thoughts ?

[funkybassplayer]

When my ex broke up with me (8 weeks now) she pleaded with me to be friends. I never wanted to,, but as she said i could still be part of her kids lives (who i was very close to) i agreed. Let me say at this point that as much as i know that this girl was not stable, and that i am better off without her, like so many we miss them, but im getting much stronger as each day goes by.

 

Anyway about 2 weeks after the split we were still quite intimate etc, but then she text me that she had been seeing someone new (at the same time that we were still intimate on the phone) So at her request i went into no contact (she said she will contact me) Anyway of course i was very upset at the fact that i could'nt call etc to say hi, but none the less to this day have been in no contact. I then sent back all her stuff, with no note, and walked away. There is not a chance that i will bump into her as it was a ldr. I feel pleased that i have respected myself too.

 

I cant help though but feel that a) i devalued our relaltionship by agreeing to be freinds, and b) that i have had no closure. i have to say that she did treat me in a bad way since the split, in wanting to be freinds then trowing me aside as the new guy was jelous. I have realised that this was all for her own self asteem to hear that she was still loved etc. I since seen her on msn, but just click off it etc, as i feel that im getting better, and starting to be me again. I know she was very self centered and h. maintenance. I guess the only thing i feel is that i had no real closure or never said bye to the kids, but in a way, i feel that for their sakes its better that im not in their lives, because they loved me, and i dont want to confuse them, and best to leave them all to it. Its been very hard, but im comming through it, and hoping that in the future, maybe i can be a freind. I know she will always talk to me, but i know that this can land me right back to square one. I guess i would still like her to know that i was there for the long term, and would have sold and moved up if she had delt with her issues, but ii dont think that she would have, so feel i did the right thing by staying put here. I guess im feeling a little down today as this day last year she helped me at a gig and im doing the same one tonight and i know it will bring back memories. Its funny but i feel if i log on msn, she 'll be there, but i feel i have been so strong over the last 3 weeks, and i dont want to slip back.

[Pixie-Minx]

Hey hun, well as you may have seen i did the same last night, and to be honests i wish i hadnt, untill your strong enough not to care if she is online or not, if she has pictures of her and her new man up their or not.. its really not worth it.

Closure can only come from you not the other person....im ashamed to say it took me 5 years to egt over my first love.. and how i did.. he cheated on his fiance with me. ( i could never hold him a pedestal after that) no im not proud of it but it worked.

Msn is a wonderful thing to hide behind, if she really wanted to talk to you she would call,

[funkybassplayer]

do u think i devalued he relationship by agreeing to be friends? Do u think i should email her to let her know that i did want the whole hog, and that i really loved the whole family lots? or should i just do what im doing and say nothing ?

[Pixie-Minx]

No i dont think you devalued it, i thinkyou showed you care. same as when people chase thier ex's for a while rather than sut walk away, it shows they think they are worth the fight, but she obviosly had lttle espect for you, you have now done the right thing by waking away.

 

No an email wont be right... not while she is seeing another at least.

 

She will know, what you wanted deep down, but she is chosing to ignore it at the moment.

[dbtmarley]

You say that you have moved on, but it sounds as if you are still emotionally attatched. When she said she wanted to be friends it sounds to me like this gave you hopes of something more. It's over and she has proved this by moving on with her life. Her breaking contact with you has nothing to do with the guy being jealous. It is about her respecting him, just as he should respect her.

 

Judging by your expectations, which by the way she owes you nothing, you are the self centered one here.

 

Work on you and getting yourself better. You say you are, but I think you are saying it just for the sake of saying it because you have contradicted every point of doing so in this post.

 

You also say she is unstable and make other claims as to why she is a bad woman.. So what gives? If what you claim is true isn't the break up a blessing?

