noway Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Honest to God, it seems to NEVER STOP. From sun up to sun down, I am constantly being bombarded with it. The minute he opens his eyes, before I even open mine, begins the commands....."turn on the lite, you forgot to sweep last nite, why are there still dishes in the sink....." Its one big run-on sentence with him without a breath in between. From his directors stance, he is hurling orders left and right. and then it stops. And I am granted a reprieve. For 5 minutes. Then begins the next batch of demands.On and on it goes until the minute his head hits the pillow, and sometimes even then, there is one last demand before his sleep claims him. All day long, he is constantly commanding and criticizing. I assure you that I am not exaggerating. I wish you could see and experience for yourself. It is like something I have never seen before or since in a man. Yesterday was the worst. We are in the middle of moving and from the moment we met up, it started. "Your car is a mess, why didnt you throw away these water bottles, why are you driving so fast, dont you see that curb, stop playing with the radio, look out, why are you taking this way-turn left and take the other way, dont you know the way there yet? Werent you with me yesterday when we drove?" And its like he is pointing out the very very very obvious...sometimes I will be in the middle of actually doing the task, and he will be standing over me commanding me how to do it, and at the same time picking apart how I do it. EVEN IF HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT IT AT ALL. It just NEVER seems to stop. He isnt discriminating either. Its about all things, big and small. Even the smallest of things hold some significance to him...."I told you to clean out your purse, why is it such a mess? When we live over there, you are going to clean out your purse".......(said to me at the door of our house fumbling with the keys at 11:30 at nite as we were crawling home after a nite of cleaning and moving). WHO CARES about my purse? WHY is it SO important to HIM if MY purse is a little messy? I mean, HONESTLY, WHO CARES ABOUT THESE THINGS? I could go on and on, but I am starting to cringe because I am sounding like him!! Has anyone ever been with someone like this?
Maxine Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Why are you moving with him? Take this opportunity with your bags packed to run for the hills!
Author noway Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 Why are you moving with him? Take this opportunity with your bags packed to run for the hills! Thanks Maxine...I know thats probably going to be the popular consensus, but does anyone have an insight into why, perhaps, he is like this, or what this all means? And, does anyone find his behaviour normal, or is it just I who is overreacting?
quankanne Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 husband generally is good about that ... until I get behind the wheel. Then the nagging starts. I know he doesn't trust my driving as much as he does his own, and I appreciate that, yet I find it incredibly rude and disruptive when he does that. And it's gotten to a point where I will start yelling at him that I'll throw his *ss out of the car if he doesn't quit. He doesn't mean to offend, yet after continued feedback from me, he still doesn't stop. So I refuse to drive him anywhere. Sometimes, I'll start in on his driving just to pay him back, and sometimes he'll get the point ... but it never really ends. maybe your husband has the same problem – he actually believes he's helping by nagging and fretting over your actions, and doesn't truly understand how rude and disruptive his behavior is. you can try humor: "You know honey, if it weren't for your gender, I'd swear you were a naggy old lady" *said with a smile* ... or, "In some countries, I'd be allowed to cut out your tongue because you refuse to shut up" *smile* or be just as blunt: "I know you're trying to be helpful, but you're irritating the hell out of me, and I'm this close to finding a shovel to hit you upside the head with. Go away, and let me do my job/Shut up, I can do it without running commentary." or do a negative-reinforcement exercise, like people do with cussers: everytime he indulges in this annoying behavior, he's got to put a dollar ($5 would be even more of an incentive) into a "wifey-mad-money" jar every time he starts in. Or even take away privileges like you would a kid (can't go fishing for a day if he nags excessively for a day, etc). That might draw his attention to his behavior. above all else, look into a visit with a marital counsellor so that he can get tips on better communication, and you get the tools you need to deal with this behavior as he tries to improve.
Steveto Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Shouting commands from the couch is he..8-) He does have a chip. Has he always been like this? What about the first time you met? Have you ever said "Then YOU do it!" is he ever happy?
Author noway Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 you can try humor: "You know honey, if it weren't for your gender, I'd swear you were a naggy old lady" *said with a smile* ... or, "In some countries, I'd be allowed to cut out your tongue because you refuse to shut up" *smile* or be just as blunt: "I know you're trying to be helpful, but you're irritating the hell out of me, and I'm this close to finding a shovel to hit you upside the head with. Go away, and let me do my job/Shut up, I can do it without running commentary." :lmao: Thanks Quank, at least you made me laugh! I do sometimes bellow out "Jeesusss....ENOUGH.....You are like a _itch on her rag....damn....go away...." and he gets all mad because I am being "disrespectful". Whatever. Last nite I told him that he was reaallllllyyy lucky that he ended up with me instead of another woman. He asked me why, and I told him that anyone else would have killed him by now because his CONSTANT harping would make even Mother Theresa snap......I can see why he didnt appreciate that comment, but he has got to know how horrible it truly is.
quankanne Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 hmmmm ... maybe it's time to learn Italian. That way you can yell at him AND make unmistakeable hand gestures :laugh: I think a4a's got an extra fork lying around, that way you can stab him in the head when he gets like this ...
Trialbyfire Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I must be Italian when I'm driving.... Ladies, ladies, it's called IMS. Irritable Man Syndrome.
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