Trialbyfire Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Yep, I agree with you. They're the ones who stand out because they're so different from the rest of the pack. And I was never interested in a guy who was just like the rest. In order to stand out in the pack, you need confidence and that kind of sexy male presence, one I can't begin to describe. I'm not talking about looks. I'm talking about something indefinable, something that says, "I'm a man".
Touche Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 In order to stand out in the pack, you need confidence and that kind of sexy male presence, one I can't begin to describe. I'm not talking about looks. I'm talking about something indefinable, something that says, "I'm a man". I agree. And what's funny is that it's quite an understated thing. It's not about any kind of "chest beating" kind of "alpha" behavior. It's way more subtle than that and you're right...quite indefinable.
Trialbyfire Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I agree. And what's funny is that it's quite an understated thing. It's not about any kind of "chest beating" kind of "alpha" behavior. It's way more subtle than that and you're right...quite indefinable. I could use one word to describe it, but that would be telling...
tanbark813 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 If the girl is really into you it doesn't matter when you call (within reason). So to the OP, she either didn't get your email, or she's not as interested as you thought she was. It's not uncommon. I'd say roughly half the time I get a number she's not really interested or she changes her mind or whatever. But if you make contact and she fails to return the contact, then move on and don't worry about the why's. Secondly, to the taken LSers on their high horses, my response would have been the same 6 months ago when I had a gf as it is now. So I guess the above only counted 6 months ago but now it's nonsense. That makes sense. Good call. What if a husband beat his wife everyday? Does that make his opinion more valid than a single guy who loves women? And finally, women tend to get pissed off at a lot of the guy's responses but you shouldn't take it so personally. We're the ones actually dating you and have more experience dating women and we know when we've been rejected and when we haven't.
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Now ... one factor that needs to be clear is that ATTRACTIVE women will respond differently to an early call back. Different than AVERAGE women. That's a fact! Don't get pissed OK - it's a fact. An ATTRACTIVE women is NOT as impressed with, early call backs, compliments, or any of those things. They get those things, all the time, from so many many guys. Telling her "you're attractive ... I'd like to get to know you ... I really enjoyed talking to you at the beach yesterday, etc etc." If you are less than very attractive, you won't agree with me. But if you are VERY ATTRACTIVE, you'll not only agree but might even say that getting hit on all the time is even annoying. This is a bunch of hooey. Not all attractive women are hit on "all the time." It takes a man with confidence to do that, and unfortunately there aren't many of them. Also, I consider myself attractive, and on a good day I'd go as far as to call myself "VERY ATTRACTIVE" and I couldn't disagree with you more. There are periods of time when I don't get hit on, and others where it's raining men...and I NEVER find it annoying. Who would find an ego boost annoying? Sheesh. Like oppath said, when a guy calls/makes contact soon, all I think is, "He likes me/he's interested." I don't think he's desperate. If a guy waits to call, I think, "Ah, he's playing that game." Whether he's really interested or I am really interested becomes immaterial, because I don't want to engage in any sort of game when it comes to matters of the heart. As the lyric goes, "Suckers lose themselves in the games they learn to play." It IS as stupid as I say it is. I'm not sure how old you are, I'm guessing 17-20 but you're missing my point. I'm also unsure of your experience with attractive women and I have my own guess about that. I know I'm attractive, it's okay if based on this post you don't think so, I know what I know and I'm not defensive about my looks. I get hit on a lot, and when I was single I dated a lot. I've seen all sorts of idiots try to pull all kinds of idiotic stuff with me to impress me. It just made me laugh, because what is impressive is a confident man who calls you when he wants to call you and doesn't need any sort of strategy to get women. I agree with you, Allina. (And for the record, Allina is gorgeous.) I have a tendency to believe Hugh is no older than 21.
TheSilentType Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Now ... one factor that needs to be clear is that ATTRACTIVE women will respond differently to an early call back. Different than AVERAGE women. That's a fact! Don't get pissed OK - it's a fact I don't have any solid evidence for this, but gut feeling tells me the same. There's always a difference in how people treat attractive and average people. I don't see why it should be any different regarding calling back after getting their number.
allina Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 (And for the record, Allina is gorgeous.) Thanks babe, right back at ya
TheSilentType Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 If the girl is really into you it doesn't matter when you call (within reason). I agree with this, although I don't think it works out like that in practice. I think there are girls that are interested in you, but if you don't follow through reasonably quickly then they do lose interest or get frustrated. I just don't understand why. The very fact that a guy would call you after getting your number means they are interested, even if the call comes after a couple of days. So if you know a guy is interested, why would you lose interest just because the call came after a couple of days. Lame.
