underpants Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Hmmmm, What to do, can I even do anything? Okay I have I guess two conteners. In corner no. 1 A young buff 10 year younger then me man. He is shy, reserved. And although I gave my number to a mutual friend to give to him, he did not give it to him. I am at a loss. Sucker punch. In corner no. 2 An older, yet very attractive, and yes also tall and buff (and hair), 10 year older man. Stable, communicative, and yes all my friends want me to love him. However, they all want me to break the ice and love the younger one too. They are probably both very good peeps, based on just that first good energy you get from someone. I really don't know either gentlemen at all well. I feel like a referee. Or as title would say, the Pit of the Pendulum. I would selfishly love to date both until I could come to know each indivually better. I would love some opinions. Help, Unders
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Unders, I agree with you about not dating them both. Is there a way to talk to both of them without flirting or giving off "I'm really interested" vibes? That way, you'll be able to get to know them better without flirting and giving signals of "maybe something more". After you know them more, you'll hopefully be able to choose one.
Author underpants Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 Of course, I can just be my great self. I am not gonna get crazy with either one. I guess I have more to think about then, hey you are cute let's kiss. Yes, I am way past that and so, to all the young ladies, take a cue, be smarter, it is apparently attractive in both age directions. I just guess, I have never been in this postion and my over cautious nature will probably cause me to lose both. I don't know if it is my analytical nature but I do know that the older fellow (smarter, maybe) has discovered that a younger cat might be intrigued by me. Now he is probably really attracted to me. I hate to say it but that pooh about being attracted to what might not be readily available might hold some water with him. Dating is a wonderful/terrible/frustrating game....Hopefully, for me I can keep up that pooh for long years with the right fellow. In a good way of course, but I leap ahead. I don't know, it all seems like a big game and I realize (at least this time) that I am the Queen Bee in this chess set up and find it all rather amusing. That being said, I am a kind and good hearted Queen. Well, most of the time. Gosh, Boxing then Chess. Obviously I need some strategy. Unders.
Nemo Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I don't know, it all seems like a big game and I realize (at least this time) that I am the Queen Bee in this chess set up and find it all rather amusing. It won't be so funny when you realize that you're stuck with a bunch of drones. I'd just choose the one with the sweetest honey.
Author underpants Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 No ...no Drones. I want a worker bee, as I know I am truly a by your side worker bee too. Boxing, to chess, now bee society. This might be turn out to Bee an interesting discussion afterall. I don't know. I guess if anything I will be flattered to be noticed by both ends of the spectrum. Regards, Unders
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I would personally pick option #2 if the chemistry is there. I can't imagine having any serious or intellectual discussions with option #1, especially since he's shy and reserved. There's no reason not to date more than one person except you have to be upfront about it so no one gets the wrong idea. I did it for a few months, had fun, both men were mature individuals who understood that it was only for fun. When I stopped accepting their invitations, no hard feelings were experienced and both doors were voluntarily left open by them. Of course I never slept with either of them so maybe that was part of it.
Nemo Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I guess if anything I will be flattered to be noticed by both ends of the spectrum. That is true. But sometimes you just want something that fits snugly. Your "problem" has a pretty exciting buzz about it. One right move and you could be screaming for more.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 So one is 10 years older than you, the other one is 10 years younger. Since the main point is which guy to choose - I'll be bold and pick one. Go for the older guy. The other one is 10 years younger - and for a woman, dating a guy who's 10 years younger spells "generation gap", to me. Just my thoughts. You could still develop a formal "talk" relationship with both, who knows how they each might turn out to be. You're probably right about the older guy getting an idea of the younger one circling your boundaries. How about making it understood to both that you just want to talk on a casual level, for now. You're not flirting and making either of them feel like you're also playing it with the other guy. Don't worry about losing one or both. If they like you, they'll probably stick around. I'm sure you'll be able keep them both tied in to casual conversation without flirting, for some time.
Nemo Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 When I stopped accepting their invitations, no hard feelings were experienced and both doors were voluntarily left open by them. Of course I never slept with either of them so maybe that was part of it. I never realized that anyone could be that bad at it. I mean, don't you just lie there and look pretty? You do understand that most people fake it to protect their ego, right?!
Nemo Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Go for the older guy. The other one is 10 years younger - and for a woman, dating a guy who's 10 years younger spells "generation gap", to me. Wrong. Women live, on average, about a decade longer than men. You'll rob them of a chance to die in their sleep together.
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I never realized that anyone could be that bad at it. I mean, don't you just lie there and look pretty? You do understand that most people fake it to protect their ego, right?! I have no idea what you're talking about but then I suspect you don't either.
Nemo Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I have no idea what you're talking about but then I suspect you don't either. Sorry, please let me explain. You see, it's like this... um, it's simple really... No, you're right. It's inexplicable. My pendulum seems to have stopped swinging, again.
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Sorry, please let me explain. You see, it's like this... um, it's simple really... No, you're right. It's inexplicable. My pendulum seems to have stopped swinging, again. Apparently someone clocked you...
