jackmerridew Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 My girlfriend, who's 20, and me, 25, have been together for the past year and a half now. We have been living together since September in Hawaii, under her request. It's been grand for me, but I get the feeling that she hasn't been completely happy. Last month she went to Washington state for a six-week internship. There she's been partying nonstop, drinking, doing drugs and hanging with friends old and new. There would be entire days where I wouldn't even get so much as a text from her, and whenever I'd call, she wouldn't answer. Then last night, one week before she gets back, we talk about the possibility of breaking up, which tears me up inside. She said she's tired of being like my wife. She also said part of her frustration stemmed from a waning sex life, which I wholeheartedly admit. She's also tired of me always being there, to pick her up or drop her off at parties here in Hawaii because she doesn't have a car. I told her I never forced myself to "be there." I just don't want her driving drunk, and her friends are usually too screwed up to drop her back at our place. Besides, she'd call me all belligerent and beg for me to take her home. But now she resents that? Anyway, I think she also has a hard time just telling me she doesn't want to be with me anymore, because our families are close, particularly because she's best friends with my little sister. So this weekend is her last weekend of partying before she comes back to me, she said, and when I asked her what I can do to amend our relationship, she said, "Let me call you." I said I already do that anyway, because I had given up on calling her since she rarely answers the phone. Well I sent her a long email last night apologizing for how things have been the past few months before she left, both in our physical and spiritual intimacy, and I told her when she gets back I promise to spend the rest of my waking days making up for it. I was expected a response, so I call her this morning, and she sounds upset that I called her. She said that she thought she made it clear that she can call me only. I didn't realize that it meant that much to her, and I told her I only wanted to know what she thought of my email. And she said it was sincere, articulate and well-written, which isn't exactly what I wanted to hear. Dejected, I said I'm sorry and that it was a mistake calling her, and we just said bye. Since then I somehow am getting the impression that this is terribly unfair to me, and that she is partying guilt-free at the expense of my feelings. Look, I always keep telling her that I don't want to talk to her for an extended period of time. It makes me feel good, though, when she calls me and lets me know how she's doing, or if she's having a good time. But she never does that anymore, and she sure as hell isn't doing it today. I'm screaming inside, and I screamed inside my car after work, letting out all my bottled up frustration. I'm not going to call her, but like I said, this is all at the expense of my own happiness. What do you guys think? Is it pretty much over?
VIP Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 It's over and I don't think you should apologize for anything, you deserve someone better than that. You should respect yourself more and don't allow anyone to walk all over you, lke she does.
Vertex Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 You deserve better. She not only communicates with you improperly, but her brining up the issue of you always being there is mind-boggling. Odds are she is upset over the sex issue and is trying to make you feel bad for not feeling "wild" enough, and so she wants to go to this lifestyle of partying/drugs, from what I read here. But she is trying to justify this desire by making you look like the bad guy, and by you writing an Email, you are doing just that. It gives her the conscience to do what she wants at your expense because she can blame you for whatever it is she feels. This is just total BS. Don't let her walk all over you. Find someone better who will appreciate you.
gfto Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 Is it pretty much over? It is. There's no "pretty much" about it. Cut it off and find a girl who wants to be with you.
Author jackmerridew Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 It is BS. No matter how many breakups you go through, it never gets any easier for me. She still hasn't given me the dignity of a phone call back or a text message back. No matter what problems we might've faced before, I deserve more respect than this after having fed her and clothed her and housed her and pampered her for the past year. When she comes back to Hawaii, she will find that she will no longer have a place to stay. It breaks my heart and I will be a tortured soul for some time, but you guys are right. I need to leave this with at least a portion of my dignity intact. There is no reason why I should carve myself for someone who doesn't respect me enough to respond to a simple text message.
CaterpillarGirl Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 She's 20. That is very young to be in a committed relationship unless she is very mature. Partying, drinking (underage), doing drugs - does not say "mature." I don't think she is ready to be with you. I'm sure she enjoyed the free ride you offered her, but she doesn't want to be attached. She is not responding to you because it is easier not to. Honestly, I think you would be better off pursuing another girl who is mature enough to respect you and your relationship. Maybe look outside of your sister's friends this time. Good luck and don't contact her any more. I think the message is clear.
freakygal78 Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I'm so sorry to read of your sitch dude. My heart goes out to you as I am going thru similar r'ship turmoil at the moment. After all you did for her she goes and treats you like this? Getting upset at you being considerate by offering rides and laying down the law on phone contact? That is just disrespectful. Seems like she's just wanting to break out of r'ship mode. I can kind of understand that if she's younger but seriously treating you like dirt should not be part of the process. You will be better off without her as most anyone will tell you but that doesn't make it easier does it? It always hurts when you have to detach your heart from someone you cared about and perhaps foresaw a future with. I know that things don't get easier the more break-ups you have and I certainly have been thru a few. I really hope it works out for you and you come out the wiser and find a lady who really appreciates you as you seem to a caring person and possess a real spirit of generosity. Life is not fair but at least it gives us a lesson when the proverbial hits the fan.
Author jackmerridew Posted June 25, 2007 Author Posted June 25, 2007 You're right it is hard. I mean, it's easy for anyone to say drop her, even for myself. But to actually do it will be like peeling my skin off - slow and painful. It's not what I want because I don't want to have to go through another coping phase for several years, and I don't want to wake up in the morning, and have the first breath I draw cave my chest in because my lover isn't next to me anymore. I don't want to because she was the sweetest, most caring and loving person I had ever met, and I truly miss that girl wherever she may be.
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