Miss_Bee Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 We attempted a talk... But got absolutely no where..... I am wondering if i was wrong here. I was hoping that someone could give me some insight behind the reasoning of this. My ex wanted to talk yesterday, I agreed so he came over and we talked alittle small talk. Then I asked him about his councilling. I asked him how it was going and who he was seeing, out of curiousity thinking at first maybe he was seeing my councillor... after finding her numbers by my phone before he moved out. He wouldn't tell me who he was seeing. He said it had no bearing on anything and the only reason I wanted to know was because he didn't want to tell me. Which isn't true. After he refused to tell me, I told him that our conversation wasn't going so well. Yeah I admit, that was a little petty of me, but it bothered me. First off, I wanted and asked for some proof that he was indeed seeing a councillor, he got angry when i told him this and stated that he was a man and didn't want to have to prove his word to anyone. Second, He said that he felt uncomfortable telling me who he was seeing... this totally contradicts him saying that it has no bearing on anything, now doesn't it? This also bugs me because he's told me his deepest darkest secrets, why would he feel uncomfortable telling me who he's seeing? Anyway this is as far as we got with our conversation. It went from this to IMing and him getting upset with me for acting petty and not acting like an adult because I wouldn't take no for an answer. It really bothered me because he would grill me about my sessions with my councillor. Yet, he refused to give me proof that he was even seeing one. He offered to tell me what was said, but not with whom. So, my question is, Am i acting childish and petty? Should i just let this go? Or should i get some sorta proof as to whether or not he's seeing anyone? It just bothers me that he'd hold something over my heard that he says has no bearing on anything.... If he really wanted to talk, and if my feelings mattered, why would he do this? Especially when he's told me EVERYTHING. He wants me to give, and open up. I just find it hard to do when he says he feels uncomfortable telling something so small like this... Know what I mean? Or am i being stupid here? Some insight would be gladly appreciated.
underpants Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I really think you need to put some space between you and him. He may or may not be in therapy. Even if he is, he has not begun to do the work on himself to be able to be a good partner to you. All you can do is work on yourself right now. The space and distance and continued therapy may bring you two together in a more healthy fashion.....MONTHS down the road. Or it may give you the much needed distance to see that he is not a healthy partner for you. I really think if you open yourself to another chance with him now or in the near future, the same patterns will repeat. You don't need to have contact with him while he is working on his issues, or you on yours. This hinders any progress more then your know.
Author Miss_Bee Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 I really think you need to put some space between you and him. He may or may not be in therapy. Even if he is, he has not begun to do the work on himself to be able to be a good partner to you. All you can do is work on yourself right now. The space and distance and continued therapy may bring you two together in a more healthy fashion.....MONTHS down the road. Or it may give you the much needed distance to see that he is not a healthy partner for you. I really think if you open yourself to another chance with him now or in the near future, the same patterns will repeat. You don't need to have contact with him while he is working on his issues, or you on yours. This hinders any progress more then your know. Your right Unders. I know it's pretty early to be discussing anything. Feelings are still pretty raw at this point. I knew that when I agreed to talk. But decided to do it anyway. I guess it was a mistake, given the fact that it just blew up in our faces. Regardless of the fact, this was the outcome and I guess I just wanted to know if I was being ridiculous.
Touche Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 No, you're not ridiculous. And I told you the same thing in a PM that Unders just told you. Even if he's seeing someone (and I think he's lying to you), doesn't mean you should be in contact with him now. He has a LONG road ahead of him before he's MB-worthy if you ask me. And yeah, why does he get to grill you about confidential matters said in therapy but he won't even tell you who the therapist is? He's a liar and a cheat and I don't even know why you want to talk to him anymore. Tell the loser to get lost. This is only going to get worse and worse, MB. I can GUARANTEE it...yep. And I almost never say stuff like that but this is a train-wreck. This guy is so predictable it's not even funny. I'll bet everything I have he's not seeing anyone. He's lying (and he's a known liar) so why believe him now? What would be the big deal about telling you who the therapist is?
Author Miss_Bee Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 What would be the big deal about telling you who the therapist is? See Touche, That's exactly what i was wondering. He said at first, that he felt uncomfortable about telling me who she was, which i really didn't understand. Because he's trusted me with things that could damage him, ya know? His secrets, and this is so small... That's what i couldn't get. Another reason was he said that it had no bearing on anything. If it had no bearing, why let it turn our conversation sour? Why why why? He just keeps telling me to let it go, but it's hard to let it go when i don't get the reasoning behind it at all.
Pyro Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 IMO, it was a waste of time to talk to him. He is not going to get any better in just a few days. For him to get better is going to take some time and effort and for him getting upset at you just by you asking him who he is seeing, well that shows just how much progress he has made already.
Author Miss_Bee Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 IMO, it was a waste of time to talk to him. He is not going to get any better in just a few days. For him to get better is going to take some time and effort and for him getting upset at you just by you asking him who he is seeing, well that shows just how much progress he has made already. Well, see I ended the conversation, by saying that it wasn't going so well because he wouldn't answer my question. I couldn't understand the reasoning behind why he'd feel uncomfortable telling me that tidbit, and also stating a different time that it had no bearing on anything. He didn't get upset until later when he came on IM. First disagreement we've had in a while, where it ended without an arguement. Well, i guess it did later in the IM session. You guys are all right though. I too, think that we seriously should give it a little time. Feelings are still raw. I guess it was a bad move on my part.
Pyro Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Well, see I ended the conversation, by saying that it wasn't going so well because he wouldn't answer my question. I couldn't understand the reasoning behind why he'd feel uncomfortable telling me that tidbit, and also stating a different time that it had no bearing on anything. He didn't get upset until later when he came on IM. First disagreement we've had in a while, where it ended without an arguement. Well, i guess it did later in the IM session. You guys are all right though. I too, think that we seriously should give it a little time. Feelings are still raw. I guess it was a bad move on my part. Time for what? To see if he is going to change and give him another chance? I hope that is not what you are referring to. The only communicating that should be done with him from now on should about the new baby and the new baby only. You two are finished and it needs to remain that way. Its the best thing for you and your kids.
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