jcd111 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Okay I think I need some opinions on this. I was with this guy for 1 1/2 years dating and we were friends longer. we lived together for a year. He was miserable at his job and started looking for something new. Before he got another job he talked to me about moving and said he didn't want to leave me. Well he found a job in another state and started making plans by himself to move. At first when i questioned him on it he stated that he was unsure of the relationship because of the problems he had with my daughter. A few days later he said he just wanted to go and get settled and then I can come. I didn't take well to that and had a few issues. So we went back and forth the rest of the time he was here, but we remained friends and made the best of a horrible situation. So he moved about two weeks ago. Immediately he continued to text me to say he misses me and loves me. I would ask where we stand and he just says I don't know. He is still afraid to commit because of my daughter he says. (she was really hard to handle through the realtionship) So I said well then that sounds like you have made up your mind and he says he can't tell me to move on because he misses me. I am pulling my hair out at this point. We have talked everyday since he left but still nothing is resolved. So today i didn't text anything and about bedtime he texted say hi how was my day. i responded shortly but then sent a text saying we can't talk anymore. The hardest part is aside from the issues with my daughter we really did get along great. It is hard because he is such a great friend but everytime I talk to him I am hoping he will say lets fix this. he doesn't of course but yet he still calls everyday. So should I stop talkng to him for good or remain friends and hope the love fades in time. I haven't gone a single day in a year and a half not talking to him so my urge is to just call, but after the call the pain hits all over again. Also if he needs time to think about things is it more effective to keep in contact or no contact. I really do hope he wants to work things out but I feel like a fool waiting to possibly get disappointed down the road. how long does it generally take a guy to decide if he made a mistake or what he wants. i don't doubt he loves me but the question is does he love me enough to help and support (emotionally) my daughter.
BlueEyedSarah Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 My ex started crawling back to me realising the mistake 3 months after breaking up with me. I can't say wether or not your guy will crawl back to you. I say good ridance to him, think of your daughter and what guy is best for her and you. This guy finds it difficult with your daughter because he proberbly did not try hard enough to sort out the issue he had with her. He obviously was not intrested in playing happy families with you from the start which is why he felt all over the place in your relationship.
LakesideDream Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 jcd, Taking on full time "step" responsibility is a very big deal to some men. Frankly, I believe you should be happy he's honest about his doubts/position and is communicating it. In my experiance, a year or so after my divorce I met a real attractive gal, with a 9 year old daughter. I was 52 she was 45. We had a real good time for a few months, UNTIL it began to get "serious". I realized that having raised two of my own children to adulthood and a bit beyond, I wasn't prepared to begin raising another. She wasn't happy about my honesty. BTW, she's been married and divorced twice in six years since. Give your guy the chance to make his decision. There's a good chance it will go your way. If not.. at least he was upfront about the situation.
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 It's hard to give you advices since you don't give enough information about what the problem is between your daughter and this guy... Maybe it can be worked out...maybe not. It is hard for the step parent... especially if the child is 'hard'. Do you want to explain what the issue is with your daughter?
Author jcd111 Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 you are right I respect the honesty. I would never have wanted to move out there and then find out he has doubts. what hurts the most is he never said anything until he got the job. while we lived together and before the new job he said he wanted to be with me and never mentioned having doubts. So to me it seemed once he got the opportunity to leave he took it to see if it is any better without me. I just get confused why he can't tell me its over or to let go. He still calls and everyday and tells me he misses me but thats it. my daughter is 11 now. I have never married or really dated until she was 9. She was fine with him before when we were friends but once we started dating the temper tantrums started. They were bad ones too and it was mostly fear of losing me. She now goes to a therapist and the really bad tantrums have stopped but she is still a moody child. The hard part is she does wanted him to be a part of her life but he shut her out earlier. He didnt really try either so the relationship stayed bad. They both gave up on eachother too soon. She is getting better and has said she wanted to do things with him but he refused to take her anywhere alone. so of course the doctor tells he to try those things and he wasn't willing to try it out which made her believe he hates her and she would be mean. they had good times too though playing soccer, flying kites, going to the arcade but when he looks back all he sees are the temper tantrums she had. When i look back i can't blame him for the way he feels but he should have been upfront long before he left and he should be honest now if he doesn't want to be in her life. The i don't knows are too hard. I don''t know if he will have a change of heart either only time will tell but I have cut all contact with him. It is killing me but if he didn't love me enough to stick through it now how could i say he would stay for the future. I feel guilty though becase i feel i am abandoning him during his new job and the move when he needs a friend but it is soo hard to talk each day and not hope he will tell me he wants to work it out. I am only just over 24 hours of no talking, it is a record for us but it is really hard.
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