shuman Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 Hi. Im new here. Its good that there are boards like this for people to talk out there concerns, and hopefully get support. Here is my story... My fiance and I had been together for four years. We met over the internet, and due to my job relocating me to her home state, we began our relationship in June 2003. When my father died of cancer in Sept 03, my priorities were to move back home, which required me to leave a good paying position, which I was emotionally tired of anyway. She supported my decision, and offered to move herself and her son back with me. Rebuilding financially was difficult enough, when she was hospitalized with depression twice after moving back with me to my home state. She had left her friends and family, so had no support groups where we lived. Afterward, she developed female issues, and has had several surgeries during the last couple of years, most recently seeing an OBGYN cancer specialist to remove precancerous cells which were still around after her hysterectomy. Due to the combination of the depression, which she seemed to have mostly under control, and her female issues, she had not been working since we moved, and I was supporting the three of us on meager wages, but felt a responsibility. My mother was a huge help with helping us keep on top of bills, but I had my car repossessed last fall. Her mother, in an attempt to force her to return home, was withholding all help and support. Her mother has been verbally abusive and controlling, and when she took her only grandson 600 miles away for some guy, my gf was disowned. After seeing the toll this all had taken on my family and myself, I started to pull back and take care of myself, as I could see the relationship was on its last legs. She had betrayed my trust many times, including stealing money, etc. Things were not all perfect, and we came to a mutual decision to go our separate ways for a while, until we could both get things back together. We talked many times about the decision, and we were in a good place concerning the separation. She was moving back home and getting her old job back. She was looking forward to a camping trip with friends in July. In May I had taken a new apartment, and she still had a couple weeks until she moved. I had moved my furniture out on Saturday, and was returning Sunday to help clean, etc. When I called on Sunday, the police answered the phone and informed me that she had died earlier that day. I rushed there to see what had happened, but they could only tell me that her 11 yr. old son found her. They would not let me see her, as she had been deceased for long enough for changes to take place. I got to say my goodbyes when they brought her down in a zipper bag. Since her death, her friends and family want nothing to do with me. They wont speak to me. I guess they need someone to blame, and i'm the most likely person right now. Her mother is hurting, and not being a parent I cant imagine what its like to lose a child, even though she was a major pain to her daughter and our stress level the last couple years. Her friends really didnt contact her much, which bothered her alot. She had plans to make newer, better choices of friends upon her return home. They are projecting their guilt onto me, saying that I should have seen something, or done something more. My friends and family miss her spirit greatly, but are concerned about me. They feel that I went above and beyond everyday to take care of her during all this, but I cant help wonder if I could have done more. My brother said it is a good thing I wasnt there when she passed, as it may call into question my involvement. Someone up there was looking out for me. We still dont know her cause of death. I think its accidental overdose of one of her meds, as she would never have done anything intentional with her son finding her. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I try to remind myself that things were not always good, but we still loved each other very much. I miss talking to her, as we were best friends before this all happened. We dont know what her cancer would have become, and i'm glad she didnt have to suffer through that. I have heard that the pill cemo treatments are very devastating to your organs, so something is possible there as well. Thanks for letting me share. I hope this starts to get better. I dont want to fight with her friends anymore. She wouldnt want that either.
AriaIncognito Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 I don't really have much to offer, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss. I'm sorry that you and your family, and her family, now have to deal with this. Keep writing as you learn more, and vent away.
CaliGuy Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I'm really sorry for your loss and don't know what else to say.
frd150 Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I am very Sorry. It sounds like you have a good family. Lean on them for support.
Violet87 Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I'm deeply sorry for your loss. My condolences go out to you, your family and your fiance's family during this time of need. Continue to lean on your family and close friends during this period. My prayers are with you.
Author shuman Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 Thanks for your replies. Yes, I am fortunate to have the support systems that I do have. In some ways it doesnt matter, though, since they dont fully understand how much I miss her. Our private times together. Small things that she did, that now spring to mind, and I get a smile on my face. Sometimes they bring tears, but its getting better. The hard thing for me to swallow, is how her friends are acting. Her mother, for some reason, I dont blame. I havent found out a cause of death, although I'm sure they know more than I do. Its kinda like she vanished into thin air. She was there one day, gone the next. I didnt get to see the body, or attend the ceremonies, due to the wishes of her family, so I dont have much closure. Not sure what I can do about that. In some ways the outcome is the same, as we were separating anyways, but we were such good friends, I miss hearing her voice. Thanks again.
little_girl Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 :(so sorry for you....i to experience the loss of family & friends with the deaths i have experienced in my life.....it's not fun.....but somehow i learn to deal with them.....& manage to go on.....losing someone we love is so hard.....no goodbyes no explanation for why others act the way they do.....just remember what you shared & how much you cared.....i will miss my special friends in my life forever.....i will never get over it but i will learn to get through it somehow.....i just try to live like they would want me to do.....not that i always do but i try.....hang in there....& breathe....lol
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