pink smartie Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I have very casually been seeing this guy, and despite being the horniest woman alive, no naked action yet. I'm on the fence about this guy. He has this one habit of always telling me about little things he wants us to do together, of always insisting that we take things slow, of insisting there is more to come. We don't see each other very often because we both have pretty ectic schedules, me moreso then him. I like spending time with him and I think the feeling is mutual. Well, so he tells me. We are nowhere near 'serious' status and that is fine with me. Yet, he does this one thing that drives me nuts: he cancels plans. Example: we have plans for next Saturday and I just found out, while perusing the art galeries downtown, that he has an art opening that night... I remember him mentionning something about it before we made the previous plans. Like what the heck??? Why would he make plans with me (camping trip) when, clearly, he has to be in town?
directx Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 eh. Sounds like he's wasting your time. Make an ultimatum but dont let him know it. next time he says yes to plans and cancels. Tell him you are going forward with the plans anyway and say goodbye. If he's not giving his best now in the beginning, what makes you think that will change?
Author pink smartie Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 Well that is exactly what I did the last time he cancelled plans. It was a party and I went on my own and had a great time. One of the things about his bailings is that his excuses are always legitimate. But you're right, after I sort this one out, I am not making anymore plans with this guy. I still don't get why he's always into it when we are making the plans and then bails out. This upcoming plan, I actually talked with him twice (because of his previous behavior) and made it clear to him that, given a heads-up, I could find a friend to go with if he thought he couldn't make it (it's canoeing-camping so I do need a partner). Both times he seemed sincere about wanting to do it.
Author pink smartie Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 . If he's not giving his best now in the beginning, what makes you think that will change? I don't really know how to answer this question. Right now all I would like is to get to know this guy a bit better before I actually start thinking about a future with him. Unfortunately, the opportunities for us to do this are few and far between.
directx Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Yeah, I feel for you pink smartie. I know when I meet a girl i want to be with, there are no other plans if I could help it. I'm too worried I'll lose an opportunity to be with her. It sounds like you are just casual together, so he may legitamatly have other girls he is going out with. And since you are so easy to re-schedule with...there is no urgency. I am not saying thats right, but it could likely be true.
Topper Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 is he an Artist? You said he has a Gallery Opening this weekend. I assume he is some type of Artist. be warned he could be extremely right brained. Your idea of time and space are not his idea of time and space. he really does want to go camping with you and spend time. but he does not have that little calender in his head, that most people seem to have. I have the same problem So I got a day planner and write everything down. check it about 3 times a day and check in with others just to keep track. Otherwize I'm just in my world doing whatever I do.
Author pink smartie Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 Yeah, I feel for you pink smartie. I know when I meet a girl i want to be with, there are no other plans if I could help it. I'm too worried I'll lose an opportunity to be with her. It sounds like you are just casual together, so he may legitamatly have other girls he is going out with. And since you are so easy to re-schedule with...there is no urgency. I am not saying thats right, but it could likely be true. Well that's the thing... He has an art opening so he can't help it. He has to be there. (Not that he has cancelled with me yet) I just don't understand why he made plans with me when he had legitimate other plans elsewhere. Why couldn't he simply say: "no, that weekend doesn't work for me because I have an art show"? I would have appreciated that a lot more then a yes that is actually a no (I have to say that my friends feel that I sent him a lot of mixed messages, in part because I have had to say no to a lot of his date proposals because of prior engagements on my part.) But yeah, I mean I am not immune to the 'not into you' tidal wave that has hit the dating world and I get what you mean. Besides, I really don't want anything draining or complicated in my life right now, and this is what this is turning out to be. Too bad.
directx Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Find a guy that you don't have to remind all the time that you exist.
Author pink smartie Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 is he an Artist? You said he has a Gallery Opening this weekend. I assume he is some type of Artist. be warned he could be extremely right brained. Your idea of time and space are not his idea of time and space. he really does want to go camping with you and spend time. but he does not have that little calender in his head, that most people seem to have. I have the same problem So I got a day planner and write everything down. check it about 3 times a day and check in with others just to keep track. Otherwize I'm just in my world doing whatever I do. LOL. Yeah he is an artist and a pretty free-roaming one at that. I remember him telling me something about his mom still being on his case about him being disorganized.
