Carbine Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 To all the other self-confessed 'jealous' women out there - is your jealousy confined to the relationship with your SO, or does it extend to your platonic friendships, relationships and interactions with men as well? Most of my friends and acquaintances are male. Logically, I know I shouldn't feel jealous or insecure when the issue of other attractive women comes up, but I just can't help it. Not only does it make me feel downright uncomfortable, it makes me feel as though I'm not valued as much as women that my friends desire. For example, the first time I went over to a close male friend's house he was showing me around and I noticed some posters from FHM magazine on his wall. I made a few disgusted comments about them. A few weeks later he asked me when I was going to come and visit him again and I said, "soon, but I'm not coming unless you take those stupid posters down". He was a bit shocked but agreed that he would. Another example was with a couple of friends from work who would sometimes talk about this girl from work they considered very sexy. I was extremely jealous of this girl and their talk would upset me. One night we were driving around and they kept droning on about how gorgeous she was, so I slammed my foot on the break in the middle of the street and snapped that they weren't to mention her name in my presence again or they'd be thrown out of the car and made to walk home. Yet another example was a few weeks ago when I was hanging out with my ex at his mate's house. This guy has a picture of a very hot, slim blonde women stuck on his fridge and it's always made me feel ugly. This particular time, I walked over and stuck a piece of newspaper over it with a magnet. The guy didn't say anything but my ex cracked the s**ts big time. My ex and I bickered over this for a bit, he seems to think I had absolutely no right to behave like this, but I tend to disagree. I mean, if it makes me uncomfortable and these guys know about my self-esteem issues, then why should I put up with it? Anyone else?
norajane Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 My ex and I bickered over this for a bit, he seems to think I had absolutely no right to behave like this, but I tend to disagree. I mean, if it makes me uncomfortable and these guys know about my self-esteem issues, then why should I put up with it?Because they are YOUR issues, and you should not be inflicting them on everyone in your life. It is not everyone else's job to walk on eggshells around you. You're supposed to be doing some work to get over your self-esteem issues, and that does not include forbidding people to talk about other women favorably, or to have pictures in their OWN HOME that you do not like. Just because you have issues, does not entitle you to try to control everyone around you. What you're doing would be similar to a vegetarian who goes over to a friend's house and complains because they have chicken in their freezer, and wants them to get rid of it.
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Before reading your post, I thought you were talking about same-sex friendships. With my girlfriends, I actually do get a little jealous on occasion. When I learn (usually after the fact) that two friends played tennis last night, or went to happy hour together, or are planning a vacation together, or hit an awesome sale together, or whatever, I get a little jealous - not sure why. Perhaps I envy their bonding time or something, because I want that too. But what you're describing with men is entirely different. It sounds like you're romantically interested in these men.
LoveLace Posted June 23, 2007 Posted June 23, 2007 I've felt jealousy with my platonic guy friends before. But I've always blew it off as a normal feeling..and realized it was more or less just comparing myself to the girl he's talking to..also normal...and I blow it off too. You have to practice pretending you don't care, and eventually, you really won't, I promise. My roommate is a guy and I get extremely jealous if he just talks to girls on the phone...and they are always girls much "hotter" than me...but I also have strong feelings for him, and we're pretty close so that's different from other guy friends. With him, I still manage to blow it off but it's harder to do. You can't let it get the best of you..or you end up making a fool of yourself. I consider jealousy a natural emotion, but it has to be controlled like other emotions...and in your case it sounds like it has a tendency to become anger..I've been there so I understand...but you can't let it get to that point. If you start to feel out of control, tell yourself over and over what makes you a great individual.
Sal Paradise Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 You need to get a damn grip. If I had a poster up of a hot woman and a female friend of mine demanded that I take it down or she wouldn't visit I'd tell her to stick it.
McFadden Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 You probably won't have friends for too long if you keep that up. I'm actually surprised the guy took the posters down and these people still want to hang out with you. You need to just think more highly of yourself and think youre better than the other women anyway, then you won't care lol.
mental_traveller Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 My ex and I bickered over this for a bit, he seems to think I had absolutely no right to behave like this, but I tend to disagree. I mean, if it makes me uncomfortable and these guys know about my self-esteem issues, then why should I put up with it? Anyone else? If I knew or worked with someone like you, I would make a point of mentioning any time I saw a hot woman, just to wind you up. IMO your behaviour is totally unreasonable and I think it's pathetic how your friends meekly put up with it.
PollyIvy Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I hate it when that happens! i mean when i get jealous over guy friends ogling over other women. I hate it because if i feel that way, i feel STUPID. I would never let anyone know, I would be so embarrassed to get caught feeling jealous. Embarrassed because I would either look immature, or would look like i wanted them to be attracted to ME. eek.
squeak Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Barring romantic feelings for the male friends, which would be correctly labeled jealousy, this is what I would categorize as alpha-female behavior, aka the Queen Bee phenomenem. Classic signs are the need to be seen as #1 in any social situation, especially in regards to other females, regardless of context. An establishing of inner social circle hierachy if you will. Some famous feminist author once said the truth is that most every woman's divine goal is to be surronded by males only and exalted by the circle of males with nary another female in sight, or in mind.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 I'm only jealous of my SO. As for my male friends....why would I be jealous or possessive of them?
squeak Posted June 30, 2007 Posted June 30, 2007 Also, it is hard to discern if the root is low self esteem or a huge ego! Nobody is ever one thing all the time, and much discussion takes place in wether it has roots in one or the other.
Recommended Posts