This is what the guys need to know if they never want to end up on these boards again

[trent25]

Once again. Please read the post again. This has nothing to do with getting a girl or keeping her. It has everything to do with loving yourself and being a man who can walk away and bring self value to a relationship with a woman, this way of thinking lets you walk away from someone who doesn't love you or care about you.

 

Reading comprehension skills are important. Please read the post again. I don't expect many women to understand this, especially American women, but men who have done nothing wrong know what I am talking about. I am sorry that some people are not understanding what I am trying to say. Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

[trent25]

I just went to a bar last night and told every single girl there that I was NOT available and they could never have me!

 

I went home alone!

 

What did I do wrong?

 

 

This has absolutely nothing to do with what I was talking about. If you have problems understanding my post, please read it a couple times, maybe even four or five times, to get the point of what I am trying to say.

[alphamale]

It has everything to do with loving yourself and being a man who can walk away and bring self value to a relationship with a woman, this way of thinking lets you walk away from someone who doesn't love you or care about you.

This is one of the main principles I've always worked under...

 

Unfortunately many American men in particular have bought into the neo-feminazi propaganda that talks about "equality" and all that other baloney. It has effectively effeminated the "nice guy" who can't figure out how things really work with women.

[mental_traveller]

totally agree..i made that mistake once with a hot girl and got canned...She was so pleasant in every way before i knew it i was enslaved..haha..I really dont think theres anything you can do with really cute, hot girls...they know you want them and theres nothing you can do about it..they own you in a sense...you saying you dont want them is just a lie and they know it!

 

You don't "say" you don't want them. Actions speak louder than words, so just exercise a bit of discipline and act like you can take her or leave her. Then suddenly the shoe is on the other foot and you have no problem with the girl taking you for granted.

 

Just don't be surprised when "nice" girls & boys (and people on LS) start saying you are a jerk.

[frd150]

frd thats a bloody good point. it seems that all the guys on here are pretty cool and stable! maybe this should be a dating site!

 

 

FBP,

 

I even thought of making a movie based on this site. My friend is a screen writer in Hollywood he has worked on some big films.

 

I understand when you post about the little one missing you. In one fail swoop i lost an entire family that i became close to. I almost have to mourn that seperatly. You see my family lives over a thousand miles away in another state so i became use to spending most holidays with hers. We all got on great. They and their friends really liked me as i did them. I really miss the younger cousins they were a blast. I sponsor the local little league and ran in to one of the little ones at the field. He would not leave my side. He had alot of questions about my sudden absense. I am a guy that wants a family and kids of my own one day so this stuff tears me up.

 

Sad isnt it??

 

A dating site. HMMMMM. Or at least we should all meet somewhere in the middle. Good idea for a movie.

 

I hope everyones having a good day today.

[bish]

Im gonna get hang for this one, but women only understand JERKS.....

 

they don't understand them, they just go for them like Rosie O'Donnell for a Twinkie.

 

Then they are surprised when these "bad boys" treat them like dogshi!t.

 

THEN after they are tired of it, they swarm to the good guys. And this is when the good guy can and should be very selective.

 

But then again, if I knew a woman likes jerks, then I know I am not the person for them. Let the jerks have these types of women.

[Tormented]

Reading comprehension skills are important. Please read the post again.

 

You're preaching to the choir on this one, Trent. I'm a writer and fully grasp the importance of understanding the written word. But there is a HUGE difference between the lack of comprehensive ability vs disagreeing with the writer's conviction(s). I DO understand your point here, and although I agree with the basic gist of your message, there are a few statements that just didn't settle well with me. For instance...

 

I don't expect many women to understand this, especially American women, but men who have done nothing wrong know what I am talking about.

 

And why, exactly, do you find it difficult to expect "women...especially AMERICAN women" to grasp this concept? I know you didn't mean to offend any readers here, but bear in mind that such a statement COULD be interpreted as a slight to women's - especially AMERICAN women's - intelligence. MEN do not own a monopoly on the suffering dealt to the human heart after a painful breakup. Nor do they hold the "secret" key to the door of recovery, which, of course, begins with enough self-respect and self-love to pick yourself up, hold your head up high, and walk away without so much a glance back....just as you have pointed out.