[funkybassplayer]

yes ypur right just wanted to hear it. I feel that she has been really selfish in the way she treated me and my feelings, and it all points to her personality. How someone can cry and kiss you on the lips to be freinds, and say that they want to vist you and i can still be part of the kids lives, and me being of sane mind you feel you are very important to them, and then they just toss you aside is beyond me, and i think that its not the breakup, but the treatment i got sinse the spit that hurt me. I think the only language these people understand is the silent one. Im just having a small lapse in strenth today, as i know shes at home on her own thurs and fri, and the gig tonight and stuff. I am chatting with a great girl at the mo, but im sort of half into it, but will keep going for the time being. And ex new i was gonna get dating soon. Im having one of those days where im forgeting the bad and remembering the good times. BE STRONG....................

[funkybassplayer]

dbt read 'goodbye my lady' youll get the gist id like to hear what your opinion of this women is of her as a person. Yes you make some valid points and im on the up for a few weeks, but today i had a little downer. You can still love someone even though its not right. Yes im a little self centered, and yes i do miss the family. Im not sure how there getting on as last time she said he was contacting his ex, and i have respected that she has told me not to contact her for the new relationship. Thats why i havent contacted her. Im not saying im 100% never did but im doing what i have to do to feel better as fast as poss. Thats all we want....to heal.

[dbtmarley]

dbt read 'goodbye my lady' youll get the gist id like to hear what your opinion of this women is of her as a person. Yes you make some valid points and im on the up for a few weeks, but today i had a little downer. You can still love someone even though its not right. Yes im a little self centered, and yes i do miss the family. Im not sure how there getting on as last time she said he was contacting his ex, and i have respected that she has told me not to contact her for the new relationship. Thats why i havent contacted her. Im not saying im 100% never did but im doing what i have to do to feel better as fast as poss. Thats all we want....to heal.

 

 

I know buddy. Sorry if I came across as harsh. That healing process can be a real MFer. Just keep doing what you are doing and doing it for yourself.

 

Stay strong my friend..

 

Thomas

[funkybassplayer]

thanks. Can i add that at the time when we broke up, i brought up all the points about new relatiomships etc, i said when you get one you wont want to know. Her answer was 'u are important to me and no man will tell me who i can and cant be freinds with' etc, so i guess i felt that all that she told me at the time, about being freinds with the kids, and being able to visit and all the rest is what made me feel hurt and lyed to, because when i agreed, it was a hard thing for me to do because i told her that i didnt want to be freinds, that i wanted to walk away and remember our last day as being nice, which it was. (kissed on lips etc) I wanted to walk away with my head held high, but i was reduced to a shadow of myself because of this promise of a friendship. I f i would have did what i wanted to, i would have not known about this new guy, or would have had nice memories of the little girl, instead i have her crying ritchi come back.....she was 3 and we bonded , and i miss her so much, now she thinks i walked out on her. I gutted the spare room to make her a bedroom, that she loved, and was proud of , and it made me feel like a milloin dollors to do it. I would have not had to hear my ex girlfriend that i love telling me not to contact her because her new guiy hates it. That all F.....d me up big time. , I guess im a sensitive chap, and maybe at the time she ment it about being friends. But in any post, i never not once said that i never missed her, but i have come to know over the weeks that she was no good for me, and maybe i was no good for her.Maybe i could.nt give her the attention she craved, or that i felt less attracted to her because of her depression, and sleeping loads, bit i always loved her, and wanted to work through all this. I never knew i was on a time limit, i was there for the long run. Its hard trying to get over a whole family and a way of life that might have been, but i have to, and so far i have come to terms with the fact that i may never see or hear from them ever again, and that for me, is a hard thing to admit. To know that someone that you would have given your life for does'nt want me anymore, and maybe dont even care if im still alive. I never got the chance to slowely let go of my ex. because she got involved so fast with a new guy, and then hear her say that hes wonderful, and has money, something i never had, but spent my last pound on that family. iv had to Get over her and do it alone. I have no day job or friends in the area, so for 6 weeks been fighting all sorts of urges, like standing over the A12 and jumping! Even now i feel that i want to say sorry for all the things that maybe i should have done. I still feel like the loser, i lost the girl that i love for whatever reason. and now, slowley im begining to win, and im proud of myself for that, but im still at the point where the smallest thing, the sligtest let down and im back down again. All i have had were these boards to write to. I just want to feel good again. I have put the house on the market, and im going to start a new life ir try, but make no mistake, today is a hard day for me. I think to myself that any women who will look you in the eye and say get over your dads death, but will cry because he ex hubby sent her a text and im ment to be there and was there for her is not worth a f...

