My ex girlfriend wants something.. Why?!?

[swl]

Now me and my x had a deep loving relationship for 5 years which has been over for about 7 years now. She had two kids from 2 previous relationships. two kids in which I come to love deeply as well as her. When we medt the girl was about 7 and the little boy had to be about 3 to 6 months.. I try to forget this because it hurts to think about them. She was with me when I lost my last remaining parent and I was with her when she lost her older brother to aids who was actually the breadwinner in the family. the brother was a drug dealer and the two fathers of the children were drug dealers as well. OK! (Note: The woman who dates the drug dealer who has kids.. Then later on in life she deals with a working man with no kids who can't match a drug dealers paper and lifestyle.. A genuine baby momma should recognize that if she truely has matured and agree's to participate in a relationship like this. So should I to some extent.) Nonetheless, this was my new family since I lost my last remaining parent. Past asside. In conversation during this 5 years she told me that she had abortions before and would never have another abortion again in her life. I'm like OK.. I don't plan on having an abortion either. Which is why I alway's took the proper steps not to ger her pregnant.

 

Working in the tech field, work comes sparingly. I did good in the mid 90's to 99 then it was contracting so work came sparingly. Nonetheless, it's still hard suplementing income from two kids that weren't mine. I did it though. they had the best I had to offer and never wanted for much. As time went on our communication broke down due to her wanting to get married and wanting me to mover where she was and vice versa. I wanted to get married but, money and communication wassn't getting any better because I'm working to pick up the pieces an only child had to deal with after his only remaining parent dies and you got a single mother of two with help from me.. which is not enough because of what she's use to with the fathers.. COME TO FIND OUT. THE BROTHER WHO GOT AIDS WAS ACTUALLY PAYING MOST OF HER BILLS. THE BABY'S FATHERS DIDN'T WORK SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT. Needless to say our communication wasn't good enough for us to relocate. Finally we get to a point that she wanted to move here and I got paperwork for a larger apartment and looked for schools for the kids we had an all our war .. She would up going our with another dude to dinner and of all people the little boy told me about it. So to put a long story short I put the relationship on pause. We talked it out for 3 months (oh it was just dinner it was a mistake I still love you and I didn't blah blah blah). Within that time she wound up getting with another dude. I still don't feel secure within this relationship to continue on But, I lover her. She stopped seeing dude and we kept it cordial and talked on the phone so I could regain trust... I wouldn't allow her to come see me and I wouldn't go see her. So we decided to spend the holiday's together. Oddly, still something wasn't right.. Right after Thanksgiving she called me and told me she had to get an abortion by this dude.. WWWOOOOWWW!!! So I promptly threw out all of the memories we collected and tried to writer her off. Still, I let the new year come in and tried to forgiver and forget because I loved her but, we knew it would never be ther same. I knew I didn't want my life to tourn out this way so weeks turned to month we hung on loosely for a year. Long story short it takes black people a year to really break up. Worse came to worse next xmas and I had to nerve FINALLY to dead it on Xmas eve with her babies father standing in the living room (WTF was he doing there) he comes by and drops off toys for the last 5 years.. So it made it easier to break it off.. My presents made him leave after 15 minutes.. But, I admit I was tight he stayed that long.. He hadn't spent 15 minutes with his child since he was born.. Let's just say it was a very ugly break up and the cops had to come.. She sat on my lap after I broke this down to her crying.. We can't be together anymore.. This fool pulled a knife on me.. after she tried to hit me and missed I caught the punch and lead her into a wall. She finally let me leave.

 

NOW.. onto the most important part of my problem as I see it today. 7 years later. I have changed my number and tried desperately to move on with my life and then I get a call from an unavailable number. Low and behold it was her telling me that she wanted to call to see how I was doing (Bull**** between you and me). The call went like this: Within the midst of me asking her repeatedly why in the hell is she calling me and how did she get my number, she kept saying I just wanna see how you are doing. Ok so I calmed down and found out how she got my number. So she jumps in and starts on her achievements. Also telling me to relax she didn't want me any more and she finished school and got married. Being married was one of the last things she revealed in the convo. I politely said congrats and was happy because she wasn't gonna get on my nerves any more.. Again God bless you and congrats with a big smile on my face and I'm sure she could hear that I was genuinely happy. Now there's nothing but, silence on the phone when she was talking a mile a minute. So I ask is that it? Still nothing.. she say's yeah.. Ok so I hung up..

