Author outofdarkness Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 for all of your replies..They have been very insightful and helpful to me. I'll check back in tomorrow...Thanks again and keep um comin!!!
Author outofdarkness Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 My xMM uses a prepaid calling card. He dials to 1-800 number and most calling card companies usually have the local access number also. Check out www.nobelcom.com. You may find some useful information there. Hmmm..interesting. I HAD thought of calling cards, but I was unsure as to exactly how they show up on the statement..Thanks for the link and tip...
Author outofdarkness Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 OOD - interesting thread, my guess would have been that it is a teleconfrencing # especially given since your H is in upper management they tend to use those 1-800#s for confrence calls. As to the 1minute calls not sure what that would be, was that after work hours? Again my boss is upper management and whenever we are at confrences or offsite meetings with the team he can get calls on his cellphone at any give time and usually it is his counterparts in other parts of the country...and this could happen at any given time. Not to alarm you but I hear that there is a BB (blackberry) feature where by you can only communicate BB to BB with no other traces to be found in email, so while the keylogger might be a good idea if he has a BB he could be communicating on that directly...I am not certain of this. It appears today's technology gets further processed in order to facilitate "sneaking" around more and more. It's quite gross really... I got a call from my ex from a weird 000-.... number so if someone uses a calling card the number on the calling card will appear instead of the actual number the person is calling from? I did not know this...I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what the heck that number was!?!? TK..Thanks for the thoughts and the BB tip..Didn't know that...It was very helpeful...
FavoriteHeadache Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 Hey Ya'll, I have a question regarding how exactly OW and MM communicate. Is it common to communicate via work numbers as well as 1-800 numbers? I see many of these on my H's cell bill and was wondering if this is a way for OW and MM to communicate without the W knowing. I realize that many A's begin and continue in the workplace, so this would certainly make sense if an A is w/ a co worker, but what about the 800 #'s? Also, could you all please tell me what exactly it may mean if there are numerous 1 minute calls in succession on the cell bill? I can see that many of the calls are to the same location/branch office, and many took place on weekends. My H is not a physician or an attorney or anything else for that matter that would require that he place or receive work phone calls either on the weekend or at night..There are also some calls that were made and received at night after business hours. My H is in the financial industry, and most of his business takes place during market hours, which most of you know are between 8-4 pm.. Do any of you use some sort of "code" such as calling MM's cell and then hanging up mabey w/ a distinctive ring as a signal for the MM to call back? Is this some sort of page? I have made notes for the past couple of months of the calls that he has made to and received from family members during these off hours, and in comparing my notes to the cell bill, I just see too many calls. I also have an unrelated question. Would any of you get angry if MM's W posted pictures of he and his W and children on the web? My H became angry and defensive and asked me to remove the pictures w/ him in them. I know this sounds like a dumb question, but I am really interested in your perspective on this as OW's...My guess is that he has lied to OW and doesn't want to anger them/her? As usual, all replies are welcome as long as they can be kept reasonably on topic, respectful and kind..Thanks for reading this thread and thanks in advance for your replies...OOD:confused: Anything is possible. Why not confront him head on? Anyone could do anything on the phones. The toll free numbers mean nothing necessarily as all business people get HOUNDED BIGTIME by sales people but the one minute stuff could very well be some sort of thing. I would think that if he's having an affair they probably communicate via email a lot. Is he gone from home at strange times? Look for odd changes in his schedule.
scaredinlove Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 We call from work, we used to use the cell but now that she caught him because of the cell we avoid it. We used to use 1800 from work but that leaves trace too so we stop. We have a separated e-mail adress for us but we rarelly use it. Mostly we have set updates to meet and times to call, to make it easier. Once he call me from a pay phone .He might also call me from his car dealer of from some other crazy place he happens to be . Mostly from work because she cannot trace it.
