wayderz Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Okay, my situation is this... Last week this guy told me he liked me, and we have been talking and went to the movies and dinner blah blah blah...he said he had a great time and so did I, and I thought things were fine. But the next day he was depressed about something in his family and emailed me "I'm sorry I don't think this is going to work out" I asked why and he said "I just have too much stress in my life right now to hold a relationship,I still want to be friends..and thank you for showing me there are still good people in the world". This is where I made a mistake.... I kept pushing myself on him to explain to me whats wrong, and why it wouldn't work out(because I was a bit upset at it). He kept replying that he couldn't say and that no one could help him, and I kept trying to get it out of him. Eventually we stopped and I just gave up, but now he wont even talk to me. I can sympathize with him being depressed, and want to give him a little while to cool down and get his head together, but I want to know how long I should wait before trying to apologize again and possibly start a relationship. Also, I need to know what to say...I am a very meek and shy person, so when it comes to words I am at a loss. I like this guy A LOT, he is really nice and sweet and he seems so perfect for me, at least when he isn't depressed...so I really want to try thing with him. Can someone please please please help me >.< _______________________ In case you didn't understand, the problem is I tried sticking my nose where it didn't belong and forced myself upon him and need to find a way to nudge him in the direction of thinking I'm not a complete loser. _______________________ P.S. This is a GuyxGuy relationship.
Steveto Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I don't think you totally screwed up. When he said to you that it was personal, you were RIGHT in trying to push the matter and find out what exactly was the matter, BUT no more than 2-3 times tops, then leave it as it is. People have their limits. Like if you took a guy out to dinner and you offered to pay, he said no, I pay and back and forth back and forth till both get pissed off..hehe..just gotta know when to cut it and leave it as it is. He's obviously got something heavy on his mind that he feels is a BIG problem to him and to drag you into it, is not the right thing to do. He sounds like an ok guy because a weak guy would drag you into the situation to make him feel better (kinda selfish). I would send him an email once in a while saying...I hope you're fine..blah blah..if you need anything I am here..If you need someone to talk to or vent at just let me know. just let him know that you are still thinking about him...Guy/girl Guy/guy..doesn't make a difference. That's my 2 cents. Steve
Author wayderz Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 I've tried that, but he has been ignoring me and wont reply. I have sent 2 emails, one that said "I'm sorry and I'm here for you" which his friend had told me made him think I was trying to rush things..and the second apologizing for trying to butt in. Yet he still hasn't replied. I'm thinking of trying to see him face to face this friday at the place him, I and our friends hang out, pulling him off to the side for a second and telling him "look, I'm really sorry for trying to push myself on you, but your my friend and I do care about you..." but I also want to drop a hint that I still want to try things with him. Any ideas?
Poboy Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 you have tried your best and if he still hasnt come around , its not worth it. he obviouslly has some issues he needs to deal with. let him be and you move on too n see other people. if he realises what he's missing out on & comes back then it great for you. dont wait around, for you dont know if he will.
Steveto Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 No, this is not one of those quick fixes..send a couple emails and done..you start dating in a month..The way this sounds..it looks like you're gonna have to have quite a bit of patience. Like maybe even years. I did that once with a girl..but I continuously sent her email for 2 years..one about every 4-6 months..but she was an oddball really..she was like I really thought you were mad at me..anyway...she had things she had to work out on her own and I was just tehre sending her emails..mostly just to remind her that I haven't forgotten about her. Ok, that is a looong sotry, so I won't get into the details with her and I, however...cool it for a bit...really..you have mutual friends it seems, so you will always be able to check up on progress..he will break out of the funk..THEN you approach him and say hey..sorry..blah blah..let me buy you a drink. I am telling you..this dude is far from ready for a relationship... It's always better to hear advice then to take it. I've got issues of my own..don't like the answers, but I am almost thinking they are right..and yes...it damn well sucks.
Author wayderz Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 Lol, well it is either him or go back to my cheating ex, which ISN'T going to happen. I come from a place where there are not many guys, and the ones we have are all *cough*......anyways lol. I think I will wait a few weeks, send an email, see if he is interested still then go from there. I really do like this guy, and wether he is ready or not, I want to be there for him and make him happy. I'm an odd one I know :/. And Poboy, I don't give up xD lol...ever. I am a committed fellow. I've seen the types of guys there are, I've gotten to know them and have been repulsed, amazed and even though I've fallen in love, but this guy is a lot different from anyone I've ever met in my life...and he is the first guy to make me feel happy and comfortable while I am around him. :/ I guess I'm just like an infatuated school girl, but I can't help how I feel sometimes lol.
sveltskye Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 A similar thing just happened to me. (I wrote a long post about it here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t121083/ if your interested). The thing is, he's obviously scared to be in a relationship with you already, so you don't want to establish yourself as a clingy or pushy person in his mind by pursuing him too much. You'll scare him off even more. Since he won't open up to you enough to tell you what's really up, you'll just have to be patient. You can't try and convince him of anything or talk him out of it because he won't let you know what's up. He's made the choice for both of you, and there's nothing you can do about it except be there for him as a friend and be patient with him. Show him that you're the kind of person he'd want to be with when he's ready. I was so tempted to contact the guy that I wrote about in that post but I'm glad I backed off for a few weeks. Now he's contacted me and I know that it wasn't on account of my being clingy.
RubyDeluxe Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 A similar thing just happened to me. (I wrote a long post about it here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t121083/ if your interested). The thing is, he's obviously scared to be in a relationship with you already, so you don't want to establish yourself as a clingy or pushy person in his mind by pursuing him too much. You'll scare him off even more. Since he won't open up to you enough to tell you what's really up, you'll just have to be patient. You can't try and convince him of anything or talk him out of it because he won't let you know what's up. He's made the choice for both of you, and there's nothing you can do about it except be there for him as a friend and be patient with him. Show him that you're the kind of person he'd want to be with when he's ready. I was so tempted to contact the guy that I wrote about in that post but I'm glad I backed off for a few weeks. Now he's contacted me and I know that it wasn't on account of my being clingy. he didn't hit you did he?!?!?
sveltskye Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Um... I think you should be posting on my thread. But no, he didn't... why? *confuzzled*
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