stillbits12 Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Hi, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months now. This is my first serious relationship, so it's been quite a learning experience for me. I went into it with a casual attitude. I met him 3 months before I was about to leave for Europe for 5 months. We had a great time together, but I didn't think it would really go anywhere. I figured he would lose interest, or I would lose interest, after being apart for 5 months. However, we stayed in touch and even grew closer while I was away. He even visited me in Europe for 2 weeks. Now I'm back in the US and living in the same city as him. Our relationship is more serious than ever before. We love each other very much. My own issue is that now that we have established such a serious relationship, things that bug me about him don't roll off my back as easily as they used to. And the more they bug me, the more I question our relationship. When we started dating, he would say certain things or do certain things that weren't exactly "deal-breakers", but I would think to myself, "Good thing this isn't serious or else I'd think twice about it." But now that we are so serious, I don't take them as lightly, and I confront him more often. We don't exactly have huge fights over them, but we'll have very heated discussions to try to clear our own names. We've had 2 huge fights and many little ones in between because of these topics that I can't let roll off my back as easily as before. And the reason they bug me so much is because I envision a future with him, but if there are these quirks about him that I can't stand, I have doubts about us. For example, he is pro-war and even almost joined the Marines a few years ago, but I am extremely anti-war and I would never be ok with my children joining the military. So, in this case, I started having doubts about us because I thought, "Well, if we have kids together, is he going to encourage them to join the Marines? Because I would not be ok with that." I confronted him about his pro-war stance, but not about my own doubts about us having kids together (because I thought that would probably be kind of freaky, not just for him, but for me too, to have that discussion). And at the end of our heated debate, he pretty much said that he wouldn't be ok with his kids joining the military either, but he is still pro-war. When he mentioned not letting his kids join the military, which is what I agreed with, I felt better, despite his continuing pro-war stance. It's just that lately I feel like I've been "picking" fights with him because of these kinds of little doubts about him and whether it would be appropriate to envision a real future with him. I love him and I don't want to break up with him, but I'm wondering if these doubts or uncertainties are normal in serious relationships? And will I ever get over them? But is it serious that I'm having these doubts at all? Thanks!
oavada Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 yikes, if hes pro-war and youre not that is a big problem...youll never respect him as a man and he'll never be able to be the type of man you want...it seems odd that youre interested in someone that is military, it just seems maybe youre lying to yourself about what you really feel about the military in general...its almost as if you really like military guys but dont want to admit it or something..if this is the way you really feel, you need a more liberal-minded intellectual type thats in to books and liberal politics, etc...youll always be at odds politically with him and it will never work..trust me.
Author stillbits12 Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 yikes, if hes pro-war and youre not that is a big problem...youll never respect him as a man and he'll never be able to be the type of man you want...it seems odd that youre interested in someone that is military, it just seems maybe youre lying to yourself about what you really feel about the military in general...its almost as if you really like military guys but dont want to admit it or something..if this is the way you really feel, you need a more liberal-minded intellectual type thats in to books and liberal politics, etc...youll always be at odds politically with him and it will never work..trust me. Well, he's not in the military though. He's going to be an attorney in September, so he definitely has an intellectual side. He grew up in a rough neighborhood, and a lot of his friends are in the military, so I can see why he is pro-war. I don't agree with him, but I can see where he's coming from. And we always have discussions about politics and society, and there are things that we don't agree on, but I don't see them as being the end of the world. It's just that sometimes I think in terms of long-range future, like in the case of pro-war stances, I wonder if those opinions will affect our future, like our children. But it was clear to me by the end of our conversation that we were on the same page regarding whether we wanted our children in the military. Is it naive of me to think that these differences are too insignificant in the grand scheme of our relationship to break up? We have a lot of interests in common, and we love each other very much. We both communicate openly and try to work out all of our problems. So, I mean, are political differences really that bad in a relationship?
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