Skeletons in the closet/Lying... !

[H0ney]

I've been with my boyfriend for just about 7 months now. We're in our early 20's. From the first day I've been with my boyfriend everything has been like a dream. We're both extremely attracted to each other and get along amazingly most of the time. Don't get me wrong we've had our fights but we have great communication. We are like 2 peas in a pod For the first time in my life, I'm totally and completely in love.

 

With that said, at the beginning of our relationship I did something really really stupid. I lied!!!! And I'm nervous it will cause our first big, real fight...

 

Before we had even met, we were talking online and started asking each other questions back and forth... most of them about our sexual history. The questions got personal, such as, "have you ever had a 1 night stand" and "have you ever had a threesome?" I told him I had one 1 night stand and other than that only had sex with my boyfriends.

 

But, I lied about the # of people I slept with by about 3. I've actually had a couple 1 night stands. I had a very very drunken threesome with my friend and a guy(ew, I know). I was just so afraid, since we didn't even really know each other yet, that he wouldn't like me for some of the things I had done (which had happened so recently--the month before). And in my opinion, a persons past is no one else's business-- I realize NOW thats just what I should have told him instead of lying...

 

The thing is, right before i did all these terrible things.. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of about a year+. This guy was very very very very very controlling, emotionally abusive, etc. After we broke up I sort of went into "party girl mode"-- something I had never done before, after being so controlled, and I ended up fooling around with quite a few guys in just a short months time. I regret it all. I had always been the "good girl" and was never labeled a slut.

 

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS COMPLICATED-- My best friend, well she knows everything about me. And she knows all the things about me that I really do not want my boyfriend knowing. I thought I could trust her because we've been friends all our lives and never had a fight.

 

Well, guess what. We had a HUGE falling out. Go figure-- I never said anything mean to her or did anythign that would make her mad though... well, its a long story! Anyways, I'm about 99.5% sure she has told one of my BF's friends some of the dirty details about me. Why do I think this? Because my bf's friend called and left a voicemail saying "hey man, call me back you won't believe what i just found out about __ and __" (me and my friend)

 

However, my BF and this friend of his are not speaking at the moment. He thinks he left that voicemail just to get him to call back. Which, COULD be the case (if im lucky). But, I'm afraid once they start talking again, this friend of his is going to tell him all these horrible things about his girlfriend.

 

I know it's my fault. But I feel terrible because I would never lie to my boyfriend right now, we're so in love. I would never do anything to jeopordize our trust in our relationship... and it makes me SICK knowing my past could come back and haunt me. I've learned a lesson already and I just pray he doesn't find out. I seriously have been having bad dreams about it and loosing sleep about it at night.

 

I'm at a loss. Do I just tell the truth if he finds out? If I do, will this ruin my relationship forever? ahhhh

[H0ney]

I forgot to mention, during these multiple sexual encounters with guys I was always safe!! And I had my annual gyno appt. before me and my current boyfriend got together, and was tested for everything.

 

which is why i never said anything also...

[Phoebe]

Ok, this is just my opinion but it sounds like your boyfriend is about to find out. You can either lie to him when you're confronted and keep lying to him for the duration of your relationship. Or you can tell him the truth, but do it BEFORE he finds out and tell him the whole story.

[sb129]

If he really loves you, then he should accept that its in the past, and that what matters now is how you are with him.

 

Good for you for being safe.

 

My ex was a control freak, and had MAJOR issues with the fact that I have had a couple of one night stands.

As a result, my current BF and I haven't really discussed each others sexual history.

But this isn't to say I am keeping it secret, we talked about it, and agreed that we would leave the past where it belongs, and concentrate on the future.

 

If your BF is as lovely as he sounds, he may be a little shocked initially, but he should be OK.

 

Great ex friends the two of you have!

[norajane]

So what you're hiding from him is 3 one night stands?

 

That hardly seems like a big deal to me. Just tell him. Maybe he'll reveal some one night stands that he hid from you, too.