oppath Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 The reason *******S pull lots of chicks (and they don't, only some do, and everyone else stands around complaining) is that (1) they ask the girl out (2) they escalate physically (3) they don't reveal too much too soon. Number 3 is different than intentionally being aloof. If you have a full life with passions, you have number 3 down. Other things in your life are more important than the girl early on, and that is attractive. Nice guys can do all those things too. They often don't because they care too much and look to others for affirmation. If they stop that, they can be nice as hell and will come in first place quite often. Attractive women only get hit on all the time in certain venues. If they are clubbing, partying, and working at a bar, etc, yes, they get hit on all the time. If they are grad students, lawyers, teachers, etc, they have other things going on in their life (number 3) that take priority and they don't intersect as many people. It shocks me sometimes to hear an attractive girl claim "I haven't been on a date in a month. I'm nervous, I've been out of it so long." A month?!? Has there ever been a month where you had to change jobs, go to physical therapy, study for a certification exam...point is, I know really attractive women that have gone through several month dry spells. Why? Because they decide to focus on their career for a few months, or other reasons. Even some of the pickup guru's have been changing their tune the last couple years, going from "wait 3 days" to "call whenever, what matters is what you say and how long you try to talk."
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I agree with this, although I don't think it works out like that in practice. Uh, isn't that all that matters? Theory gets you nowhere. Application does. I think there are girls that are interested in you, but if you don't follow through reasonably quickly then they do lose interest or get frustrated. I just don't understand why. The very fact that a guy would call you after getting your number means they are interested, even if the call comes after a couple of days. So if you know a guy is interested, why would you lose interest just because the call came after a couple of days. Lame. I'll tell you why they lose interest or get frustrated. Say you meet a girl/go out with her, and she really likes you. If you wait to call after meeting her/going on the date, she will think one of two things: (1) you're playing a lame game, or (2) you're not as interested as she is. A smart woman doesn't want to be with someone who's a game player or not as interested as she is, and is wise to end things quickly.
Touche Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I could use one word to describe it, but that would be telling... Come on, tell us TBF! (I have a feeling I know though anyway:p) It's funny how so many men and women disagree on this whole issue. Maybe it's a personal thing, you know? What works for one woman (waiting 3 days) won't cut it with another.
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Can you say B-I-M-B-O? You know the type don't you? Blonde hair, big fake boobs... (No offense meant to anyone who fits the description of course.) Certainly you're not saying that saying that a B-I-M-B-O is a blonde with big fake boobs, right? If you're into a girl, then be into her. Don't screw around with it, because you'll end up giving her mixed signals. Mixed signals are ok if you're trying to manipulate them. But if you want them to like you for who you are, then just be who you are. But it's surprising sometimes how much it means to a woman to know you have no reservations. Brilliant.
TheSilentType Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 If you wait to call after meeting her/going on the date, she will think one of two things: (1) you're playing a lame game, or (2) you're not as interested as she is. Does no one give another person the benefit of the doubt these days? What if the guy is shy? Lets face it, getting a number does not indicate that this person is madly in love with you. So it's not just about giving a call - its also about facing a potential rejection. Also, what if there was some unforeseen event - emergency - that occurred and the guy was preoccupied with it. Then you're just going to write him off because you didn't get your call in time. So self-absorbed.
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 It's funny how so many men and women disagree on this whole issue. Maybe it's a personal thing, you know? What works for one woman (waiting 3 days) won't cut it with another. When discussing the impact of waiting to call on a woman, shouldn't the woman's opinion carry the most weight? She's the one waiting for the call and deciding how to react when/if she receives it. Sure, guys have their opinions based on their past experiences. They wait because they want to play it cool, they wait because they don't want to be rejected after making their interest known, etc. And some claim waiting to call worked for them in the past...but did it really? Did they have a more difficult time with her in the beginning establishing trust and intimacy than they would have if they had - as Johan does - made it clear that they had no reservations and weren't into playing games? Probably so. They seem to wait based inherently on a fear of rejection - but does that fear really make a strong, confident man? I don't think so.
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 What if the guy is shy? ... So it's not just about giving a call - its also about facing a potential rejection. Shy is not confident. Fearing rejection is not confident. Lacking confidence is not attractive. A woman is less likely to respond positively to such a man. Then you're just going to write him off because you didn't get your call in time. So self-absorbed. Write him off? No. But huge doubts will be flying overhead. If these are the reasons why he's not calling/waiting to call, there's a larger problem than the wait for the call itself: (1) He's shy. (2) He's afraid of rejection. (3) He's playing it cool. (4) He plays games. (5) He likes to manipulate the situation. (6) He doesn't care about her feelings. I'm fairly certain that most worthwhile women are not interested in men who are any of the above.
tanbark813 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Shy is not confident. Fearing rejection is not confident. Lacking confidence is not attractive. A woman is less likely to respond positively to such a man. Write him off? No. But huge doubts will be flying overhead. If these are the reasons why he's not calling/waiting to call, there's a larger problem than the wait for the call itself: (1) He's shy. (2) He's afraid of rejection. (3) He's playing it cool. (4) He plays games. (5) He likes to manipulate the situation. (6) He doesn't care about her feelings. I'm fairly certain that most worthwhile women are not interested in men who are any of the above. Interesting that you only attribute waiting to possible negative reasons when it could be any number of reasons, even positive. If a girl writes a guy off after waiting 2 days instead of one, she's too high-strung and demanding and doesn't realize that not all people operate on the exact same timetable. Besides, there's no guarantee that when you call that girl she's even going to return the call so why even get caught up in the details of "oh sh*t, it's been 25 hours now". Worthwhile women tend to be more flexible. Flexibility is a very attractive quality in a potential mate.
