oavada Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 Because i'm uncomfortable with my body. I find physical contact kind of gross..ive never really been comfortable or happy with parts of my body...even as a kid...as i age, im 33 male, ive become increasingly more disgusted with my body to the point i dont even pursue friendships because i dont like interacting with people..i guess im just a deeply religious minded man who doesnt feel comfortable with the phsyical body... there was a point in my life, 23-27 where i felt comfortable and happy with sex, but i cant imagine myself ever being comfortable being nude and having sex face to face with a woman again...thats kind of sad to me because i really do want and enjoy sex and relationships...its like im an old man at 33 lol..anyone else think this way or is it just my weird self?
Curmudgeon Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 Because i'm uncomfortable with my body. I find physical contact kind of gross..ive never really been comfortable or happy with parts of my body...even as a kid...as i age, im 33 male, ive become increasingly more disgusted with my body to the point i dont even pursue friendships because i dont like interacting with people..i guess im just a deeply religious minded man who doesnt feel comfortable with the phsyical body... there was a point in my life, 23-27 where i felt comfortable and happy with sex, but i cant imagine myself ever being comfortable being nude and having sex face to face with a woman again...thats kind of sad to me because i really do want and enjoy sex and relationships...its like im an old man at 33 lol..anyone else think this way or is it just my weird self? Have you considered and/or sought therapy? I'd highly recommend it.
IpAncA Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 No I don't think your werid but I do think you have a self-esteem problem with your body. Would this still be an issue if you liked your body? But yes I'd try therapy.
Steveto Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 You'd be surprised at how many people aren't happy about something ...especially their body..I'd love to change a few things physically, but you know..I am not going to obsess about it.. Shake what your mama gave you! I just make it a point that if I were ever to stroll in the nude in a public place...it had better NOT be cold weather or near cold water..
alphamale Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 there was a point in my life, 23-27 where i felt comfortable and happy with sex, but i cant imagine myself ever being comfortable being nude and having sex face to face with a woman again... did you gain a lot of weight recently? or was there any other drastic change in your physicial appearance?
Author oavada Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 did you gain a lot of weight recently? or was there any other drastic change in your physicial appearance? no, not at all...The only thing i can say is there is a greater awareness or self-consciousness now that i didnt have then..its like im more aware of my feelings than i was, and it makes it harder confronting them or sharing them with others...i suppose im withdrawing from the world with no real hope of ever returning lol
Author oavada Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 did you gain a lot of weight recently? or was there any other drastic change in your physicial appearance? no, not at all...The only thing i can say is there is a greater awareness or self-consciousness now that i didnt have then..its like im more aware of my feelings than i was, and it makes it harder confronting them or sharing them with others...i suppose im withdrawing from the world with no real hope of ever returning lol I try to get back out in to the world but im just so repulsed by it sometimes..theres an anxiety or an aversion that never used to be there and i dont really know why...it feels like im lit up inside, that every emotion and thought i have is there for everyone to see, like im completely mentally naked before everyone....it never used to be like that..when i had thoughts they were my own, now its like i have some type of universal consciousness that scares the hell out of me lol
alphamale Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 no, not at all...The only thing i can say is there is a greater awareness or self-consciousness now that i didnt have then..its like im more aware of my feelings than i was, and it makes it harder confronting them or sharing them with others...i suppose im withdrawing from the world with no real hope of ever returning lol I try to get back out in to the world but im just so repulsed by it sometimes..theres an anxiety or an aversion that never used to be there and i dont really know why...it feels like im lit up inside, that every emotion and thought i have is there for everyone to see, like im completely mentally naked before everyone....it never used to be like that..when i had thoughts they were my own, now its like i have some type of universal consciousness that scares the hell out of me lol in that case then you need to see a physician....maybe a psychiatrist.
Author oavada Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 in that case then you need to see a physician....maybe a psychiatrist.perhaps so...maybe its a serotonin thing..thats what im consistently being told by people...im having a lot of symptoms that might be interpreted as "religious" and some of them not all bad..so im hesitant to claim losing my connection with society is a necessarily "bad" thing...i think their is a bias and a demand in the west that we absolutely must be social, secular humanists.