 

What I take issue with is your assertion that this plan of action belongs to the "boy's club" because the girls "just don't get it." Especially so if they are donned in Red, White and Blue, right? Wrong. We women, even we AMERICAN women, completely understand the importance of retaining dignity and self-love in the face of rejection and heartbreak by one we loved deeply and was betrayed by. And I very much agree with you...it is best to walk away, to recognize and foster your self-worth. And you're right...the ex will usually do a double-take when we respond in this manner for several reasons...

 

It makes them wonder if they've made the right choice to let such a self-assured person go.

 

It's a blow to their ego to see you move on so smoothly with your life WITHOUT them.

 

But more importantly...you have now become a challenge to them, and that's always an attractive feature.

 

I am sorry that some people are not understanding what I am trying to say. Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

 

Naw, I understand what you're trying to say here. And as you can see, for the most part I agree with you. However, my fear is that the men here will read your advice and interpret it to say that should they act "aloof, disinterested, and perhaps even a bit arrogant," they'll win hands-down in the "romantic" arena. As a woman...and yes, an AMERICAN woman, I can assure you that they will find themselves tossed aside so fast they won't know what hit them. And no, this is NOT an American "thing,"...this is a WOMAN thing. We are oh-so-tired of men who play with our hearts, who lie to us, cheat on us, tell us they love us while looking over our shoulder in seach for "something" better in those greener pastures, and then walking away without so much as looking back at the ruins they have left us in.

 

So you see, we too share your pain and the lingering anger in the aftermath.

 

And finally, I do agree with you that one needs to walk away from a SO who abused them, betrayed them, treated them terribly for no apparent reason at all. It's the ONLY way to go if you hope to retain your dignity and self-worth.

 

However...it is NOT cool to do when you first meet somebody. Aloofness, indifference and disinterest in THIS stage will gain you nothing more than nights spent alone.

 

Hang in there, Trent. People like us will find a "special" love one day.

 

~T~

[Tormented]

Yeah, Tor, I missed you. How are you girl?

 

BTW, I love your post and couldn't agree more.

 

Hey Undie...

 

Doing good, but busy!

 

Met a guy just recently and he's gained my interest. Started out a little shaky at first, though. He wasn't, in my opinion, taking the necessary steps in the "getting to know you" phase. Wasn't emailing or calling that often, maybe once every week or so, and I interpreted this as disinterest on his part so I cut him loose. Doesn't seem to take much to turn me off these days, especially so after what my ex put me through.

 

He sensed that I lost my interest in him and asked me why. I told him why and now he's calling almost on a nightly basis, as well as sending me emails every morning. I think some men are just dense when it comes to these things and need it pointed out to them! :::laughing:::

 

Since then, things are blossoming but I'm taking it very slow.

 

Got a call from my ex on Thursday. We haven't talked for 6 weeks or better so I don't know why he called. Didn't leave a message, just hung up. I have no idea what THAT'S all about but I have absolutely no intention of calling him back. Our chapter is DONE. I have no interest in revisiting it and I wish he'd just leave me alone.

 

So how are things going in your world???

 

~T~

[Trialbyfire]

I just went to a bar last night and told every single girl there that I was NOT available and they could never have me!

 

I went home alone!

 

What did I do wrong?

:lmao:

 

Don't forget, you told them you were a MAN'S MAN...

[Quest]

"The statement trent made is something I have difficulty applying and I know it has to do with self esteem.

How can I raise my confidence and self esteem? I really dont know anymore"

 

Having firm boundaries in relationships and sticking to them gives you a lot more self esteem, even though it's hard to stick to them when you first put them in place. When a guy wasn't treating me well I used to think: "Why is he doing this to me?" and try to get him to like me more (which would make him treat me even worse).

Now I just think: "This isn't good enough, I'm moving on."

The result? My self esteem is better and I attract nicer men who treat me better. A win-win situation!

It's about placing a value on yourself, I think. You are worth somebody who truly values you ... and you have to value yourself to get this approach going.

How do you start valuing yourself? Do esteemable acts - behave compassionately to others, put effort into what you do ... all that stuff.