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Interesting that you only attribute waiting to possible negative reasons when it could be any number of reasons, even positive. If a girl writes a guy off after waiting 2 days instead of one, she's too high-strung and demanding and doesn't realize that not all people operate on the exact same timetable. Besides, there's no guarantee that when you call that girl she's even going to return the call so why even get caught up in the details of "oh sh*t, it's been 25 hours now". Worthwhile women tend to be more flexible. Flexibility is a very attractive quality in a potential mate. Yikes. The same timetable or "pace" and/or understanding of one another's "pace" is what makes two people compatible. Most, if not all, of the women within this thread agree with the points I have made. Women prefer an earlier call, and hoping and expecting a guy who's supposed to be interested to call sooner than later does not make a woman demanding or high-strung, or any less worthwhile of a mate than anyone else.
Trialbyfire Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Yikes. The same timetable or "pace" and/or understanding of one another's "pace" is what makes two people compatible. Most, if not all, of the women within this thread agree with the points I have made. Women prefer an earlier call, and hoping and expecting a guy who's supposed to be interested to call sooner than later does not make a woman demanding or high-strung, or any less worthwhile of a mate than anyone else. You know what? I see a guy who waits to call, as someone who wants to jack around with me. Not worth my time.
tanbark813 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Yikes. The same timetable or "pace" and/or understanding of one another's "pace" is what makes two people compatible. Most, if not all, of the women within this thread agree with the points I have made. Women prefer an earlier call, and hoping and expecting a guy who's supposed to be interested to call sooner than later does not make a woman demanding or high-strung, or any less worthwhile of a mate than anyone else. D'oh.. I forgot men aren't allowed to have feelings or opinions while dating. I keep forgetting that...
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 You know what? I see a guy who waits to call, as someone who wants to jack around with me. I do too, particularly if he knows I'm smitten. Then I'm like "WTF?" I forgot men aren't allowed to have feelings or opinions while dating. Where exactly was this said? If anything, the opposite has been said. Women want their men to SHOW those feelings - by CALLING.
GregsBad Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I know I'm attractive, it's okay if based on this post you don't think so, I know what I know and I'm not defensive about my looks. It's OK ... no need to get defensive about your looks. But what you wrote did sound a little like it was coming from a girl who isn't getting hit on enough to find it annoying. There ARE women who are annoyed by constant hitting. I even find it a little annoying. I can't even go to the market without some chick asking me to help her reach the beans. She needs to do a little better than that. a confident man who calls you when he wants to call you and doesn't need any sort of strategy to get women. There's no such thing as not needing a strategy to get women.
tanbark813 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 If anything, the opposite has been said. Women want their men to SHOW those feelings - by CALLING. And if these women are so insistent upon immediate contact then they should also return said call(s), otherwise they're hypocrites. Not all guys wait because they're manipulative a**holes. Some have very good reasons. Some of you women need to lighten up a bit.
GregsBad Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 And if these women are so insistent upon immediate contact then they should also return said call(s), otherwise they're hypocrites. Not all guys wait because they're manipulative a**holes. Some have very good reasons. Some of you women need to lighten up a bit. Bingo! Some guys do these things because the LIKE the girl. And want to succede
Author Huntr777 Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 Let me say a few things... First of all, I didn't get her phone number because honestly, I only was able to make a little bit of small talk, where are you from, how often do you come here, I like the wrap you're wearing, etc. When it clouded over I just thought to myself I'll see her next time...but something inside me said don't trust that, get her number or email. I only said email because since we didn't chat all that long that asking for her phone number might be a bit pushy. So instead I asked for the email, for better or for worse. I've found that some women actually prefer email because it's not too intrusive and they check their email more than their phone messages (I know that is true in my case). Plus let's not forget that I could have gotten her number, called her, and not received a call back either. Same outcome either way. Second of all I've actually run across women that were pleasantly surprised that I called within 24 to 48 hours after meeting them (surprised that I didn't play games like most guys do by making them wait), and I've also met women that if you called them before 72 hours, well then you're insecure and needy and they're like, later for you. It all depends on the woman. Now, I've also met guys who purposely waited (either because of shyness, or they play games). Honestly I'm not sure what's up with this girl, but hey there are plenty of other fish in the ocean and babes on the beach. There were other guys that I'm sure got her number and maybe she's just waiting some of them out, overwhelmed, or perhaps maybe just not that interested. I'm not trying to get too deep here with 2nd guessing, I took a chance on the beach with a really pretty girl I met. As I said before I'm just getting back into the swing of dating and wanted to post a question and I've had some great advice. H777
tanbark813 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 And also, do you women own phones that don't allow outgoing calls? What about this equality you're so big about? If you want to talk to the guy, there's always *gasp* the option of calling him.
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