brandie32 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 If anyone can help me with this issue. I have been dating this guy for a bit, we have been out on 4 dates. Since the first date all the way up to the 4th date he has called everyday. Everything seemed to be going very well. He was very attentive and most of the time we would just laugh from the beginning of our date to the end. After our 4th date I invited him in like he always did after every date. We had a glass of iced tea and chatted on my couch. Then we ended up in my bed having sex. I figured it was the 4th date so it was ok. I am not easy but I really liked him. He stayed for a couple of hours after but had to leave due to a golf tournament adn he has a huge dog(would not want that dog poopin in my house)But we layed in bed and talked he asked if I was ok, and told me I was the only girl her was dating. I also replyed that I was not seeing anyone else. The next day no phone call or respond to my text. I sent a text saying " Good luck at the tournament and hope you have a lot of fun" He did leave his watch on my bed stand, expensive one too. But no call???? I do not even think I want to talk to him agin, who does not call the day after? We are both in our early 30's and the games should be over. Can anyone add anything to this???
dbtmarley Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 May I ask, have you called him? I know you said you texted him and got no response, but have you called? If you have not aren't you essentially playing the game you described? Why did he ask you if anything was wrong after sex? Who knows the guy might think he was terrible in bed and that you never want to see him again. I know it is a little late now, but the conversations you had after sex should have been done so before you had sex.
UT_longhorn Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 he's at a golf tournament. either he doesn't have his phone on him or its turned off due to other players teeing off. i wouldn't worry. I'm sure he'll get back to you.
tanbark813 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 May I ask, have you called him? I know you said you texted him and got no response, but have you called? If you have not aren't you essentially playing the game you described? Word.
sb129 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 If its only one day, I would relax! Yes, the games should be over, but its is highly unlikely that he is playing any excpet golf. Golf tournaments arent really conducive to calling your GF. Trust me on this one. and he will want his watch back at some point!
Krytellan Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I'm going to be the dissenting voice. Be prepared for the fact that it was a hit and run. That's my gut feeling.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 He'll want his watch, so he will call. Give him time, another day or two, and I'm sure he will, especially since he reassured you that you are the only one he is seeing right now. Alot of guys will do this right after sex (I know from experience) and that gut feeling we get is horrible, especially when there was no reassurance of another date or that they're not seeing anyone else. But if we're patient, let them regain their sense of self, because some of them do get scared after sex, he will come around. He will either decide he wants to back off, and not be in a relationship, or will call and things will be where they left off. One of the worst things you can do right now is pressure him to answer any relationship questions. Just have fun and accept that he is into you and you don't have to talk everyday. Maybe he feels he doesn't have to call everyday now that he feels comfortable that things are moving along, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Word. Tan, regardless of your whole stubborn equality thing of "I didn't call you, but you didn't call me either" attitude (kiss, kiss), the fact of the matter is if MOST if not ALL women think the way I do (i.e., the dude MUST call the day after SEX, or damage is done), a man would be wise to make a simple 2 minute call the day after (even if *gasp* just to preserve his integrity in her eyes to enable him to hit it again in the future). I'm going to be the dissenting voice. Be prepared for the fact that it was a hit and run. That's my gut feeling. I agree. When a pattern of behavior is changed dramatically, particularly after an act that *should* bring you closer together and not farther apart, my gut instinct goes into overdrive. Unfortunately, this is not a good sign.
tanbark813 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Tan, regardless of your whole stubborn equality thing of "I didn't call you, but you didn't call me either" attitude (kiss, kiss), the fact of the matter is if MOST if not ALL women think the way I do (i.e., the dude MUST call the day after SEX, or damage is done), a man would be wise to make a simple 2 minute call the day after (even if *gasp* just to preserve his integrity in her eyes to enable him to hit it again in the future). There's no reason the woman can't call. If women want equality they should step up to the plate and put their money where their mouth is.
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 There's no reason the woman can't call. If women want equality they should step up to the plate and put their money where their mouth is. For the record, I NEVER asked for equality. Not once. That said, I texted you first. I called you first. I came to you first.
dbtmarley Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 There's no reason the woman can't call. If women want equality they should step up to the plate and put their money where their mouth is. PREACH!!!! Amen to that my brother!
tanbark813 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 For the record, I NEVER asked for equality. Not once. Well then go get me a beer, woman. Pronto. That said, I texted you first. I called you first. I came to you first. Hmmm.. well I sang to you first.
dbtmarley Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 For the record, I NEVER asked for equality. Not once. That said, I texted you first. I called you first. I came to you first. I would text you back, but I would definitely need to concentrate on beating Tiger Woods first! I cannot believe no one has mentioned that she can pawn the watch. I bet the thing is worth a good $1000 atleast.. He just sounds like money to me!
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Well then go get me a beer, woman. Pronto. I also bought the first round of drinks!! Hmmm.. well I sang to you first. Well, ... fine. One first, good for you!
fray718 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I think it depends....it's not a matter of whether who calls or whatever, but more of whether the pattern has been broken. If he normally was one who initiates calls then stops all of a sudden, then that is a problem. Consistency is important. I think a GOOD man worth being in a relationship with will be kind enough to REALIZE what effect not calling after sex will have on a woman. If he truly cares and is not insensitive, I think he should be calling soon. Me and a few others here have had the experience of having our heart strings tugged when we have had no calls the few days after being intimiate with the guy and it hurts. But for now, be strong and dont initiate any more contact until he does so first...even if it hurts. All being said, its only been a day so its way too soon to tell. Give it a few more days and see. Keep us updated.
tanbark813 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I think a GOOD man worth being in a relationship with will be kind enough to REALIZE what effect not calling after sex will have on a woman. Blah blah blah.. So a woman who doesn't call after sex isn't a good woman? And if not, then why the double standard?
