Why does society think I have to get married? Or I am abnormal for being 30/single??

[doiask42much]

There was an episode of Sex and the City along these lines. They theorized that people just want to be able to classify you and don't like the ambiguity of singlehood. It really says more about them (the people asking you) than about you, I think. That and on some level they are probably jealous of your freedom and lack of grief, as you surmise. That and if other people get married, it validates their own life choices, getting people to join their club, as it were. This would suggest that they are not necessarily confident they did the right thing.

 

Although I'm not married, I am in a relationship and I find myself getting jealous of my single gfs all the time, mostly because they have the freedom to go out and slut it up, while I don't. I realize this is mostly a "grass is greener" outlook though, not truly what I want.

[smile95]

I guess it is common to want to be single when you are married and want to be married when single. One woman with 2 kids at the store looked at me one day at the deli and said. "What I wouldn't give to be you, young, hot, and not married"(I guess she assumed since i had no ring?) But, I looked at her and said, "What I wouldn't give to be married with kids". I guess no matter what, we always want something diff than we have.

 

I am so glad I posted. You all have made me seen that if I am ok with it, forget what other people think! Thanks!

 

Pray for me that one day I meet the right one!

[mental_traveller]

Although I'm not married, I am in a relationship and I find myself getting jealous of my single gfs all the time, mostly because they have the freedom to go out and slut it up, while I don't. I realize this is mostly a "grass is greener" outlook though, not truly what I want.

 

Hmm, I'm not so sure that is a "grass is greener" outlook. I've had that feeling a couple of times whilst in relationships that had "issues", and sure enough, they ended a while later. IMO, if you are genuinely happy in a relationship, you look at single people and think "You know, I'm glad I've met someone like this, it's better than being single!". If you keep thinking about the freedom & fun you are missing out on (I don't mean just thinking it after a bad argument once in a blue moon - but thinking that way regularly), chances are that your relationship just isn't doing it for you.

[doiask42much]

One woman with 2 kids at the store looked at me one day at the deli and said. "What I wouldn't give to be you, young, hot, and not married"(I guess she assumed since i had no ring?) But, I looked at her and said, "What I wouldn't give to be married with kids". I guess no matter what, we always want something diff than we have.

 

great anecdote! like something in a movie/tv show. see, you're hot! no reason to feel bad.

 

speaking of feeling bad, I was at an event recently seated next to a girl who was about 23? and married to her HS sweetheart. she asked when we were getting engaged and i just had no idea what to say. i hemmed and hawed and ultimately said i had no idea, and i didn't really know if that was what he wanted.

 

i kind of asked him why he thought she asked me that, and he said she assumed there would be a happy answer to the question because we have been together a long time. i guess the key is to try not to read into people's questions too much? maybe they are just making chitchat? hard to do, i know.

 

mental, you could be right. i don't really think it's him though, it's me. it's me wanting attention i can no longer have because i'm not single. it's me doubting that i am still appealing without getting the feedback i was accustomed to.

[doiask42much]

mental, i think i overstated it by saying "jealous of my gfs all the time." most of the time i am happy i'm not single; it's actually only one girl i tend to find myself being jealous of, and it's really stupid too, because she gets a lot of sexual attention but rarely anything genuine. goes through men like socks and seems to enjoy it and not be phased. i guess i am jealous of her lionness prowess or something. but she finally met someone whom she actually likes and wants to get serious with. so there's the end of my jealousy, i guess.

[LoveLace]

I'm 30 and I don't even have a date! You are definitely not abnormal. If you are happy, that's what matters. I am not happy because I've always wanted to be starting a family by now, but it remains out of my control at this point. I do not feel abnormal in society, even though a majority of those our age are well into the family thing; even though I know it's actually fairly "normal", it doesn't make me feel any better, since I long for it so much.

 

I consider myself a fairly happy-enough, confident person, but I also wish I could be one of those in my situation that doesn't care less. It sucks to feel the pressure of a timeline for something you hardly have control over, unless you turn to science and do it alone, which depresses me to think about!! In that case, maybe I would be happier without it at all.

[CaliGuy]

Ok, so I am 30. No kids and never married. I have had a few relationships with men that were not right for me. I have learned so much from them though. I am content alone, but society seems to think something is wrong with me. Why is everyone so concerned that I am still single? I only get scared of being alone when people ask me why I am still single! I am a cute gir, supporting myself, have a greeat family, and I am pretty happy. There is nothing wrong with me-I swear! I almost feel like if I were divorced with kids, I would be more accepted as "normal". I could get married if I wanted, but I bet I would be divorced if I wa snot happy to begin with!

 

Since when is waiting on the right person to come along a bad thing???

 

I see it all the time. Once you are dating, people want to know when you are getting married, once married, kids....

 

Isn't it better to be single than to be with someone and be unhappy??? Don't get me wrong, I want a family, but with the right one!

 

Is it that horrible to be 30 and unmarried???

 

Nope. I'm 38 and never married (close once though). I tend to agree with this quote:

 

"It's better to be single and lonely than married and miserable."

[smile95]

cali guy...if that is a pic of you, you shuold have to beat the women off with a bat! LOL

[smile95]

I have to say I agree with whoever said that if you are in a good relationship and are TRULY happy, you are not looking at single people with envy! i have gone thru a huge heartbreak over the last few yrs and I finally feel happy again, so maybe the right one will come along now that I am not so down!

[doiask42much]

Smile, in theory I agree, but being TRULY happy has to come from within, as CaliGuy will tell you.

 

(CG, you totally don't look 38! Never woulda guessed.)

 

I am not happy with myself (working on it), therefore I am never entirely happy with anyone else, no matter who I'm with. I'm up and down though; sometimes I am bursting with love for him and other times I feel everything in my life, including us, is not what I want it to be. In short, I am nuts, but hey, I know it.

 

Some days I think, thank god I'm not single and he's there for me no matter what; some days I think, I wish I were young and cute again with guys chasing me. I guess the key is that many more days are spent thinking the former rather than the latter. Maybe I am just bipolar!

[smile95]

I discover with every guy I date, I learn so much. I have had 3 seriuos relationships in my life. That is all. One was 5 yrs, one was 1 yr, and one was 5 yrs. I look back and wish I had known how happy I would be today if I had left. I stay waaaay too long holding onto crumbs. it is amazing how when you are in something, you cannot see how to get out. But looking back, I would cry daily over this guy who emotionally killed me. I hate that many people stay bcz they feel they cannot leave. But, I have been there and it just takes time. I FINALLY feel like me again after a long time and it is amazing!

 

I never thought I would say that!

[smile95]

doiask4toomuch-I think it is normal to have ups and downs. You must be mostly happy to stay right? All that matters is he finds you hot and cute! Don't worry about anyone else. You are not bipolar! You are human!

[doiask42much]

Smile, thanks!

 

We had a stage where I would cry daily because he had a lot of problems and I didn't have the strength to leave. Lucky for me, he got himself sorted out, otherwise I don't know what would have happened. Things are a total 180 now from how they used to be and yes, I am mostly happy.

 

And yes, he does find me hot and cute. Or at least he says so. Often. I like to think that's not all that matters though. Heh. (Kidding, I know what you meant.)