bebegal Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I am in long distance relationship (first one ever).. we live opposite ends of the coast. The thing is that we are moving pretty quickly and someone..eventually is going to have to move (I have a feeling it will have to be me In the beginning--he had said he wasn't opposed to moving to where I am.. and now things have changed and he said he really does not want to. Another problem is that whenever I bring up anything to do with the future.. (even the upcoming weekend) he freaks out. If I talk about one of us having to move.. if I talk about weekend plans.. anything at all he gets upset. I don't understand why he gets so mad but I get the feeling that if I don't stop.. he is going to end things. I just need help doing so. Also-- we spend about 1-2 hours on the phone each day so when we run out of things to talk about-- I bring up the future.. again maybe the weekend or when our next visit will be etc etc. Is it fair that he gets so mad about making future plans or discussing the future? What am I supposed to talk about.. and will our relationship last if we cut back the phone calls in order to avoid discussing the future? Any suggestions on how I can keep my mouth and mind away from discussing the future and focusing on the now???
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 In my experience, LDR takes a longer time than "normal" relationships to reach the stage of "let's just move in and be together". How long have you been with this guy? I'm asking because LDR is a whole different ballgame. If this is your first ever, then you'll learn how people can say all kinds of stuff when they're at a distance, but have trouble living up to those words in person. To be honest, I don't think most people are cut out for LDR. Not that I have anything against long distance relationships - I think it's one of the better tests of sincerity, perseverance, and the determination to make things work, if the person is right. But like I said, not many people are cut out for it. And not many will show the willingness to compromise some things and reach a middle "happy spot". Bebegal, you're not wrong at all in bringing up the future. In fact, it's better to bring it up now - you'll see how much he's willing to give to the relationship. Some people are just not the "giving" type. It's their nature. Better to know his "emotional budget" right now, than moving all the way for his sake and then getting an unpleasant surprise. Another thing: it's not easy to uproot everything from one place and move (and this holds true for both of you). In that sense, unless both of you are equally intent on being together, and have similar ideas on how you'll overcome all the obstacles, the move won't benefit either of you. So don't force it, please.
euronumber Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 keep the phone calls shorter and take notes during the day of things you want to share with him. So, when you do talk for 1 hour (not 2) you won't forget things. That's what I do and it helps the conversation going and staying off the future topic. He's just a bit scared and you are moving at a different pace - that's all; don't read into it and try to enjoy the now - good luck
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