Casual sex with one guy not ready to commit and date others as well? What to do?

[brandie32]

This is starting from my last thread "1 day". So he came over at 7 we went to dinner, and came back to my home. We have been out 4-5 times and always have a great time together. We laugh and joke drink eat and have a all around great time.

Since the last time we slept together, 1 st time out together. He commented on how I had a great body, and enjoying the view. Not really a great compliment. But was good enough because we ended up back in my bed after dinner. And it was great!! But not being in a commited realtionship make me feel confused and a little bad in the morning. So after this time I figured that I was going to be honest with what was in my mind.

Said that I was not used to casual sex. However I do understand we have only been out a handful of times and it is to early to commit. But I believe honesty is important and to allow each other know were they are at so no feelings get hurt. He relpyied why didn't I bring this up at dinner, because he want to lay together and rest. However, does not no about casual and not really ready for commitment.

Am I wrong just to date him see other people and let things go naturally? I work 70-80 hours a week and bust my but to point of exhaustion, providing my self with a 6 figure income. Take care of my younger brother and have a lot of reponsibility, due to parents passing. Maybe I should just have fun? But I do want a serious relatioship and a family? Confused do not want to come off to him as a slut either.

I really appriciate everyones honesty. I think people in my life feel compelled to give me pitty and patts on my back to being honest.

[Tony T]

If you don't feel comfortable with something, don't do it. You sent a major message to this guy by having sex with him right off the bat. If that was something you don't like to live with, you shouldn't do it. Now he's used to sex with you without commitment. The only solution here is to either cut him off...or continue dating him and seeing other people.

 

But what do you do when you meet someone you really like who wants a committed relationship? Also, you really don't seem like a lady who wants to have sex with a lot of different guys which is what's going to happen if you start dating around.

 

Frankly, I think you are headed for a major broken heart with the guy you're seeing because you can think anything you want but it's not likely he'll wake up one day soon and want a commitment. But it's seems you already want one. That sort of thing is gonna get old fast.

[fray718]

I agree 100% with tony...I think if you can, try to wait for the guy to commit first before you sleep with him.

[norajane]

I found your post extremely confusing. Do you or don't you want to have a relationship with this guy? Do you or don't you want to have sex with him? Do you or don't you want to date other guys? Do you or don't you want a relationship that could lead to love and marriage? You've been out with him 4 or 5 times, but slept with him the first time? Or you've been out with him 4 or 5 times, slept with him the last time you were together, and then this most recent night you slept with him again and had the conversation about casual sex?

 

I'm not even sure I understood what you were asking.

 

Bottom line: have sex with someone only when you are ready and want to, whether that's the first time or months later. Generally, the rule is if you want a relationship with someone, it's best to wait to have sex until after you know that he wants a relationship with you and isn't in it just for the sex. Generally, the rule is if you have sex on the first date or shortly after meeting, then the relationship tends to revolve around sex more than around emotions for each other - you've gotten physically intimate long before you were anywhere near capable of developing emotional intimacy, and that physical intimacy tends to take over and overshadow the development of any emotional intimacy.

 

As to what you should do at this point, since you are not exclusive, feel free to date other people. If you want a relationship with him, talk to him again about his thoughts, but do it when you aren't naked. I'm not clear on what he said to you, or what his intentions are.

 

And since this is all so confusing for you, you might want to wait to have sex with people until you know what you want specifically from that guy - casual sex or a relationship.

[brandie32]

I believe you are right about waiting to have sex. And I am sure that next time I will be more aware of his intentions befor I sleep with anyone else. The only reason i thaught it was ok, is we had been out 4 times talked on the phone 2x's a day-for about 3 weeks. I also thaught things were going well, however in hind sight it was to soon. we had a couple of drinks and it felt really right. I was surprised when everything changed so drastically after. But I have learned.

My last boyfriend and I were together for 7 years and we slept together on the 3rd date. This baught us closer together and were basically together all the time from that point on.

I do however feel bad because this was the first guy since my ex that I really liked. But I guess I can not fix what I have done and he is just not a great communicator--with me at least.