 

3 weeks later I get a hand written letter stating that she is writing as she alway's does to see how I am doing.. (YEAH RIGHT)... Letter reads.. I'm writing to see how you are doing. I still look like I'm 24 and the kids are doing well. Oh, how I wish you could talk to them and that she didn't have any more kids and that she understands if I don't wanna talk to her ever again but, if I ever feel the need to she gives me an email address. She then signs the letter I will love you alway's.. Donna

 

So I reply to the letter by email. I think it's very disrespectful to me and your husband to be contacting me. We don't have nay children or abourtions together just history please don't contact me anymore. her reply comes back under her married name email address.. I'm still crazy and to loose her email address. Mind you thisdidn't stop her from also replying in later responses that she ignored the nasty things I said and wrote pages of emails explaining where she went wrong and let me know her OLDER AIDS infested brother was slanging and using drugs and paying for the things she needed.. She's sorry she never told me and put so much pressure on me to give her money... Basically at the time we were having so much trouble.. Her brother was dying and that drug money was running out so she tried to put these demands on me.. This is her part to the all out war we had before the abortions.. JESUS.. All this ish is enough.. I have been thinking about her for years.. Don't wanna be with her don't wanna talk to her but, deeply love her. She has said I'm sorry till she's breathless.. I'm not convinces she even know's what to be sorry about.. She was my friend.. Needless to say I shut down the email address she was contacting me on and so did she. I see she tried to contact me through reunion.com

 

This has affected me terribly. What should I do that I haven't already done.

[funkybassplayer]

HI god, what a situation. I know how it feels an ex with kids, mine had 3 that i deeply miss. She is out of order contacting you as shes married and as you say is showing more disrepect to both of you (hubby) . I would maybe accept her sorry's and tell her to leave you alone. maybe she is guilty and want to hear that you forgive her, even as you say its all history and in the pass. I think then send back or block any emails etc, as she will mess up your head and you really dont need that. Her brother, her kids etc are not your problem, and its up to her husband to support her now not you (of course you know that but she does'nt!). You have to lose her, as she sounds a bit well strange, and you just dont need her back in your life as you are doing well without her......good luck.

[swl]

Thanks funkybassplayer.. How ironic is it that I play bass as well. My father played for Lloyd Price back in the day.. and passed it down to me.. Upright and Electric fender along with piano lessons.. Nonetheless, yeah seems like you know where I'm coming from and I took the steps you suggested already. Tell me how you've dealt with it and share your situation with me.. Maybe it will help me work out some of my unresolved issues with missing her so much because it's not productive to me in my life or current relationship.

[funkybassplayer]

ill try. At first i missed my ex and her kids so much, i still do but not as much, i lost the urge to call her, but i really took time out and i cryed, sulked felt crap. Since she got strait into another relationship after we split, I contacted her just twice in the 8 weeks since we split, but the turning point for me came when i had to take back my life, I sent back her stuff with no note. I really felt that i took back control of my life, and from that point, i began to see her for what she was............hard work, selfish, and self centered and needing contant attention from anybody that would care to give it! So now i just think thank god i never sold my house to move in with her. And now it was so obvious that she had a real personaity problem but at the time, never saw it. It took just 6 weeks to realise this, and because i had so little contact, i had time to think about things. I do miss the kids, but thats just something that i have to get over and i think about them less and less, and feeling that now she lost me! I was doing a gig on saturday, and i thought how cool is this, and how much she loved to watch me play and that her new guy works in a food factory (but im sure he does a mean fried egg).

 

Would you want to be with someone who says that after 4 years i should be over my dads death (v.tines day i was upset, thats the day he passed away) That was one tiny thing.....who wants that for your partner!

 

What year is the fender? Is it a jazz? Thats what i want again. years ago i had a lovely 72 jazz and sold it.....ahhhh! Anyway at the moment im chatting with a cute little welsh babe. It may still be too soon for me to get in a new relationship, but at the moment, i like her!

 

have a look at the site www.bsharpduo.co.uk

[swl]

I can't tell ya what year of fender it is.. I sold mine as well. But, I'm sure it was a Jazz base if anything.

 

Thanks so much for the advice and sharing..Brah!