Suede O'Nim Posted June 27, 2007 Posted June 27, 2007 When we were active I'd call her on a pay phone since I knew her schedule and could call her when her husband was away. Since she and my wife are friends I also could call her from my wife's cell phone. I'd call her from my cell phone, too, but only occassionally as I didn't have a good reason for her number to show up on the phone bill. After a while, though, I noticed that my wife didn't really pay attention to the numbers that were showing up on the bill and I just used my cell phone to hers. Since she works with my wife in my house I also looked for opportunities to talk to her when my wife was in another room or out of the house. My first surreptitious call was by pay phone, though.
Author outofdarkness Posted June 28, 2007 Author Posted June 28, 2007 Anything is possible. Why not confront him head on? Anyone could do anything on the phones. The toll free numbers mean nothing necessarily as all business people get HOUNDED BIGTIME by sales people but the one minute stuff could very well be some sort of thing. I would think that if he's having an affair they probably communicate via email a lot. Is he gone from home at strange times? Look for odd changes in his schedule. I have explained his "schedule" in another thread..He DID spend hours on end at a certain very popular coffee house and at a local dog park..I brought it up in a moment of anger, and now, he does not go any longer. So, as far as the question of "is he gone at odd times"...I really can't tell anymore! D day has come and gone...three years ago almost to the day...His patterns have totally changed simply b/c he knows that I know now. I was totally trusting up until then...As far as e mail..I only have access to one e mail account..The other is work, and he will NEVER give me access. I can ask to see it at random times, but I'd really rather not deal w/ him getting defensive and sarcastic..Like, well, I'd think you'd be past that by now...Thanks for the post..
Author outofdarkness Posted June 28, 2007 Author Posted June 28, 2007 We call from work, we used to use the cell but now that she caught him because of the cell we avoid it. We used to use 1800 from work but that leaves trace too so we stop. We have a separated e-mail adress for us but we rarelly use it. Mostly we have set updates to meet and times to call, to make it easier. Once he call me from a pay phone .He might also call me from his car dealer of from some other crazy place he happens to be . Mostly from work because she cannot trace it. Thanks for the input..
Author outofdarkness Posted June 28, 2007 Author Posted June 28, 2007 When we were active I'd call her on a pay phone since I knew her schedule and could call her when her husband was away. Since she and my wife are friends I also could call her from my wife's cell phone. I'd call her from my cell phone' date=' too, but only occassionally as I didn't have a good reason for her number to show up on the phone bill. After a while, though, I noticed that my wife didn't really pay attention to the numbers that were showing up on the bill and I just used my cell phone to hers. Since she works with my wife in my house I also looked for opportunities to talk to her when my wife was in another room or out of the house. My first surreptitious call was by pay phone, though.[/quote'] Thanks to you too for your input...Interesting....
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 When we were active I'd call her on a pay phone since I knew her schedule and could call her when her husband was away. Since she and my wife are friends I also could call her from my wife's cell phone. I'd call her from my cell phone' date=' too, but only occassionally as I didn't have a good reason for her number to show up on the phone bill. After a while, though, I noticed that my wife didn't really pay attention to the numbers that were showing up on the bill and I just used my cell phone to hers. Since she works with my wife in my house I also looked for opportunities to talk to her when my wife was in another room or out of the house. My first surreptitious call was by pay phone, though.[/quote'] Just... WOW! Your wife is going to freak on both of you if she ever finds out! God, I wouldn't want to be in the same state.
Cliche Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 ODD, have you tried calling the 800 numbers? The thing about asking about how OW/MM communicate is that, despite the similarities, these relationships are different because of the different people in them and the different motivating factors. I had a friend whose husband cheated on her. She found out about it and they tried to reconcile for awhile. She began noticing 800 numbers on her h's cell, she called them, and they were sex chat lines. That led to a lot more very unpleasant discoveries which eventually led to her divorce which eventually led to her current state of happiness and peace. But, anyway, if you truly don't trust your husband, go ahead and call the numbers and see what they are. Frankly, I think you're entitled and I don't think that makes you a bad person in any way. I do wish the best for you, you know. You sound like an awfully sweet woman.
