Why does society think I have to get married? Or I am abnormal for being 30/single??

[smile95]

Ok, so I am 30. No kids and never married. I have had a few relationships with men that were not right for me. I have learned so much from them though. I am content alone, but society seems to think something is wrong with me. Why is everyone so concerned that I am still single? I only get scared of being alone when people ask me why I am still single! I am a cute gir, supporting myself, have a greeat family, and I am pretty happy. There is nothing wrong with me-I swear! I almost feel like if I were divorced with kids, I would be more accepted as "normal". I could get married if I wanted, but I bet I would be divorced if I wa snot happy to begin with!

 

Since when is waiting on the right person to come along a bad thing???

 

I see it all the time. Once you are dating, people want to know when you are getting married, once married, kids....

 

Isn't it better to be single than to be with someone and be unhappy??? Don't get me wrong, I want a family, but with the right one!

 

Is it that horrible to be 30 and unmarried???

[alphamale]

Is it that horrible to be 30 and unmarried???

nope....but if you hit 40 and still are never married then a lot of red flags will go up. so you have a decade or so to find the right dude. shouldn't be too hard.

[smile95]

What if someone never finds the one to spend the rest of their lives with? Why do we have to? Red flags will pop up if I never find the right one? So basically, I have to settle for the wrong one if I am not married by 40 or I am a freak?

[oavada]

well, i think it's natural to get married in your mid twenties sometime...the more you wait the tougher it gets i think. Im 33, male, and i've never been married...i probably will never get married..I think i missed my shot when i was 25, 26, and i'll probably never get another chance..i feel nature has decided that i should not in any way procreate and i really dont know why because im genetically pretty well off..

 

I think if you feel like you still want to have kids and a marriage, and that youre capable of carrying out those responsibilities, then you should have absolutely nothing to worry about...the problem comes when youre like me- 33, alone, with no conceivable belief or confidence that youll ever marry and have kids...

[VirtualInsanity]

Since when is waiting on the right person to come along a bad thing???

 

Nothing. There's no set age or date when the right person comes along. Some ealier & some later.

 

Isn't it better to be single than to be with someone and be unhappy?

 

Yes.

 

Is it that horrible to be 30 and unmarried???

 

No & please don't settle because you feel you have too.

[smile95]

OAVADA-So you really do not desire it? Or just do not know where to go to meet the right one? Do people make comments to you about being single?

[smile95]

The part that is confusing is when people settle, usually, it does not work out and you end up single again with more baggage than you would have had beofer marrying.

 

It is like people feel bad for me for being single and I do not really feel bad for me.

 

Is 30 an age where I should be freaking out that I am not married yet?

[justagirliegirl]

I have a sister who is 50 and never married and I think she is the smartest one of all.

[Pyro]

The part that is confusing is when people settle, usually, it does not work out and you end up single again with more baggage than you would have had beofer marrying.

 

It is like people feel bad for me for being single and I do not really feel bad for me.

 

Is 30 an age where I should be freaking out that I am not married yet?

 

Tis better to be single then to be with someone that you had to settle for below what you wanted out of a spouse and not be happy.

 

Statistically speaking, most people do get married before they hit their 40's, so that is why some may think that you are weird for not being married by then, but I don't judge.

[oavada]

OAVADA-So you really do not desire it? Or just do not know where to go to meet the right one? Do people make comments to you about being single?

smile95, i do desire it sometimes but i always pull back because that type of commitment and responsibility im afraid of or something is logically telling me not to get involved with so much emotional burden.

 

People wonder all the time why im not married, especially at work, theyre always asking me why im not married...i really have no answer for them...i have no idea why im so abnormal, i just am and have been my whole life lol

[Lizzie60]

Ok, so I am 30. No kids and never married. I have had a few relationships with men that were not right for me. I have learned so much from them though. I am content alone, but society seems to think something is wrong with me. Why is everyone so concerned that I am still single? I only get scared of being alone when people ask me why I am still single! I am a cute gir, supporting myself, have a greeat family, and I am pretty happy. There is nothing wrong with me-I swear! I almost feel like if I were divorced with kids, I would be more accepted as "normal". I could get married if I wanted, but I bet I would be divorced if I wa snot happy to begin with!

