avellana Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 i broke things off with someone last week. i asked him not to contact me, but he continues to txt msg. i have not responded. initially i thought he was immature. I realized with time that he's obsessive. my attempts to make a clean break in the past have been difficult and that is why i agreed to be friends. he actually is a very nice person, he's just obsessive and overwhelming. when we broke up, i gave him the name of a counselor and tried to explain to him why a relationship with him is so difficult, but he would not schedule and appointment. when officially has he crossed the no contact line? is a couple of txt msgs after a break up normal? any advice?
Touche Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 No, I don't think a couple of text messages is stalking. If you ignore them, he'll stop since they'll be no payoff. If you respond in ANY way, you'll be rewarding him with your attention and he'll have no reason to stop and to go away. So just ignore the messages. Can you block them? (Sorry, I've never texted so I have no idea how they work.)
Author avellana Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 what do you mean by payoff? i would agree with you under normal circumstances but we are talking about someone that can't turn their brain off. i couldn't figure out why he acted like he's drowning when i've tried to break things off. when i realized what was happening i tried to slowly distance myself and tried to get him to a counselor. he continued to overwhelm me so i asked him not to contact me, which he has ignored as well.
Touche Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 What do I mean by payoff? That he's getting rewarded every time you respond. I'll give you an example. Say you're playing a slot machine. If the slot machine didn't pay off something every now and then, you wouldn't continue playing would you? You keep playing because you know that you're going to get a pay off at some point. If the machine NEVER paid out, you'd give up that much sooner, wouldn't you? Same thing. So stop responding and he'll stop trying.
Author avellana Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 ok. but i haven't responded. & i was really clear that i didn't want to be contacted. it was a peace of mind post. i've closed all the avenues where i can be contacted and i guess if he shows up on my doorstep i'll call the police. gotta work on that radar.
Touche Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 Ok, well continue to not respond. I mean he really doesn't sound like a stalker. He'll give up soon enough. And if he shows up at your door, don't answer it.
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