bebegal Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I am in long distance relationship (first one ever).. we live opposite ends of the coast. The thing is that we are moving pretty quickly and someone..eventually is going to have to move (I have a feeling it will have to be me In the beginning--he had said he wasn't opposed to moving to where I am.. and now things have changed and he said he really does not want to. Another problem is that whenever I bring up anything to do with the future.. (even the upcoming weekend) he freaks out. If I talk about one of us having to move.. if I talk about weekend plans.. anything at all he gets upset. I don't understand why he gets so mad but I get the feeling that if I don't stop.. he is going to end things. I just need help doing so. Also-- we spend about 1-2 hours on the phone each day so when we run out of things to talk about-- I bring up the future.. again maybe the weekend or when our next visit will be etc etc. Is it fair that he gets so mad about making future plans or discussing the future? What am I supposed to talk about.. and will our relationship last if we cut back the phone calls in order to avoid discussing the future? Any suggestions on how I can keep my mouth and mind away from discussing the future and focusing on the now??? Thanks so much
johan Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 You are trying to trade your legitimate desires in for a boyfriend, and you'll also try to adopt his preferences for your own. Are you sure that that's a worthwhile trade? Speaking for myself, in his shoes, if I was crazy about you, and you mentioned the future and showed that kind of faith in us, I would be far from upset. I'd be ecstatic. So I think you should ask yourself what you're willing to put on the trading block in exchange for a guy who isn't interested in discussing a future with you.
Author bebegal Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 I didn't think of it from that perspective. I kind of thought I was rushing things as we have only been together over a month
cbl Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I didn't think of it from that perspective. I kind of thought I was rushing things as we have only been together over a month Oh well... then relax. How much do you know about this guy already to consider moving in with him? What does he do? Does he have a passion for his job (or school)? Where does he see himself in the next five years or ten years down the road? Is he religious? What's his passions outside of work/school? Football games? Computer geeks? How does he plan his leisure times? Do you guys share common interests? What's his political views? Which books does he read lately? Talk to him about the last movie you went; the latest concert you've been to; your nights out with girl friends or even single guys; tell him your values about money and family (but NOT how many kids that you want to have with him. Not yet) If there're gaps in how you two see yourselves in this relationship, it's time for you to close the gaps. Getting to know each other in a deeper level will be a good start.
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