 

Since when is waiting on the right person to come along a bad thing???

 

I see it all the time. Once you are dating, people want to know when you are getting married, once married, kids....

 

Isn't it better to be single than to be with someone and be unhappy??? Don't get me wrong, I want a family, but with the right one!

 

Is it that horrible to be 30 and unmarried???

 

Why is everyone so concerned that I am still single?

 

Who's everyone? Your great-great grandmother, your great-great aunt... LOL Come on.. we're in 2007 not 1900...

 

Women these days are independant, financially secured... smart... who needs a husband... really...

 

I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you... Not everyone is FOR marriage... I'm not... I'm 55 and never got married, and never will... I was in two long-term common-law relationship though...which IMO is the same.

 

Isn't it better to be single than to be with someone and be unhappy???

 

Waaaayyyy better, trust me on that one! LOL

 

You're only 30 for pete's sake... most women are 'building' their career at that age... no rush.. really. Enjoy being single to the MAX!

[corazoncito]

You're fine. In my opinion, no one should get married before 30.

[smile95]

Thanks for all the replies...I guess all that matters is what I feel is ok, but I admit, comments do get to me a lot.

 

Lizzie60...beleive it or not, it is my friends in their 30's, people at work who bitch about their husbands, etc. who are on my case about not beig married. My family is happy as long as I am. I do want to be married, I just am not settling just to say I am married. My friends say "I feel so bad, you are such a good person." I hate when they pity me!

[smile95]

oavada-you are not abnormal!!! LOL

 

So you never see other cpuples with kids and famles and desire that? Or wish you had someone to come home to?

[Enema]

Is this a case of you not really wanting to get married, or a case of you wanting to get married but not having found the right guy?

 

Yes you are abnormal, statistically. But abnormal doesn't mean wrong.

[sb129]

I am nearly 30 and have never been married, no kids either.

 

So if you are a wierdo then I am too!

 

I have met the man of my dreams, however, I met him the day after my 29th birthday and if I had met him any time before that I would have been too immature to appreciate him.

 

I don't think you need to put a time or age limit on marriage.

 

Lots of people end up single in their thirties and forties and fifties as a result of divorce, so being married before 30 isn't a guarantee you will STAY married.

 

Curmudgeon says his life and happiness didn't begin properly till he was 50, and he is on his 2nd marriage.

 

So everyone is different, and if you are happy, thats the main thing.

[Curmudgeon]

I don't think you need to put a time or age limit on marriage.

 

Curmudgeon says his life and happiness didn't begin properly till he was 50, and he is on his 2nd marriage.

 

So everyone is different, and if you are happy, thats the main thing.

 

If I could go back and do it again I'd have stayed single well into my 30s until I was well-established, more mature and settled. That would have been much more prefferable than marrying at 23, struggling for years and staying married to the ex twice as long (25 years) as I should have.

 

I wouldn't necessarily recommend waiting for 50 years but if it takes that long to find the right one, like I finally did, so be it. She was and remains well worth the wait.

 

What other people think is inconsequential and it's rude of them to ask. If I were asked that by a member of the opposite sex my first response would be, "Why, are you proposing?" If asked by the same gender I'd likely come back with, "And this matters to you and is your concern why?"

 

But that's just cantankerous old me! After all, I'm a curmudgeon!

[smile95]

Wanting to get married, but cannot find the right one and not willing to settle.

[azianpride143]

You are on the right path. You don't have to look for the right person. That person will come at the right time. Doesn't matter if your 30, 35, 40, 50, 60.

 

Marriage is a huge commitment that a lot of folks don't realize. They get in it and realize they are way in over their head. They ended up divorcing.

 

Just live your life the way you do. Enjoy it. Who know's that guy you've been waiting for may just be lurking around the corner.

