LoveLace Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Ladies and gentlemen...in your opinion: 1) Who should say I Love you first? 2) Would you or have you ever been that person, and do you think the outcome of the relationship was effected in any way? 3) I'm a woman with the impression that not many men are usually the 1st ones to say it..is this true? If so, then why?
curiousnycgirl Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I said it first - it took him a long time to say it (actually we were in the therapist's office the first time!) Once he did say it I knew he meant it - and he continues to show me all the time! We both know this will end in marriage. I don't think who says it first matters - I think it matters that you mean it when you say it!
alphamale Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 i don't know who should say "l luv u" first but I know the woman should ask the man to be exclusive (after 3 months of dating at least) the luv thing....i don't know. whomever breaks down first i guess
Author LoveLace Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 Your right Alpha it's almost as though the one to say it 1st might be viewed as the weaker of the two people. Or stronger, depending on how you look at it... I said it 1st to my high school boyfriend and it weirded him out at first, but we ended up engaged..life changes of course...but he never forgot the moment I said it, he talked about it a lot later. I'd love to hear it 1st, but saying it 1st is ok with me too. But as to when it's ok to say it, can differ between sexes. Good timing to a man may not have the same meaning for a woman, etc.
alphamale Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 But as to when it's ok to say it, can differ between sexes. Good timing to a man may not have the same meaning for a woman, etc. my general rule LL is to not say those 3 magic words before the six month mark. it works well for me cause most women I date don't even make it to the 3 month mark so its rarely an issue. Actually i've only told maybe 5 or 6 women that I loved them....thats out of the 35 or 40 i've been with. giggity
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I don't think it matters who says those words first.. The key is to only say them when you feel them... and don't hide the fact that you do feel them.. If you love someone then tell them...
alphamale Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 The key is to only say them when you feel them... and don't hide the fact that you do feel them.. If you love someone then tell them... agreed...excellent advice ART. I would also like to add that one shouldn't overuse the three magic words. Use them sparingly cause the more you say them the less weight they carry.
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Actually i've only told maybe 5 or 6 women that I loved them... My number is even less... other than my Mom I have only said I Love You to 3-4 other women.. and I meant it each and every time... what a sucker I have been Those words don't come out of my mouth very easily.. but my brother on the other hand told every girl he ever dated that he loved them.. and early on too.. I don't think he meant it.. he was just saying it
Author LoveLace Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 my general rule LL is to not say those 3 magic words before the six month mark. it works well for me cause most women I date don't even make it to the 3 month mark so its rarely an issue. Actually i've only told maybe 5 or 6 women that I loved them....thats out of the 35 or 40 i've been with. giggity That's probably a good rule, because even once you realize you love them, perhaps you should keep it quiet just a while, instead of blurting it out...in order to evaluate your feelings and prepare to express them..6 months is a good number..
alphamale Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 That's probably a good rule, because even once you realize you love them, perhaps you should keep it quiet just a while, instead of blurting it out...in order to evaluate your feelings and prepare to express them..6 months is a good number.. not only that LL...but you're also evaluating the other person to see if they love you...and that takes time. Its no fun saying those words to someone and then them saying back to you that they're not at that stage.
Author LoveLace Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 My number is even less... other than my Mom I have only said I Love You to 3-4 other women.. and I meant it each and every time... what a sucker I have been Those words don't come out of my mouth very easily.. but my brother on the other hand told every girl he ever dated that he loved them.. and early on too.. I don't think he meant it.. he was just saying it I do think it's easier for women than men...since are just more vocal anyway...so if a man does say it, I would happily accept even if it took a long time...
Author LoveLace Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 not only that LL...but you're also evaluating the other person to see if they love you...and that takes time. Its no fun saying those words to someone and then them saying back to you that they're not at that stage. That's the hard part, evaluating the other person...you have to look for it in their actions. Then you start thinking everything they do must mean they love you! So you get pretty confident...then something happens to make you feel like an idiot for thinking they love you...so your back to square one and its a continuous secret...an ongoing game..