Storyrider Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Unders, I think you should enjoy the attention a bit before you narrow it down to one. As TBF said, be upfront about it, but there is no need to be hasty.
Krytellan Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I would selfishly love to date both until I could come to know each indivually better. I would love some opinions. Help, Unders *post warning: newly broken up poster, take advice with caution* Look Unders. There are far too many variables in life to not look out for number one (that's you to you and me). If you are interested in them both, go out with them both. You know what's right and you know what your moral boundaries are. To choose arbitrarily makes no sense, when you can at least see what each has to offer. Too many times in life we make decisions without testing the goods out only to be turned on by the goods we chose anyway. Don't leave it to chance, leave it to what your sense tell you after you spend time with each one. Thats my vote
Reckless Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 What exactly is the problem with dating them both? I'm not talking sleeping with them both or doing this long term but a couple of safe dates with both seems reasonable - until a couple become exclusive then I think both are free to see other people. Go on a few dates with both and see how goes... men do this all the time and noone passes out from shock! R.
Author underpants Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 It is quite the situation. Of course I wouldn't sleep with either until I was sure about going to the next level. It is just a strange dilemma, as I have always been a one at a time girl, now faced with 2 great guys. Add the mix of mutual friends all gossiping, egging on both men and well, while fun, this could really blow up if I don't act with respect and intergrity all around. Neither guy is really putting himself out there to get to know me better, although I know they are attracted to me and want to. I did say that I was open to getting to know both of them better, but I guess they need to 'man up' and just ask me to go for a walk or something. I got 2 shy honeys', I am so money.
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Girlfriend, y'all need to flash your signal flags. Boys, I's available, ready and waiting.
halfarock Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 …Is there a way to talk to both of them without flirting or giving off "I'm really interested" vibes? That way, you'll be able to get to know them better without flirting and giving signals of "maybe something more"... Why would you not want to flirt or want them to know that you are interested? Especially since; Neither guy is really putting himself out there to get to know me better, although I know they are attracted to me and want to. Why would a guy, who is hesitant to begin with, try to get to know a woman who was going out of her way to hide the knowledge of her interest? Isn’t this whole dating thing about going back and forth. It’s not what one person does to another, but rather what they do together. Why not flirt and have fun with both men. What better way to decide which one you like better.
oavada Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 women dont do well with younger guys...women dont like to mother guys like guys like to daddy young girls..so, i think that for you an older man or someone the same age is better for you, unless you like babying and mothering a younger man...most women dont tho.
Author underpants Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 Well, I certainly have no intention of mothering anyone. Nor, do I want a father figure dude who thinks he knows best. Maturity is probably best achieved through life experiences, not by age. My last relationship was with someone close in age and he was/is very immature and disrespectful. I simply would like (one day) to find someone to build a partnership that has mutual respect and a best friend vibe, that and of course some awesome intimacy. If I don't find it, that is okay too. I am just trying to make the best choices possible and recognize and stop any destructive patterns I may have. I guess we shall see. Right now I am open to and hoping for at least one or two private dates with each fellow. Just so I can actually spend some time with them alone and just see if there is anything there. Regards, Unders
Storyrider Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 women dont do well with younger guys...women dont like to mother guys like guys like to daddy young girls..so, i think that for you an older man or someone the same age is better for you, unless you like babying and mothering a younger man...most women dont tho. I wouldn't over generalize. It depends on the individuals. Some younger men are very mature. And she could just have fun and meet some new people. It isn't like she is promising to marry one of them just by going out on a couple of dates.
oavada Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Well, I certainly have no intention of mothering anyone. Nor, do I want a father figure dude who thinks he knows best. 10 year difference is pretty big...im 33..if i dated a 23 year old i would be her Daddy without a doubt..so i think unless youre like 40-45, youre going to have a much more dominant role with someone younger and vice versa with the older guy..A ten year swing either way is pretty big..i used to date a 55 year old woman and it was hard getting over the fact that she was as old as my mother...there was this "seed" or condition in the relationship which assumed she was the older, wiser one.
Author underpants Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 10 year difference is pretty big...im 33..if i dated a 23 year old i would be her Daddy without a doubt..so i think unless youre like 40-45, youre going to have a much more dominant role with someone younger and vice versa with the older guy..A ten year swing either way is pretty big..i used to date a 55 year old woman and it was hard getting over the fact that she was as old as my mother...there was this "seed" or condition in the relationship which assumed she was the older, wiser one. You seem to have a bit of an age issue. In my situation I am 37, so that means the gentlemen I am considering are 27 and the other 47. All vital statistics are there. Just from that standpoint I can see good and bad points for both. Like I said the only way for me to know more, is to learn more. It is a little out of my comfort zone either way, but sometimes going out of a comfort zone is a good thing. Besides, my other option is to sit at home and wait for Mr. Perfect to knock on my door. I am curious though as to why you dated a much older woman since you seem to lean against the idea?
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