[The Velvet Vixen]

oavada and smile95: It's nosy for the people you talked about to pry into your life like that, and extremely rude and arrogant for them to imply that they pity you, as if their decisions are superior to yours. Why do you give these people power over you to make you feel abnormal? You don't owe it to anyone to dissect and analyze yourself, because you're not a strange organism in a lab experiment; you're simply a person who decided you weren't ready to get married yet. Nothing more, nothing less. There's something wrong with them for lacking class, not with you for making a decision that you thought was best for you. It doesn't matter what other people think and say you should be doing, or what is normal for other people. What matters is what's normal for you. Marriage should be done only if and when you're ready, and with the person you feel is right for you. If you're not yet at that stage where you feel you can commit to a marriage, then you're doing the right thing by not getting married. Everyone has a different personality and different needs. Maybe someday you'll feel more comfortable with the concept of marriage if you meet someone with whom you're actually excited about spending your life. Also, oavada, it's a bad idea to keep repeating something negative to yourself about yourself, such as "I'm abnormal." That leads to low self-esteem.

[Outofluck]

I'm glad I came across this post as I, too am 33, single with no kids. I ended a three year relationship about six months ago for various reasons but I didn't realize that it would leave me in my thirties and single as I never really thought about it. I, too, get the question about not being married and it does get on my nerves. I actually thought about settling with the last girl but it would have been just that..settling. I just didn't have "that feeling" about her. I suppose that you will know when you have met that person. I am glad that you can be content with being single at 30..there is nothing wrong with that at all.

[Lizzie60]

Thanks for all the replies...I guess all that matters is what I feel is ok, but I admit, comments do get to me a lot.

 

Lizzie60...beleive it or not, it is my friends in their 30's, people at work who bitch about their husbands, etc. who are on my case about not beig married. My family is happy as long as I am. I do want to be married, I just am not settling just to say I am married. My friends say "I feel so bad, you are such a good person." I hate when they pity me!

 

Lizzie60...beleive it or not, it is my friends in their 30's, people at work who bitch about their husbands, etc.

 

These 'friends' or people at work... are jealous... they're bitching about their husbands... they envy your freedom...

 

Plain jealousy...never mind them...

[katiebour]

I'll be 28 in a few months, never married, no kids...

 

My b/f says he'd consider marriage after he finishes with college, 2 years down the line...

 

So I'll be at least 30 before I get married, assuming that everything works out as it has so far.

 

Don't stress it. Most of the people I know who stress about being married before 30 are doing so because they're afraid that if they (you) don't hit it before 30, that you never will. Like 30 is some magical number after which lies hopelessness, hehehe.

 

My b/f is 31, never married, no kids. He'll be 33 when he graduates, so we'll both be old by the time we're ready to tie the knot.

 

People stress about the numbers- think about all the "over the hill" gag gifts that you see for the big 30, and the big 40. Too much stock is put in these birthdays, if you ask me.

 

My very first b/f's parents were Chinese, and they got married "because it was time." They didn't love each other at all, just met and said "why not?" They had a miserable marriage- he turned out to be a very weird man, collecting newspapers until they stacked miles high, and she turned out to be very insecure and unhappy. Their marriage sucked and they finally divorced when my first b/f turned 19, when we were dating. It was a bad situation all around.

 

You wouldn't want to end up in that kind of marriage. Better to wait for the right one, or if they don't come along, be happily single! If you want kids you can always adopt or visit the sperm bank. There's no rule that you have to be married now or ever.

[mental_traveller]

Why don't you just say that you don't actually want to get married, unless you meet Mr Perfect? Put your foot down and tell them to stop going on about it. Or if you are feeling sharp-tongued, say "I'm not married because I don't want to end up like you!"

[smile95]

mentaltraveller! That is what I want to say to them!!! LOL

 

They ask why i am not married and I want to say, "well you make it sound so horrible from all your bitch session about your husband"! I have been thinking and all the people who say this must be jealous! They are the ones who are unhappy or div!

 

Thanks everyone! I am not asking for Mr perfect really, just someone I enjoy I suppoose and I can see myself with forever.