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 but you're also evaluating the other person to see if they love you...and that takes time. Its no fun saying those words to someone and then them saying back to you that they're not at that stage. How true.. it's almost like a chess game... she just said she wanted to spent the rest of our lives together = checkmate .. The king gets killed by the queen.. You have to have some faith that the other person has those same feelings too.. I have always felt them out a week or so before laying it out there.. Not unlike asking someone to marry you.. who wants to ask someone to marry them only to hear no ?
alphamale Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 That's the hard part, evaluating the other person...you have to look for it in their actions. but time is also a factor, not just actions. If a couple has been dating exclusively for six months you can sort of assume there is some "love" going on....thats why saying it early is the kiss of death. Not unlike asking someone to marry you.. who wants to ask someone to marry them only to hear no ? time is a factor here to ART....there is an optimal "window" to ask someone to marry you and that is around the 2 to 3 year mark. if you ask earlier its bad and if you wait to ask later its also bad. 2 yrs is long enough to see if you're compatible and ready for marriage. And if the other person says no then you've only wasted 2 years.
alphamale Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Alpha's timeline continuum for relationships: Boy asks girl out; t=0Girl asks boy for exclusivity; t=3 to 4 months"I luv you's" are exchanged; t=6 to 9 monthsCouple learns more about each other, good sex; t=6 months to 2 yrsBoy asks girl for her hand in marriage; t=2 to 3 yrs.t=time
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 thats out of the 35 or 40 i've been with. That's it?!?!??!?!?!?!
Pyro Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Ladies and gentlemen...in your opinion: 1) Who should say I Love you first? 2) Would you or have you ever been that person, and do you think the outcome of the relationship was effected in any way? 3) I'm a woman with the impression that not many men are usually the 1st ones to say it..is this true? If so, then why? I'm with AC on this one. It doesn't matter who is the first to say it. If you TRULY feel that way, then you say it. I was the first to say it in my current relationship and we are going on 20 months.
Touche Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I agree with Rid and AC. The rest equals (=) T minus I want to throw up. I mean really. These time tables and all this talk about who says what first...pshawww...ridiculous. (I didn't say anything first though....H did..but none of that really matters.)
laRubiaBonita Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Alpha's timeline continuum for relationships: Boy asks girl out; t=0Girl asks boy for exclusivity; t=3 to 4 months"I luv you's" are exchanged; t=6 to 9 monthsCouple learns more about each other, good sex; t=6 months to 2 yrsBoy asks girl for her hand in marriage; t=2 to 3 yrs.t=time ALPHA.... surely this is not your timeline! i would think yours would be more like this: Boy sleeps with girl; t=0Boy asks girl out; t=0Girl asks boy for exclusivity; t=3 to 4 months"I luv you's" are exchanged; t=6 to 9 monthsCouple learns more about each other, good sex; t=6 months to 2 yrsBoy asks girl for her hand in marriage; t=2 to 3 yrs.
Carbine Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Oh come on, why does it have to be some sort of competition?? I don't really see the importance or relevance of who says it first, last or at all. But that's just me. I've only had one boyfriend, and I was the first one to say "I love you". I remember distinctly what happened, I can pinpoint the exact second I fell in love with him and when it happened, I simply told him so. It didn't alter our relationship in any way, shape or form, it wasn't a big deal to either of us and I don't see why it should be. Actions speak louder than words, and to me, love is demonstrated through actions rather than just verabalised.
allina Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 1) Who should say I Love you first? 2) Would you or have you ever been that person, and do you think the outcome of the relationship was effected in any way? 3) I'm a woman with the impression that not many men are usually the 1st ones to say it..is this true? If so, then why? 1. I have never said I love you first and have never been the one to ask to be exclusive. I don't think women should, and I don't think i ever would. 2. I never have been and never will be. I think relationships when the woman is first to say ILU or ask for commitment end up with the woman chasing after the man. This girl doesn't chase after men. 3. I have the opposite impression, though I'm not sure what the real story is.
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I feel silly for saying this... I've only said it to two guys, but I don't really remember who said it first... I think it was just really, really natural.
tanbark813 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Ladies and gentlemen...in your opinion: 1) Who should say I Love you first? 2) Would you or have you ever been that person, and do you think the outcome of the relationship was effected in any way? 3) I'm a woman with the impression that not many men are usually the 1st ones to say it..is this true? If so, then why? 1. Doesn't matter. 2. As far as I can recall I've only said it first once. And, no. 3. IME, it's true, but I have no idea why.
Author LoveLace Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 I'm agreeing it doesn't matter who says it first. The important thing, you must mean it. I'm still hung up on the evaluating of the person-thing. What if it's not someone your dating, but just friends with. That makes it harder to evaluate their feelings, and vice-versa. Friends-to-couple is a whole other ball game, though, I'm sure. Good replies!
alphamale Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 3. IME, it's true, but I have no idea why. cause many women are the 1st ones to fall in love and also the 1st ones to fall out of love...
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