IWALH Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I swear.... this is all EXACTLY what happened 2 f*cking years ago. He didn't call me last night like he told me he would earlier in the day. So I called him early this afternoon and left a message for him. His W called me back on his phone and said "Are you ready to talk now?" So we talked some and she confronted him while she was on the phone with me, she asked him why he won't tell her he loves me and then she asked if he was planning on moving in with me when I moved up there... she said he looked like he had seen a ghost and then looked her in the eyes and said "yes." Shortly after that he left because he had to go DJ a wedding. He called me about 10 minutes after I hung up with her (after I left a message sobbing telling him that I was pretty much done again and I was going to tell W whatever she wanted to know) and said he told her pretty much everything except that he was in love with me because he didn't want to hurt her or something. Then he said he was going to come down and get me as soon as possible... then he said he would come down and get me tomorrow. Well, I talked to his W on and off all day for hours. Found out he has definitely lied to me about some things. Some things that were pretty serious. So I pretty much told her everything. Every time I told her something, though, I felt like I was betraying him. But what does it really matter at this point? He's been telling her that he just wants to keep me on the backburner in case things don't work out between the two of them. When I asked him about that, he denied it. I didn't tell her everything.... because I am still hopelessly f*cking devoted to him. I need some serious help and I don't know what to do. She got off the phone with me not too long ago because he was calling in. She said she would call me back. After I find out what he is saying to her, I will decide if I will tell her EVERYTHING. If he is still telling her he doesn't love me and he wants to work things out with her and I really am just something he wants on the backburner or anything of the sort, I will tell her every single thing she wants to know. In fact, I will direct her to this website so she can see all my posts that have pretty much told everything that has been going on since November. And then I will be f*cking done with him FOREVER, for REAL, this time. But if he tells her that he does love me and wants to be with me (though I HIGHLY doubt he will do that....) I will go up there and be with him. This is all just a bunch of crazy BULLSH*T. Stay tuned.....
norajane Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Wow, how much more do you need before you see him for the dumbass he is? WHY do you still want him knowing what a huge liar he is? Knowing what a weenie he is with both you and his wife? Why do you want a man like this in your life at all, with or without a wife?
Nemo Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 because I am still hopelessly f*cking devoted to him. Loyalty is far too uncommon a thing these days. At least you are holding your end up.
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I know you don't want to believe this, but he is lying and has been lying to you alot more than you think. He's lied to his wife so much too...This is the woman who is married to him and his children too - SO even THAT isn't/wasn't enough to make him stop lying. Don't fool yourself into believing him...........Separate your heart here, if you can. Take a giant step back and in a week when the dust settles, THINK hard about this situation. This messy and sad situation........Are you sure this is the man you want in your life? To be your H later in the future, (that is, IF he does leave her, and even if he does, that doesn't guarantee you that he'll stay with you forever, or even at all) to be a father to your child? You are devoted to him, but he isn't to you. He isn't even devoted to his wife! The ONLY person he's devoted to, is to HIMSELF! He's gonna lie and say more crap, to BOTH you and his wife to protect his own ass. Again, I doubt you'll want to see that, but this MM is NOT an honest, stand up guy! He's leading TWO women on! I hope BOTH you and his wife kick him to the curb.
justagirliegirl Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I'm not sure why you are letting him decide? Like others said, you may be devoted to him but he certainly isn't devoted to anyone but himself. How much more do you really need to see? He has such a poor track record. He cheated on his first wife and his second? Do you really believe he won't cheat on you? Instead of moving to him, I would move that many miles in the opposite direction and dump this zero.
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Your title of the thread: I swear.... this is all EXACTLY what happened 2 f*cking years ago. And during those two years, you were happier, healthy and without him...You were FINE. And, you WILL be FINE without him again. Sure, it may hurt, you'll be in some pain, short term...But you're strong and will get over it. You did before and you can do it again, one FINAL time. Please think about this. Now this just isn't about you anymore...You have a child's best interest to think about too.
Author IWALH Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 Everything got out of control last night. He is fighting so hard to stay with his W and he is DENYING that he is to me!!! He just told me (I talked to him for about 15 minutes just now) that he just needs to stay at that house until I get up there because he has nowhere to go until I am there. He is still denying to her that we were planning on moving in together. He told her I OFFERED him a place to stay. What a f*cking piece of work. He still hasn't admitted to her that he loves me and now I am doubting if he ever truly did or does. Though he kept reassuring me he does. F*ck that. Last night I went for a drive and I went nuts. I was literally wanting to DIE. I drove my car into a ditch and nearly killed someone else. That was kind of a wake up call. What the f*ck has he done to me? I was so happy before we started talking again in November. And since then everything has just slowly been going downhill and last night I hit rock bottom. He is STILL telling me he is going to come down and get me the first chance he gets. At this point I think I am going to have to go to a psychiatric hospital on an out patient basis (I would go in-patient, but I am still breastfeeding). I need to get over him. I truly don't even think this is love, what I feel for him. Maybe it was at one time, but at some point it turned into a sick, obsessive addiction. Well, I am going to be breaking myself from it this week. I don't deserve any of this. ANY OF IT. I deserve someone who is truthful, who really loves and cares about me, that treats me like their #1 and not just something to have on the backburner in case things don't work out with his wife. I am young and attractive. He is an old, alcoholic, manipulative LIAR. I am very close to the point where I don't want him in my life AT ALL because of how disgusting of a human being he is. I don't want my daughter to EVER know this man. I am so ASHAMED to call him her father. I need to find someone who WANTS to be her daddy and who will treat her (as well as me!) like a princess. So I am giving myself a week or so. Once I am over him and free from his disgusting tangled web, I will write them both one last email. I will tell her everything I didn't tell her before because of my INSANE loyalty to that man. And I will tell him NEVER to contact me in ANY F*CKING WAY again. EVER. And if he does contact me, the first time he does, I will get a restraining order. That guy has weaseled his way into my life and heart one too many times. After I am over him this time, I am done.
Curmudgeon Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 He still hasn't admitted to her that he loves me and now I am doubting if he ever truly did or does. Perhaps that's the most honest thing he's said, or not said, to her during the entire course of their so-called marriage. He doesn't love you or her. He loves himself and himself only.
OpenBook Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 IWALH, darling, you have simply put too many of your eggs into his basket. And he has broken them all. But you are young and strong and beautiful. You have many, many more chances to build your life the way you want it. He doesn't. He is preparing to enter the sunset of his life with a W whom he obviously isn't happy with. I almost feel sorry for the poor b*stard. Almost. You must learn to walk alone. Only then will you be prepared to have a healthy and happy relationship with a man who deserves you. Lean heavily on your girlfriends. They got me through my tough times while I was single-handedly raising my daughter. Know that you are a survivor. You WILL get through this. If I could do it, so can you.
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