Zona76 Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 I also want to ask you to seek a therapist. Not to say what you're going through is not the norm. We all have this feeling from time to time. It's most common in adolescence. Our bodies are changing and our brain cannot keep up nor climb to access the situation. You are not able to move forward. Possibly because of some guilt underlining what your visual self sees. The knowledge knowing you're not alone can help you some. But you need help to find what is blocking the cross over to acceptance.
Author oavada Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 You'd be surprised at how many people aren't happy about something ...especially their body..I'd love to change a few things physically, but you know..I am not going to obsess about it..right, thats good i guess....my main problem is my teeth, theyre probably not as bad as i think they are, but theyre sort of a bit crooked in some spots..i dont like them...and i admit i do sort of obsess about them altho i try not to lol
Author oavada Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 You are not able to move forward. Possibly because of some guilt underlining what your visual self sees.thats exactly right i think...i hit a block because for whatever reason i started to perceive my teeth as less than ideal and i became ashamed and felt i wasnt adequate to fit in or grow with any company or group..i spent i think 12 years as a child getting them straightened and still theyre not straight...so, it's hard for me to smile and be natural with that area of my body and im pretty shy around people and withdrawn because of it..it has evolved in to my own personal hell now...a prison where i cant relax and laugh...if you spend years upon years with orthodontics as i did, you become totally and completely self-conscious about your smile and that area of your body, because the society is basically signalling you that the way you look like isn't very good or ideal. what can you do? A life ruined because of bad teeth haha.
LoveLace Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 Your being hard on yourself. Think about those "parts" that you don't like--are they modifiable? Anything you can fix by going to the gym, gaining weight, losing weight? If there is a way to change it so that it would make you happier (long as you do it safely) then you should tackle the things that will make it happen. We are all self-concious to some extent, but you sound very down on yourself. On the same token, I can relate to feeling totally uncomfortable in my own skin, but only sometimes. I also have to agree that therapy might be best place for you to start.
LoveLace Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Sorry OP I just read your last post...I feel bad for you that you feel this way. If it makes you feel any better, I've dated several men who didn't have all straight teeth, but it didn't really bother me; have you talked to any close friends about this?
Author oavada Posted June 24, 2007 Author Posted June 24, 2007 Your being hard on yourself. Think about those "parts" that you don't like--are they modifiable? Anything you can fix by going to the gym, gaining weight, losing weight? If there is a way to change it so that it would make you happier (long as you do it safely) then you should tackle the things that will make it happen. We are all self-concious to some extent, but you sound very down on yourself. On the same token, I can relate to feeling totally uncomfortable in my own skin, but only sometimes. I also have to agree that therapy might be best place for you to start. I try not to think about it too much or be hard on myself about it i just like to appear decent looking for other people so that i am a strong member of the team and dont give a negative impact or represent people negatively..so its sort of frustrating not having perfect features for that and really has limited my success in life... ive adjusted to it as best i can...think about it, you go to meet someone on a business meeting or a date and you cant smile or if you do you flash them this crooked awkward smile...it just creates a bad first impression....im planning on getting it fixed but at 33 ive already suffered a lot of damage from this simple, stupid thing that it drives me nuts lol Im a decent looking guy too, tall, somewhat handsome, and probably could have been very socially successful in life but for this one defect lol drives me nuts.
knaveman Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Our "faults" are also what make us unique. You should never be ashamed of who or what you are, God made you this way on purpose. I started losing my hair when I was fifteen! It took me some time but I finally realized that the only reason I had a problem with it was because others kept pointing it out. Eventually I figured out that I don't actually care about it, everyone else does. Screw 'em. Own your difference and love it, because as long as you hate it everyone else will too. Just my two cents. Too sense?
serial muse Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I try not to think about it too much or be hard on myself about it i just like to appear decent looking for other people so that i am a strong member of the team and dont give a negative impact or represent people negatively..so its sort of frustrating not having perfect features for that and really has limited my success in life... ive adjusted to it as best i can...think about it, you go to meet someone on a business meeting or a date and you cant smile or if you do you flash them this crooked awkward smile...it just creates a bad first impression....im planning on getting it fixed but at 33 ive already suffered a lot of damage from this simple, stupid thing that it drives me nuts lol Im a decent looking guy too, tall, somewhat handsome, and probably could have been very socially successful in life but for this one defect lol drives me nuts. I posted this on your other thread, too - read up on OCD. This aversion to physical contact, the obsession hinted at in the above posts, the way you torture yourself with wanting to achieve perfection...there's a pathology buried there that you can learn to deal with, with some help. Give it some thought.