Author outofdarkness Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 ODD, have you tried calling the 800 numbers? The thing about asking about how OW/MM communicate is that, despite the similarities, these relationships are different because of the different people in them and the different motivating factors. I had a friend whose husband cheated on her. She found out about it and they tried to reconcile for awhile. She began noticing 800 numbers on her h's cell, she called them, and they were sex chat lines. That led to a lot more very unpleasant discoveries which eventually led to her divorce which eventually led to her current state of happiness and peace. But, anyway, if you truly don't trust your husband, go ahead and call the numbers and see what they are. Frankly, I think you're entitled and I don't think that makes you a bad person in any way. I do wish the best for you, you know. You sound like an awfully sweet woman. Yes, some I have tried and they are work #'s...toll free..Haven't tried them ALL...Don't understand why he uses these sometimes and reg. #'s sometime too? I don't call every single # anymore. It's exhausting, and like he told me at one time some months ago when he was sick of my being suspicious and asking questions and snooping; "Look, if I'm going to cheat, I'm going to anyway, there is nothing anyone can do to stop me". In other words, it's up to him...No amount of snooping, chastising, anger, etc., will stop someone if they are determined to cheat...Especially given the tech of today's world...It did make sense, but it sure did make me feel helpless and hurt to hear it...
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 "Look, if I'm going to cheat, I'm going to anyway, there is nothing anyone can do to stop me". What a b@stard! So, maybe you just need to stop. Seriously take a giant step back and just focus on you and the kids. I bet it hurt hearing him say that. It pisses ME off just hearing that he had the balls to say that to you. What a narcissistic a-hole! Protect your heart OOD and detach from him....When you do that, I think it will be easier to do what you're dreading most to do..... My thoughts are with you.
frannie Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 ... he told me at one time some months ago when he was sick of my being suspicious and asking questions and snooping; "Look, if I'm going to cheat, I'm going to anyway, there is nothing anyone can do to stop me". In other words, it's up to him...No amount of snooping, chastising, anger, etc., will stop someone if they are determined to cheat...Especially given the tech of today's world...It did make sense, but it sure did make me feel helpless and hurt to hear it... Well isn't that the case with any relationship? You either have to decide to accept what he says as truth and get on with your life, or be forever snooping and looking for evidence. And what are you going to do with the evidence when you find it..? I've asked you this question before and as far as I remember you were going to do nothing even if you found out... I just don't know what you hope to achieve with all this searching. You feel helpless and hurt because you're relying on him doing what's right, and all indications are that he's never done that, and never will. So where do you go from here..?
Cliche Posted June 29, 2007 Posted June 29, 2007 he told me at one time some months ago when he was sick of my being suspicious and asking questions and snooping; "Look, if I'm going to cheat, I'm going to anyway, there is nothing anyone can do to stop me". .. Jaysus! I don't know whether to be horrified or impressed by his honesty. I think I'll be impressed at the horror of it. ODD, I'm just sorry. I am. You are in a very difficult situation that I know is causing you so much pain. I feel it in every single one of your posts. I know you feel a little bit trapped. I had a "trapped" marriage, and what started getting me out was thinking of things I wanted for my future that did not involve him changing. That entails either acceptance of what is remaining what will always be or taking the steps to put you in the number one position so you don't "need" him (and when you realize you don't "need" him anymore, I'm betting $20 that you won't "want" him anymore). And fwiw, with the exception of my current sitch here, which, in the long run, is just a blip on the radar screen, I am better for moving ahead doing what was best for me, selfishly. It's okay to be that way sometimes. Please take care.