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Because chivalry is not - or at least, SHOULD NOT - be dead. Period.
tanbark813 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I'm all for chivalry, just not double-standards.
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I'm all for chivalry, just not double-standards. No. You equate chivalry with equality. You pretty much are tit-for-tat in your approach to dating. "One shouldn't expect anything they're not willing to give." This may be true, but a man is SUPPOSED to call after sex. A man is SUPPOSED to open doors. A man is SUPPOSED to be a gentleman. A man is SUPPOSED to court a woman. A woman returns these gestures in her OWN way. Not identical ways, her own ways. But he'll never get that if he doesn't do what he's supposed to do in the first place.
tanbark813 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 No. You equate chivalry with equality. You pretty much are tit-for-tat in your approach to dating. "One shouldn't expect anything they're not willing to give." This may be true, but a man is SUPPOSED to call after sex. A man is SUPPOSED to open doors. A man is SUPPOSED to be a gentleman. A man is SUPPOSED to court a woman. A woman returns these gestures in her OWN way. Not identical ways, her own ways. But he'll never get that if he doesn't do what he's supposed to do in the first place. No no no. I believe in both. A man who does those things IS chivalrous, but just because he doesn't do those things doesn't mean he's a bad guy. You can have chivalry and equality (i.e., the door test). And need I remind you that I did open the car door for you.
fray718 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 No. You equate chivalry with equality. You pretty much are tit-for-tat in your approach to dating. "One shouldn't expect anything they're not willing to give." This may be true, but a man is SUPPOSED to call after sex. A man is SUPPOSED to open doors. A man is SUPPOSED to be a gentleman. A man is SUPPOSED to court a woman. A woman returns these gestures in her OWN way. Not identical ways, her own ways. But he'll never get that if he doesn't do what he's supposed to do in the first place. Right on!!
fray718 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 No no no. I believe in both. A man who does those things IS chivalrous, but just because he doesn't do those things doesn't mean he's a bad guy. You can have chivalry and equality (i.e., the door test). And need I remind you that I did open the car door for you. If a guy doesnt call after sex, you're right, it doesnt make him a bad guy. He's not being understanding of a women's need for reassurance and that he is hurting the women, he's not being sensitive and thoughtful enough just to give a 2 min call to say hi and thanks for last night, but yea it doesnt mean he is a bad/evil person, not at all. A person who is not thoughtful is not a bad person, but not necessarily a good person either. And by good, i just mean it in the context of dating....
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 No no no. I believe in both. A man who does those things IS chivalrous, but just because he doesn't do those things doesn't mean he's a bad guy. You can have chivalry and equality (i.e., the door test). And need I remind you that I did open the car door for you. The door test is lame. I fail it every single time, ON PURPOSE for the most part, because I don't want to be in a tit-for-tat relationship. I could go on for years about the door test, but I won't. If a guy doesnt call after sex, you're right, it doesnt make him a bad guy. He's not being understanding of a women's need for reassurance and that he is hurting the women, he's not being sensitive and thoughtful enough just to give a 2 min call to say hi and thanks for last night, but yea it doesnt mean he is a bad/evil person, not at all. A person who is not thoughtful is not a bad person, but not necessarily a good person either. Exactly. Not calling, not opening doors, not otherwise demonstrating himself to be a gentleman doesn't necessarily make him a "bad guy." But by not understanding her needs and hurting her feelings, making her doubt his interest in her, he's not doing HIMSELF any favors in the love market. Like I've said a thousand times before, if a man wants to be with a woman, he would be wise to do these things without hesitation, gaming for position, and without expectation of anything in return. If he fails to do these things, he just may lose her.
tanbark813 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 The door test is lame. I fail it every single time, ON PURPOSE for the most part, because I don't want to be in a tit-for-tat relationship. I could go on for years about the door test, but I won't. You didn't fail it a week ago. I just didn't know that women were so against equality in relationships. I always thought it was a good thing, but that's just my opinion.
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 You didn't fail it a week ago. I just didn't know that women were so against equality in relationships. I always thought it was a good thing, but that's just my opinion. First, I reached over to UNLOCK (not OPEN) the door because I knew you'd flip out if I didn't. I paid attention to your needs and followed through. Secondly, women aren't against equality in RELATIONSHIPS. They're against YOUR definition of equality in terms of DATING. A man should call the day after sex because he understands her needs for reassurance, cares about her feelings, and wants to communicate to her that he had a good time and would like to see her again. As far as I'm concerned, in the initial stages of dating, men SHOULD chase and court and woo a woman, and women should respond positively. IMO, a man should open the door for a woman and NOT expect her to open another door (car or otherwise) for him simply because that's what MEN do when they are being chivalrous. To expect her to open your door right after you've opened hers is tit-for-tat, and removes ALL semblances of chivalry. Equality is about being treated as equals, not doing identical things and/or having identical expectations regarding certain ritualistic dating behavior. In my mind, equality means equally supporting one another emotionally. As for little "tasks", if I cook dinner, maybe you do the dishes. Or if you mow the lawn, maybe I give you a backrub. Not dinner-for-dinner, dishes-for-dishes, lawn-for-lawn, rub-for-rub, and *gasp* oral-for-oral.
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