[Pixie-Minx]

my god, verything you said just went straight to my heart, you have totally described how i feel. wow

[funkybassplayer]

Thats why i feel like just picking up the phone or texting to say sorry for anything i have done wrong, but according to everyone, ill be weak...and all the reat of it. What do you think

[Pixie-Minx]

by the sounds of it tho, you really didnt do anything wrong you loved her, in every way you could, how can you say sorry for that for that?

[funkybassplayer]

I read that sometimes people who place a big responsibility on you can make you emotionally drained, and make you feel like crap after a relationship. I came along right after her ex hubby (who she would'nt divorce) moved out. I remember him texting her stuff and one thing he said was 'as long as you get what you want nothing else matters' She always said he was a low life, but im wondering if she drove him to being how she said he was. Im feeling like i have failed her. I also read that one of their traits are that they will keep you hanging until the next guy comes along, then they walk away. I wonder if thats whats happening with me. I mean she demanded sex at times to suit her, and went to clubs and got fixes from getting chatted up. And demanded that i called her at certain times. Am i feeling like this because its an after effect of her emotional drain on me?? I have been in lovely relationships in the past, but never felt like this before. I dumped her 2 months before she did me for all the resons mentioned, and she was crying to me, i wish i had walked away then. I think i have this gig tonight, where last year she helped me at, thats causing me grief too.

[Pixie-Minx]

most deffinatly you are feeling like this becuase of the burden she placed on you. You felt like uou were responisble for making sure she was happy and becuase for whatever reason she couldnt do that with you you know feel like you have let her down

You did nohing less than love her in more ways that many men will ever love a woman. you stood by her though bad as well as good, so there is no chance you have anything to say sorry for.

places, events smells people they all put a doner on things when they remind you of the one you have lost,so its proabably not helping matters.

 

I would never believe what she says about her ex... i learnt that becuase 2 differnet women have overlapped with me and my ex.. and they had full view of the online messages he was sending me..see my other posts.. so he must of been slagging me off behind my back to make them even concider going near him!

 

U have to realise, the way you feel now is yes a direct effect of her actions towards you..........she USED you...i hate to say it cos i hate hearing it myself... but i have seen get self respect for you, realise what you deseve (to be treated how you treated her) and then you will see that as much as you love them..they were not right at that time.

[funkybassplayer]

Maybe youyr right, but one thing when she was loving to me nothing was better (the first few months of the relationship she was a different person) I am starting to think that there are two reasons why she would'nt divorce the hubby.

1) Their are things that sh doesnt want to come out, and i know he wont agree to a divorce without taking it to the courts.

2) she seems to get a fix that he still loves her. like one day she said, he s never been happy with a new girlfriend since we broke up. I said why do you like that> She said no, but i think it made her ego big.

 

Behind all my pain, she does'nt know what im going through now, so i guess to her, i must look lie a really strong guy, worty now of respect!! Ill keep it like that. Like you say, in time she will know that i only wanted good, and the door is open, she knows that. When i get back from my gig, ill have a look at your posts, but we have bumped into each other on other posts with similar exp. Im trying to fighure out if im making excuses for me, or if there really was a problem with her mental stabiloty. I have read about personalitiy disorders, and she really does fit the bill! Ill let you know Pix how i coped at the gig tonight! x