Any ideas if this mess could be fixed? I am thinking best to walk away

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

NoraJane: As to what you should do at this point, since you are not exclusive, feel free to date other people. If you want a relationship with him, talk to him again about his thoughts, but do it when you aren't naked. I'm not clear on what he said to you, or what his intentions are.

 

I can take this advice too. I'm in a similar situation. I either have to end it or talk to him but the problem is, I can't get in touch with him. He hasn't called or replied to my last email. He replied to my last text but very short, so I dont want to keep "bugging" him.

 

I think it's best to cut your losses and move on. Give yourself some time and set your boundaries such as a time limit for no sex (I should take my own advice too). There are alot of great guys out there. Instead of racking up the numbers, make some new friends.

[D-Lish]

This is starting from my last thread "1 day". So he came over at 7 we went to dinner, and came back to my home. We have been out 4-5 times and always have a great time together. We laugh and joke drink eat and have a all around great time.

Since the last time we slept together, 1 st time out together. He commented on how I had a great body, and enjoying the view. Not really a great compliment. But was good enough because we ended up back in my bed after dinner. And it was great!! But not being in a commited realtionship make me feel confused and a little bad in the morning. So after this time I figured that I was going to be honest with what was in my mind.

Said that I was not used to casual sex. However I do understand we have only been out a handful of times and it is to early to commit. But I believe honesty is important and to allow each other know were they are at so no feelings get hurt. He relpyied why didn't I bring this up at dinner, because he want to lay together and rest. However, does not no about casual and not really ready for commitment.

Am I wrong just to date him see other people and let things go naturally? I work 70-80 hours a week and bust my but to point of exhaustion, providing my self with a 6 figure income. Take care of my younger brother and have a lot of reponsibility, due to parents passing. Maybe I should just have fun? But I do want a serious relatioship and a family? Confused do not want to come off to him as a slut either.

I really appriciate everyones honesty. I think people in my life feel compelled to give me pitty and patts on my back to being honest.

 

You're not doing anything wrong by having casual sex. Don't fall into that trap of antiquainted thinking.... that a girl who is comfortable with being sexual is a slut.

 

Just the fact that you question the casual sex shows there is a whole lot more to you than a romp in the hay.

 

Just be careful not to get attached- establish the ground rules.

You have every right to do that. When I have casual sex with someone- I do it with one person and one person only- and I ask for that same respect in return.

 

That's not a convo that is too soon to have.... it's probably a convo that is important to have. You deserve to know where you stand and so does he. You're having sex... so it's important to know certain things for health reasons.

 

If it feels good- and you are being safe- relax and enjoy.

Don't let anyone- including yourself make you feel like you are doing something bad or wrong.

 

D

[MoonPixie]

I have been looking through different threads on here.. and this just sounds like my situation. I am seeing this guy, who is not ready for commitment... and he wants to date others... so weird... I guess I am not the only one in this confused mess.. we agreed to only sleep with each other... but trusting is hard.. I know how you feel, if I knew the answer I would try to help you... but you either accept it or move on, and I know how hard it is to move on... he is the first guy that I liked since my ex as well.. so its really hard... may be we are seeing the same person... hmmm

[D-Lish]

I have been looking through different threads on here.. and this just sounds like my situation. I am seeing this guy, who is not ready for commitment... and he wants to date others... so weird... I guess I am not the only one in this confused mess.. we agreed to only sleep with each other... but trusting is hard.. I know how you feel, if I knew the answer I would try to help you... but you either accept it or move on, and I know how hard it is to move on... he is the first guy that I liked since my ex as well.. so its really hard... may be we are seeing the same person... hmmm

 

 

I can tell you from a woman's perspective, and my own personal experience.... it's very difficult to have casual sex. Attachment will always come into play at some point.

[lonelybird]

Men and women won't work that way, casual sex CANNOT bring real connection between man and woman.

 

Out of loneliness people try to find a way to connect with other, but without developing emotional and spiritual connection, which need time to nurture, the connection will not exist. Early stage physical body connection is a delusion of connection if without emotional and spiritual connect as the base.

 

People try to find a quick way to fix, but hurt themselves most of time. Men is seeking same thing as women. After quick fix, what do you find?