he left, sobbing and yelling. He kept saying over and over and over "Why didn't you listen to me? Why didn't you listen to me? Why didn't you listen to me?" Then he YELLED "WHY DIDN'T YOU F*CKING LISTEN TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!" and hung up on me!!! He told me I obviously didn't trust him. He told me he had it all planned out to where it wasn't going to hurt anybody but now, because of ME, since I talked and told his wife some things (trust me, not everything) EVERYONE was getting hurt!!! He said "Why did you tell her EVERYTHING again?!?!?!?!!" And I DIDN'T. I did 2 years ago, but I DID NOT this time!!! I yelled back at him and said "Quit making ME feel like the BAD GUY!! I did NOT tell her everything! I told her about 40%, she guessed about 20% but there is still a BUNCH more that she doesn't know and if you'd like I WILL CALL HER RIGHT NOW and tell her EVERYTHING!!!" That made him calm down a little. He said "I know you are not the bad guy... but why don't you trust me? I had everything planned out, etc etc." I do feel bad for telling her the things I told her. But before he said it didn't matter what I told her because they were done and I didn't even tell her the BIG THINGS. I did tell her that he said they would be getting divorced in August. But I didn't tell her about his whole elaborate plan and why I have been patiently waiting. I didn't tell her about any of the times we had sex. I never showed her the note he wrote me ON HER BIRTHDAY, I never showed her the elaborate letter he wrote me 2 years ago. I never told her the things he says about the sex we have. There are a LOT LOT LOT of things I didn't tell her. YES, I told her some things. But she was convincing me that he was lying to me about a bunch of things. He told me "Of COURSE I am lying to her! I am lying to her about you so I can BE with you!" Which, of course, made me feel guilty. I am just so mentally exhausted over this whole situation. There's more to say, I just don't have the emotional energy to discuss anything else right now.....
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 He's lying to you both and honestly, probably doesn't know what the actual truth is these days, he just goes where the wind blows best for him. Don't let him blame you entirely for this. These are his consquences of his actions and he is handling it badly by hurting two women. Put yourself first, take a step back and let things be for a while. Be with your daughter, enjoy life. When was the last time you had a good laugh? Or had a fun conversation with a friend? Take a break from this. You need it. Sidenote- You're such a beautiful woman!!
frannie Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 He said "I know you are not the bad guy... but why don't you trust me? I had everything planned out, etc etc." Hmm well he's yelling at you and asking you why you don't trust him? This is a man who's lying to his wife, right? So he has every reason to expect you not to trust him. He should be proving himself trustworthy, and understanding that such trust won't come easily, not yelling at you because you didn't go along with whatever dodgy current scheme he has. Sorry if I'm way off the mark here, but I haven't read the ins and outs of your story, I'm just responding to what I've read on this thread.
torranceshipman Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I agree with Frannie...he should be working EXTRA hard in a situation like this - to win your trust and make you feel happy, respected and secure - he's hardly doing an of that...in fact he's having a go at you for not supporting his dodgy lies... ...and if thats a photo of you - I agree, you are very pretty....and you have a little girl, right? I bet she's very sweet (-: I bet there's SO many guys out there who would give their right arm to date you!!!!
Author IWALH Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 Well, I have put my complete trust in him. 100%. He told me not to talk to his wife again because it would only complicate things further, so I didn't. Even though I told her I would call her back, I didn't. I am trusting him entirely. Because I love him. I truly really do love him. Sometimes I think it's an addiction.... but it's not. That's just what EVERYONE AROUND ME is telling me. But it's love. I know it is. I really do. He told me that he is going to his house now (well, this was almost 2 hours ago) to tell her the truth. That he IS in love with me, he loves her but he isn't "in love" with her anymore and that if he stays with her he is going to be unhappy the rest of his life so he wants to be with me because that is what will make him happy. He said after all this is done and he is with me he isn't going to want to drink as much as he has been drinking. He said he has been drinking so much to mask the feelings that he has for me around her and everyone. He is going to call me after they are done talking and tell me everything they talked about. He said after he has this talk with her I can talk to her whenever I want. He said he won't admit to the multiple affairs he had in the past because he doesn't want to hurt her anymore than he already is, but he will tell her everything else. I really like her and what this is doing to her is HURTING me. But I love him too much to let go..... Thank you guys for your comments and insight. And thanks to those of you who gave me compliments, yes that is me, haha.
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 He told me that he is going to his house now (well, this was almost 2 hours ago) to tell her the truth. That he IS in love with me, he loves her but he isn't "in love" with her anymore and that if he stays with her he is going to be unhappy the rest of his life so he wants to be with me because that is what will make him happy. So hopefully tonight you'll know 100% for sure if he is leaving her and has told her the truth about you and him. Don't wait by the phone, go out for abit...
Author IWALH Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 So hopefully tonight you'll know 100% for sure if he is leaving her and has told her the truth about you and him. Don't wait by the phone, go out for abit... Yep, I sure will. He was very sincere and genuine in everything he was saying. If he doesn't call back tonight or I hear that he said otherwise to his wife.... then I guess he was NEVER sincere. I hope so much that he is, though.... I have been waiting on him for 8 months....well, I've basically been waiting for 2 1/2 years. He still hasn't called me back, though and it has been almost 3 hours. I am trying to stay calm and breathe... but, gosh, tonight is it. After tonight my life is going to either head in one direction or the complete opposite direction. I am ready and prepared to head either way.
Author IWALH Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 I'm done posting on these boards forever. Thank you for all of your help and advice I really, truly appreciate it all.
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I wish you wouldn't leave, or atleast stay until you get your post count up so we could do PM's....Like last time.... I take it, it's not good news? Anyway, I hope you don't leave, I know you're probably scared of OP's reactions, but don't be. Just ignore any rudeness or posts you don't like. Don't leave for that reason...
Author IWALH Posted June 26, 2007 Author Posted June 26, 2007 Not bad news. I've just already said too much on this stupid website. How many posts do I have to make until I get my count up enough to do pm's?
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