SadForever Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I had good caring intentions when I did this, now Im wondering if it was a mistake... My ex lives across the country from me and has been going through some tough times in the military recently. He shared some of his stress with me on the phone last week. We've known each other since December, and i've mailed him a 'care package" on average about every 6 weeks. I always send homemade cookies. So this week i sent him a care package, really hoping to bring a smile to his face after all the stress he's been having. I baked 2 kinds of his fave cookies. Then I bought 2 packages of new socks, and 3 tshirts I thought were cool. I thought it'd be clever to use the clothing as packing material for the cookies. I enclosed a note saying "the more clean socks you have, the longer you can put off doing laundry". He tells me he never has time to do laundry. So he gets the package yesterday and IM's me "my room smells like cookies and there are socks everywhere". I say "hope thats not a bad thing lol" and he says "nahh lol". Then he says he's gettin ready to go to his night job. So today i just cant shake the feeling that he didnt like what i sent him, or it make him uncomfortable, or whatever. I didn't expect any big fanfare about the gifts, but it's hard to not to feel kinda bad when i put so much effort into trying to send things i thought he'd really like and would cheer him up. He's not a guy who forgets to say thanks, it hasnt been a problem in the past. I do love him, and the gifts were given unconditionally. Just makes me kinda sad I couldnt seem to accomplish what i wanted, and it fact might have created an opposite affect. I couldnt help it, i sent him an email today appologizing if i made him uncomfortable and said i only wanted to cheer him up. HOW DO YOU GUYS READ THIS?! thanks.......................
funkybassplayer Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Trying to be a friend with someone you love is hard. I cut and pasted this from a post from today i put on here, as this is what it did to me Can i add that at the time when we broke up, i brought up all the points about new relatiomships etc, i said when you get one you wont want to know. Her answer was 'u are important to me and no man will tell me who i can and cant be freinds with' etc, so i guess i felt that all that she told me at the time, about being freinds with the kids, and being able to visit and all the rest is what made me feel hurt and lyed to, because when i agreed, it was a hard thing for me to do because i told her that i didnt want to be freinds, that i wanted to walk away and remember our last day as being nice, which it was. (kissed on lips etc) I wanted to walk away with my head held high, but i was reduced to a shadow of myself because of this promise of a friendship. I f i would have did what i wanted to, i would have not known about this new guy, or would have had nice memories of the little girl, instead i have her crying ritchi come back.....she was 3 and we bonded , and i miss her so much, now she thinks i walked out on her. I gutted the spare room to make her a bedroom, that she loved, and was proud of , and it made me feel like a milloin dollors to do it. I would have not had to hear my ex girlfriend that i love telling me not to contact her because her new guiy hates it. That all F.....d me up big time. , I guess im a sensitive chap, and maybe at the time she ment it about being friends. But in any post, i never not once said that i never missed her, but i have come to know over the weeks that she was no good for me, and maybe i was no good for her.Maybe i could.nt give her the attention she craved, or that i felt less attracted to her because of her depression, and sleeping loads, bit i always loved her, and wanted to work through all this. I never knew i was on a time limit, i was there for the long run. Its hard trying to get over a whole family and a way of life that might have been, but i have to, and so far i have come to terms with the fact that i may never see or hear from them ever again, and that for me, is a hard thing to admit. To know that someone that you would have given your life for does'nt want me anymore, and maybe dont even care if im still alive. I never got the chance to slowely let go of my ex. because she got involved so fast with a new guy, and then hear her say that hes wonderful, and has money, something i never had, but spent my last pound on that family. iv had to Get over her and do it alone. I have no day job or friends in the area, so for 6 weeks been fighting all sorts of urges, like standing over the A12 and jumping! Even now i feel that i want to say sorry for all the things that maybe i should have done. I still feel like the loser, i lost the girl that i love for whatever reason. and now, slowley im begining to win, and im proud of myself for that, but im still at the point where the smallest thing, the sligtest let down and im back down again. All i have had were these boards to write to. I just want to feel good again. I have put the house on the market, and im going to start a new life ir try, but make no mistake, today is a hard day for me. I think to myself that any women who will look you in the eye and say get over your dads death, but will cry because he ex hubby sent her a text and im ment to be there and was there for her is not worth a f... Good luck............
lindya Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 II couldnt help it, i sent him an email today appologizing if i made him uncomfortable and said i only wanted to cheer him up. HOW DO YOU GUYS READ THIS?! thanks....................... I think sending him a "care package" of socks and home-baked cookies was a lovely thing to do, but also strikes me as something a very long-term girlfriend or a wife - rather than a female friend - would do. I appreciate that you did used to date this guy, but I suppose you're now in the territory of needing to draw clear boundaries to demonstrate that you realise the situation between you is "just friends". If I were wanting to cheer up a male friend in the military (or army as we say here) then I'd probably be more inclined to send something that would make him laugh.
Author SadForever Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 If I were wanting to cheer up a male friend in the military (or army as we say here) then I'd probably be more inclined to send something that would make him laugh. I appreciate your opinion... i was thinking finding a bunch of socks as packing material would make him laugh! not sure if it did or not. also one of the t-shirts i thought would make him laugh. i'd sent him an email a week earllier confirming his clothes sizes, which he did, then asked me what i was up to. i figured he'd have an idea of what i was up to asking clothes sizes, and he'd tell me not to get him anything if he didnt want me to. now im fighting feeling bad and stupid when all i wanted to do was a good deed. some days guess ya just gotta say F*** IT
LakesideDream Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 SadForever, Girl, buck up. I'm ex military, and I'll tell you, I even enjoyed the care packs from Mom! If he's deployed, or going soon, he has a world of crap swirling around in his skull. Take him at his word that he appreciates your effort. I cannot stress to you enough what a brain burning experiance it is to know you are/or are about to be "deep in the sh*t" soon. Then there is always the possiblility that you may actually get croaked. I betcha that he's the envy of every guy in the barracks.
Author SadForever Posted June 23, 2007 Author Posted June 23, 2007 Thanks for that, Lakeside!! It is so hard to relate to what it's like in his Army world... He did email and call me yesterday and said he liked his stuff...
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