Trizb84 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 2 years ago i started a relationship w/ MM, didnt know he was married. when i found out i was more than a lil pissed, but managed to keep myself strung along, His wife eventualy caught on due to a carelessly placed phone bill. When she called, i acted as if i didnt know what she was talking about (having dealt w/ females in situations like this, i didnt want a repeat). So long story short, she found out, finally gave into his request for a divorce, and they are now separated. Things didnt work out between me and him (imagine that), altho we didnt get physical during the time they were still together (more of an emotional thing) she blames alot of the divorce on "what he did". I understand completly where she is comming from, and cant blame her for blaming him and "what he did" with me on the downfall of the marriage, however, I dont think she got the whole story, and i dont think she bothered to ask. Again, i cant blame her. But reading her blogs and seeing what she is still going thru, I feel for her, and have an urge to try and talk to her about what happend, and see if maybe it can help her with things now, b/c i know she blames herself. At the same time, its been months, and if any healing has gone on, I dont want to bring up something that dosnt need to be brought up. I know a good bit of this urge has something to do w/ me feeling guilty for what happend but either way, i know i'll live. On the other hand, she has had my number for quite sometime, as well as my e-mail addy and she hasnt said a word except for writing a blog that she knew i'd read.(in which it didnt state anything about wanting to get in contact) so i guess my question is... Should i contact her to see if she wants to talk about things or leave it be?
PoshPrincess Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 2 years ago i started a relationship w/ MM, didnt know he was married. when i found out i was more than a lil pissed, but managed to keep myself strung along, His wife eventualy caught on due to a carelessly placed phone bill. When she called, i acted as if i didnt know what she was talking about (having dealt w/ females in situations like this, i didnt want a repeat). So long story short, she found out, finally gave into his request for a divorce, and they are now separated. Things didnt work out between me and him (imagine that), altho we didnt get physical during the time they were still together (more of an emotional thing) she blames alot of the divorce on "what he did". I understand completly where she is comming from, and cant blame her for blaming him and "what he did" with me on the downfall of the marriage, however, I dont think she got the whole story, and i dont think she bothered to ask. Again, i cant blame her. But reading her blogs and seeing what she is still going thru, I feel for her, and have an urge to try and talk to her about what happend, and see if maybe it can help her with things now, b/c i know she blames herself. At the same time, its been months, and if any healing has gone on, I dont want to bring up something that dosnt need to be brought up. I know a good bit of this urge has something to do w/ me feeling guilty for what happend but either way, i know i'll live. On the other hand, she has had my number for quite sometime, as well as my e-mail addy and she hasnt said a word except for writing a blog that she knew i'd read.(in which it didnt state anything about wanting to get in contact) so i guess my question is... Should i contact her to see if she wants to talk about things or leave it be? I personally would leave it be. If she wants to know anything she knows where to find you but I don't think it would do any good opening up old wounds. I did the same as you when my exMMs W found out about us. It wasn't that I was scared of what she would do/say (she would have been well justified in whatever she had done) but I didn't want to drop MM in it or jeopardise the R we had. Stupid now, when I think about it. Now that we are finished, if she confronted me I would like to be honest with her. Saying that, I would hate to think that would ruin things for them if they were trying to get back on track so who knows?
Onelife Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Leave it be. As you stated that she has your contacts, if she needs anything from you she will contact you. IMO I don't think she would want to believe much of what you have to say anyway even though you feel that you want to help her. If anyone involved that she would want to hear from, it would be her H. It's nice that you want to help her though.
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I feel for her, and have an urge to try and talk to her about what happend, and see if maybe it can help her with things now, b/c i know she blames herself It's good that you empathize and sympathize for what she's been through, but in all honesty, you're not the right person for her to open up with. Why should she trust you? You didn't break up with MM as soon as you found out he was married - He led you on, lied to you, or just plain omitted the fact he had a wife...So, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you want to open up with the OW? My guess is no... Should i contact her to see if she wants to talk about things or leave it be? Leave her alone. The past is in the past, and all it's going to do is cause more pain, not only for her, but for you as well. Heal yourself, move on and don't look back. And stop reading her blogs if you can...By doing that, you're kind of hanging onto something that isn't healthy.
FavoriteHeadache Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Do what you believe to be best. You're the one that has to live with yourself. It's possible that if she knows the TRUTH that it will help her to see past all the emotionalism.
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