Author outofdarkness Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 Well isn't that the case with any relationship? You either have to decide to accept what he says as truth and get on with your life, or be forever snooping and looking for evidence. And what are you going to do with the evidence when you find it..? I've asked you this question before and as far as I remember you were going to do nothing even if you found out... I just don't know what you hope to achieve with all this searching. You feel helpless and hurt because you're relying on him doing what's right, and all indications are that he's never done that, and never will. So where do you go from here..? Yes Frannie, you are right...I appreciate your honesty as well as you taking the time to read thru the posts and reply...
Author outofdarkness Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 Jaysus! I don't know whether to be horrified or impressed by his honesty. I think I'll be impressed at the horror of it. ODD, I'm just sorry. I am. You are in a very difficult situation that I know is causing you so much pain. I feel it in every single one of your posts. I know you feel a little bit trapped. I had a "trapped" marriage, and what started getting me out was thinking of things I wanted for my future that did not involve him changing. That entails either acceptance of what is remaining what will always be or taking the steps to put you in the number one position so you don't "need" him (and when you realize you don't "need" him anymore, I'm betting $20 that you won't "want" him anymore). And fwiw, with the exception of my current sitch here, which, in the long run, is just a blip on the radar screen, I am better for moving ahead doing what was best for me, selfishly. It's okay to be that way sometimes. Please take care. Yeah, once I re read what I had posted about what he had said to me..I too, was horrified. There's something about seeing it in writing and having other disinterested third party's give you their OP, that really hits home. Thanks for the encouragement and your thoughts..I really appreciate you taking the time to reply...Every reply...well ALMOST every reply..helps me...ood
SoxPrincess Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 When the A first began with exMM, we would talk and text via his regular cellphone (regular as in the one he has had for years that his W shares minutes with, has the # for, etc). After the first month, he got a secret cellphone which he would keep on vibrate when he was home with W but I never called while he was at home anyway. We often communicated via cellphone (talking & text) and he also set up a secret email & IM account. He always told me his W was technology challenged so she would never find his secret email accounts or his secret Photobucket account where he kept pictures of me and to my knowledge, she never did find anything via the web. OOD, I'm sorry you're going through this again and I'll keep you in my thoughts.
new beginning Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 I don't know about the 800 numbers... my MM and I initially communicated through e-mail, then when BW got all his passwords that came to an end. We actually set up an online chat account where just the two of us could send/receive messages in leu of e-mail. As far as the phone goes, BW checked his cell phone history frequently and scrutinized the bill so that didn't work; we ended up getting him a separate cell phone and added it to my bill (add a line for 9.99!) and that was how we communicated.
Author outofdarkness Posted July 4, 2007 Author Posted July 4, 2007 I don't know about the 800 numbers... my MM and I initially communicated through e-mail, then when BW got all his passwords that came to an end. We actually set up an online chat account where just the two of us could send/receive messages in leu of e-mail. As far as the phone goes, BW checked his cell phone history frequently and scrutinized the bill so that didn't work; we ended up getting him a separate cell phone and added it to my bill (add a line for 9.99!) and that was how we communicated. Thanks for the insight. I am curious, where does your MM keep his secret cell? This has been mentioned numerous times on OW forum, and I've never asked where it's kept. Obviously, post D day, the W is going to go thru the usual places...Thanks again for the info and for taking the time to post..If you're in the states, Happy 4th!!!
Author outofdarkness Posted July 4, 2007 Author Posted July 4, 2007 When the A first began with exMM, we would talk and text via his regular cellphone (regular as in the one he has had for years that his W shares minutes with, has the # for, etc). After the first month, he got a secret cellphone which he would keep on vibrate when he was home with W but I never called while he was at home anyway. We often communicated via cellphone (talking & text) and he also set up a secret email & IM account. He always told me his W was technology challenged so she would never find his secret email accounts or his secret Photobucket account where he kept pictures of me and to my knowledge, she never did find anything via the web. OOD, I'm sorry you're going through this again and I'll keep you in my thoughts. Sox, thanks for taking the time to post and help and for the kind words. Your insight is always helpful to me..Happy 4th...if you're in the states!
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