NoIDidn't Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Hi All I was reading through some old threads looking for Chump64's old stuff and found this at the end of a locked thread she was posting on. I really liked Chump64. She posted when I was mostly lurking. Too bad she doesn't post anymore. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=812728#post812728 I wonder what happened to that Mod. I think LS would be really boring if what was recommended was done.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I have conflicting opinions on this. I have read sites for OW that are closed and since they were closed I had no inclination to post. As a BS I have trouble empathizing with OW in some of their heartbreak threads. I think, you knew what you were getting and now you are willing to blame everyone but yourself for your pain. I also have read some BS threads where I am fairly familiar with the poster and I can realize from the thread or even my own offboard knowledge that this person is in crisis and along comes an OW who says the most hateful hurtful things. I'm thinking NO NO, you don't understand, she's not ok right now, save it for later. Knowing that these forums are open though we take our chances when we post. I imagine on a closed infidelity board I would be much more forthcoming but since I know what is going to come out or be said (I've read all the archives within the last two years) I limit my feelings and what I post to avoid these types of situations as they apply personally to me. IDK, I have learned alot from some of the OW on this board, but I could probably do that on a closed board without injecting my opinion. I think it can be beneficial both ways but the OW always have the other place if they don't like it here I guess, I haven't found a closed infidelity board though with this much traffic. I also have received much insight from a few posters who are neither!
Author NoIDidn't Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 Wishes, I am confused. You think I'm an OW? Nevermind I re-read it[b/] They are always trying to kick US off THEIR board. I just want to know if the OW/OM really mean it when they say it. ETA: I have learned tons from them. Not just about As but myself as well. I think it would be a pity if LS decided to close the board only to those involved in As. But I was hoping for more lightheartedness. We do get heated sometimes. The thread I got the quote from was pretty brutal.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 No, NO, I just have conflicting opinions. I thought to myself today while reading a thread on infidelity, gee, these OW should stay off this board in threads like this one where the poster is obviously in crisis as opposed to just kicking around some thoughts, THEN I thought, well that's not fair, we are all over their board, when some of them are in crisis (deserved or not). I just see that there are advantages to both closed and open boards. As it stands though, there really is no reason for the separtation! Am I explaining myself well? I haven't slept in two days so I'm just a little blurry eyed!
Author NoIDidn't Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 Wishes That's the same thing that I felt!! LOL!! I felt like such a hypocrite for not wanting the OPs posting on infidelity. My feeling was, and I KNOW I will get flamed for this but, here are people facing REAL pain (the betrayeds) and the OPs should really stay in their place. Then I was like, but we are all over their board. But then, I thought, but they volunteered. But then...and then....and then.... So yeah, I completely get the conflicting emotions. Thanks for keeping me honest.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I think maybe the answer is a little human decency and compassion and I think MOST people start off that way (BS or OW) then something gets said that ignites a spark or sets someone off (I could list the things that do it for me) and then the sh*t hits the fan!
whichwayisup Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I think if people kept in mind just common courtesy and respect, most of the mud slinging would stop. Unfortunately though there are posters that come and go and will continue to come and go who love to needle, push and cause arguments. I think most of the time the BS's and OW's now a days DO respect eachother, enough to know NOT to push it to the limit. Either on this section or the other section. New posters that come kind of need to slowly make their way in and be trusted.
Tomcat33 Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 No, NO, I just have conflicting opinions. I thought to myself today while reading a thread on infidelity, gee, these OW should stay off this board in threads like this one where the poster is obviously in crisis as opposed to just kicking around some thoughts, THEN I thought, well that's not fair, we are all over their board, when some of them are in crisis (deserved or not). I just see that there are advantages to both closed and open boards. As it stands though, there really is no reason for the separtation! Interesting observation, predictable inclination really...but at least in the end fairness prevails. Glad to see that. People do and always will protect what is dear to their hearts, no matter how ridiculous or how "wrong" the outsiders might see it. If we keep this in mind it's easier to understand each and every individual's personal insanity. We all slip and fall at times...it IS human nature. here are people facing REAL pain (the betrayeds) and the OPs should really stay in their place A person in pain is a person in pain, in most cases it is the same person who is inflicting that chronic pain onto themselves regardless of the circumstance. Being able to recognize that is half the battle. I don't think "pain" discriminates though humans do...
Freedom Now Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I haven't read the thread that you posted with Chump in it... But she and I are friends now. Go figure: an OW and a BS friends. She is doing well, BTW.
Tomcat33 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I haven't read the thread that you posted with Chump in it... But she and I are friends now. Go figure: an OW and a BS friends. She is doing well, BTW. I like that story I am in the process of much the same....that just goes to show that comradery is sometimes less to do with shared experiences and more to do with a kinship between two individual's characters. I know I have met people who's personalities just did not mesh with mine and as civil as I can be towards them I would NEVER become friends with them no matter how much we seem to have in common. Some personalities just annoy me others inspire me.
PoshPrincess Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I have to say that, as an exOW, I am grateful for (most of) the advice I get from the BSs on this board. Obviously some comments are quite nasty and although I haven't had any directed at me personally I do feel a need to fight the OW corner. As TomCat said, 'human nature'. Reading your post IWWH, I can appreciate how annoying it must be to receive 'advice' from the OP, but most of us are only trying to help by giving an objective viewpoint. As a BS I have trouble empathizing with OW in some of their heartbreak threads. I think, you knew what you were getting and now you are willing to blame everyone but yourself for your pain. Speaking from my own experience, I know that when I have posted on here I have never expected sympathy from the BS and neither do I think I deserve it. I initially came here for advice from other people in the same sitch as me and to read other people's similar experiences. I was in usch turmoil at the time that I didn't know where else I could turn. It IS good to hear from the BS sometimes, all the same. It has certainly opened my eyes as to how much bullsh*t the MM can come out with to both parties - the lies they tell us and the lies they tell their BS. I have to say though I DO feel like shouting at the BSs who say things like "I know H was to blame but SHE was the one who did all the chasing!" Says who? The LYING CHEATING H? I don't want to do this to hurt the BS but to open THEIR eyes and also to make them realise that not all us OW are predatory. I guess they don't need to hear that though! I also have read some BS threads where I am fairly familiar with the poster and I can realize from the thread or even my own offboard knowledge that this person is in crisis and along comes an OW who says the most hateful hurtful things. I'm thinking NO NO, you don't understand, she's not ok right now, save it for later. I don't think it's necessary to say anything hateful and hurtful to a BS whatsoever. After all, they are the ones who have been unknowingly wronged (plus OW who didn't know their man was married). However, if I got a nasty comment from a BS about how totally immoral, etc us OW are, I WOULD feel the need to bite back. Sorry, I think I am kind of reiterating what I said in the first paragraph. I'm getting a bit carried away Knowing that these forums are open though we take our chances when we post. Of course, if we come on here asking for advice, we should take it on the chin, good or bad. But not nasty. Although being an OW I am well aware that I deserve ALMOST everything that's thrown at me here. I can only say in my defence that I have learned my lesson, that I am sorry, and that I have no one to blame for my unhappiness other than myself.
Recommended Posts