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Some good advice s_m. In order to respect others, you need to like and respect yourself.
Author oavada Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 I posted this on your other thread, too - read up on OCD. This aversion to physical contact, the obsession hinted at in the above posts, the way you torture yourself with wanting to achieve perfection...there's a pathology buried there that you can learn to deal with, with some help. Give it some thought.Ive been to therapy i know its an issue. But you know what, its a western perspective...i know high ranking Indian swamis and other yogis who actually recommend ending all types of human contact because it is gross...and i can point you to those quotes, too... in the west, they want us all to be secular humanists, and everything they say and do is geared to make us that...but Buddhism presents a different perspective, as if to say, the repulsion for physical contact is a natural part of wanting to achieve a state of spiritual purity...so, im not necessarily ready to jump on the medication bandwagon like i have some sort of disorder... In other words, im not willing to be made into a secular humanist like most of these people are...im religious minded too. And despite what you may believe, Buddhism is not even close to the secular humanism that you may believe it is..its a liberation ontology, not a secular humanitarianism.
mental_traveller Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Why do you think that you need to be comfortable with your body to be able to enjoy dating or being in a relationship? Your belief seems like a bit of a non-sequitur. There are plenty of people who are not comfortable with their body, yet date, have sex etc. Also, consider that dating and having sex regularly in a good relationship might make you more comfortable with your body and thus solve the problem. Just like learning to swim reduces the fear of water.
Art_Critic Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 you assume i dont respect myself....you know what tbf, i think youre a brainwashed coward that doesnt think for herself and lets society tell you what to think...the "you must love yourself to love others" is some crackpot oprah winfrey psychology...your opinion means nothing to me...your thoughts are very conforming and i cant deal with that..you dont know how to think for yourself..you let social norm think for you...youre weak.. that is a pretty harsh post just because she posted that you must respect yourself to respect others.. Did she strike a certain chord with you ?.. If she did maybe some introspection would be in order..
Art_Critic Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I think for myself...and some of the things i believe arent popular like in the other thread...and i get attacked for that...i dont base my beliefs on popular sentiment...i base them on their own logic. Not everything can be reasoned down to a level of logic only... Somethings are just a crap shoot.. You have to go with your gut at times and believe in yourself rather than the logic of it all...
jcster Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 you assume i dont respect myself....you know what tbf, i think youre a brainwashed coward that doesnt think for herself and lets society tell you what to think...the "you must love yourself to love others" is some crackpot oprah winfrey psychology...your opinion means nothing to me...your thoughts are very conforming and i cant deal with that..you dont know how to think for yourself..you let social norm think for you...youre weak.. ...and I think you're a raving nutjob.
underpants Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 Oavada, I am hesitant to even respond to you. You definately have a wall. Some of your opinions which you are very much entitled to have, are (and you know that they are) at the very least ...off putting to others. You study Zen and Buddism. Wouldn't those beautiful teachings tell you to look within and discover the beauty within? To find an inner peace? I find it contradictory then the stuggle/conflict you possess between inner beauty and outer beauty. Perhaps your next journey should entail seeking a way to combine those two things so that your outward appearance is enhanced (not reduced) by what you think and feel inwards. BTW, are you a Scorpio? Regards, Unders
doiask42much Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I read your other post about wanting to know what people look like and how attractive people are more valuable as a whole. Strange that you hold such high standards for others when you are, by your own admission, grossed out by your own body and teeth. Or perhaps not. What is your cultural background? You commented on liking Asian women but finding Western women domineering, overly educated, and masculinized.
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