Lizzie60 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 well this would definitely be a deal breaker for me... When I say I will do something... I do it... I have no patience for people who think everyone else around are waiting for their agenda... I don't think so.... It could happen once... everyone makes mistakes...but the second time... he'd get his 'one way ticket'...
Author pink smartie Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 well this would definitely be a deal breaker for me... When I say I will do something... I do it... I have no patience for people who think everyone else around are waiting for their agenda... I don't think so.... It could happen once... everyone makes mistakes...but the second time... he'd get his 'one way ticket'... Well it is turning out to be a dealbreaker, but this guy is quite the opposite of self-centred. Which is why this is so confusing for me. I think Topper has it right, he just doesn't inhabit the space-time continuum the same way I do.
directx Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Actually, it sounds exactly like work-a-holics. Ever hear stories of people married to work-a-holics?
Topper Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 For some it is a deal breaker. For others it is just a quirk that can be worked around. I'm telling you that he is not doing this to you. It is just a part of who he is. Do not take this as some slap in the face. You could help him with this or let it get to you. You are the only one who can decide if you can live with his little quirk. Trust me on this a great many woman can't be with an a Artist I'm very open front with the people I date and tell them that there are times that I need a lot of leeway. Woman do have this fantasy about Artist. It is true we are very sensuous and ardent Lovers. Time might not be relevant because we are in the moment. Making Love for hours and lost in time is all part of it. The good part. The bad part We are also big pains in the azz to live with. Why not go to his show. Give him some support. A show is a big deal. Like an Actor on Opening Night. I have gotten sick from all the anxiety of a show. What if nobody shows up? What if Nobody Buys any thing? Art reviewers might hate the work and you get bad mouthed in your community. I have done shows as both a Gallery Director and as a Painter. I have been up all night hanging and re hanging a show. Getting little or no sleep for a couple of days. Every painting is like your child. More then your child it is a part of you. Anyway i'm getting off on a tangent here.
Author pink smartie Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 Actually, it sounds exactly like work-a-holics. Ever hear stories of people married to work-a-holics? No I haven't heard stories and I myself have work-a-holic tendencies.... What about work-a-holics? For some it is a deal breaker. For others it is just a quirk that can be worked around. I'm telling you that he is not doing this to you. It is just a part of who he is. Do not take this as some slap in the face. You could help him with this or let it get to you. You are the only one who can decide if you can live with his little quirk. Trust me on this a great many woman can't be with an a Artist I'm very open front with the people I date and tell them that there are times that I need a lot of leeway. Woman do have this fantasy about Artist. It is true we are very sensuous and ardent Lovers. Time might not be relevant because we are in the moment. Making Love for hours and lost in time is all part of it. The good part. The bad part We are also big pains in the azz to live with. Why not go to his show. Give him some support. A show is a big deal. Like an Actor on Opening Night. I have gotten sick from all the anxiety of a show. What if nobody shows up? What if Nobody Buys any thing? Art reviewers might hate the work and you get bad mouthed in your community. I have done shows as both a Gallery Director and as a Painter. I have been up all night hanging and re hanging a show. Getting little or no sleep for a couple of days. Every painting is like your child. More then your child it is a part of you. Anyway i'm getting off on a tangent here. He is the first visual artist that I date but I have dated a lot of musicians and yeah I have to say they are great lovers. This guy is currently dealing with a lot of self-esteem issues because of how tough the art world is - and because his ex of five years left him for a man who also happens to be a better established artists. In fact, he doesn't even consider himself an artist -even though he obviously is one - and is constantly putting his art and himself down. He thinks, for instance, that he only got the show because they couldn't find anybody else.... Meanwhile his stuff is genuinely good. I think he is just not ready to have anyone in his life right now - or at least not me. I would love to support him and go to the show but I only get a few days vacation and I really want to go camping. He just hasn't given me enough signs of interests for me to put my life on hold for him. I've been hurt before (by a musician...) and I just don't want to put myself in a vulnerable position again.
directx Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 No I haven't heard stories and I myself have work-a-holic tendencies.... What about work-a-holics? Go this link for starters: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/workaholics-marriage-faq.htm
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