Kable Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 There is something about my girlfriend of 4 months that concerns me. I've not confronted her about it yet but she used to talk dirty to quite a lot of guys on MSN. Even me when we first met before we were an item and I'm hoping it's stopped now but I know it's happened at least once since we've been together. She is very mature for her age but this obviously concerns me. I first noticed in her emails on her email account that there were a lot of sexual emails and naked pictures from other men in there (she often asks me to log onto her email for her to check it when she's not online) from before we met. She was also the type to send sexual pictures of herself to these men and did so with me before we'd even known each other for barely a week. This was something I just grinned and bared. I've seen her "My Received Files" there's plenty of naked pictures of other men that have been sent to her and one of these was from a month after we started going out. Once when I was also with her, a guy messaged her asking if she wanted to watch him masturbate on cam and asked her if she'd go on cam too but she just told him "I have a boyfriend now - I can't" but it makes me wonder if she would have if I wasn't there. He also asked her to send a video and not one he had seen before so obviously she's sent this guy videos of herself before and she went to send a file but never did. When I asked her what videos he meant, she said a Simpsons thing. I didn't believe her but never said anything. She is easy going about me seeing her messages on her phone and everything and she obviously trusts me with her passwords to accounts online so that does give me some sense of security but I don't know what she talks about with other guys on MSN when I'm not there. I'm her first boyfriend and think that's all she's ever wanted but I think she's tried being sexual with other men as a way of trying to get a boyfriend as she doesn't sound like a fan of one night stands or anything. In short, the only evidence I have that's making me insecure are the pictures she was sent one night from another guy when we were together and what her reaction would have been to that guy that asked her if she'd watch him masturbate on cam if I wasn't there. She says she'd never cheat on me and I'm almost certain she'd feel really bad if she did but this near enough is cheating if she still talks to other guys in a sexual manner on MSN. My last girlfriend cheated on me so I am pretty insecure as she is going away for 9 months in August. I want to confront her about this but don't know how without getting into an argument as she can be very easily upset. I don't want to break up with her because in every other aspect, she's everything I want from a girlfriend. How would you feel if this was your other half and how would you deal with it? I would like to ask her to delete the contacts I know she's spoken to sexually in the past but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not.
Enema Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Everyone has to draw their own lines in the sand with this type of thing. Me for instance, I don't care if my girl talks dirty over MSN with other guys or receives pictures of other guys. I don't even care if she sends pictures of herself to other guys. Where I draw the line is: 1) Showing her face 2) Giving away too many personal details about who she is 3) Meeting with these people in person 4) Giving out a personal contact phone number As long as none of those 1-4 are broken I'm fine with it. She doesn't do any of this type of thing tbh, so we've never had to talk about it... but that's where I would stand. The question is really what you're prepared to accept. Expecting her to change for you is asking too much. Let her know what would make you comfortable and if she can't do it just move on... you're only 4 months in so it's too early to waste time bickering over it.
Steveto Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I don't think she is a complete idiot...she MUST know what would happen if she lets you into her email. Just go up to her and ask her what's up and tell her that it kinda sketchy to have naked dudes in her email and other stuff.. What does she do for work? Maybe she gets money from these guys in exchange for scantily clad photos of her or doing those adult chats..I have a few friends that do that for extra cash..I really don't think she will argue if you confront her..just do it in a not so in your face way..make it funny...like..if she asks you to check her email again you say NO..uhuh..no way..you come home and check it yourself..she will ask why..and you say cuz last time I got some dudes twig and berries in my face and I'm still having nightmares!
oavada Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 shes playing all sorts of games...id proceed with extreme caution and never, ever question her about it or bring it up...the moment you start judging or probing in to her games is the moment she'll lose all respect for you...just act like you dont even care what she does...if you question her itll look like youre obsessed and she wins...just act like you dont care what she does.
Author Kable Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 She's a student/part time checkout girl. I very highly doubt she's doing it for cash. She does seem to have become a lot less sexual talking to her online since we've been together and she did turn on me one night and said "Is that all you want me for?" while we were talking about sex because that's all the guys she has actually been with have wanted her for so I know she values our relationship and I don't think she would actually cheat on me but I need to know what's what with her and the guys she speaks to on MSN because being a guy, I know all their after from her is a quick thrill to get off and don't actually value her for any sort of a friendship. I really don't want to kick her ass to the kerb over this because I can count how many girls I've known in the past on one hand that are as intelligent and mature as she is. It just seems like she's got the hormones of a teenager with the way she used to/may still do speak to guys on the net.
thepuppykicker Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Confront her and tell her to stop. It's not unreasonable at all. If my girlfriend has pictures of naked dudes on her computer I would be extremely scared. It's not right. Be careful, girls like this are ...tricky. If she is not going to stop, then I think you should think over the relationship. Sure this isn't cheating, but don't you feel kind of odd that some random guy asked her if she would like to watch him masturbate? One thing leads to another. Don't be blinded by love, ask your self, are you alright with this?
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