laura20 Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Long story: We met in 2005...we had GREAT chemistry....loved the same things...it was cool....very early he told me that he had just broken up with his 10 yr old son's mother...but he was still living with her...I tried ending the relationship (because of that and because I am jealous of other people's kids - I don't know why) but I was really heavily involved emotionally by that time...a couple of weeks later he moved out of her house....and then he started staying over until he finally moved in....we fought a lot but loved each other a lot...I do admit to becoming mad and throwing him out all the time...he said he hated that and this is why he ended the rel with his son's mother....one day we got into a bad argument because he was going to her house because her family was in town and his son asked him to go...I knew she wanted to get back with him so I got very mad and I said it's either me or them....and I threw him out.... I felt SO SAD and depressed because I felt I overreacted....the next day I called him and pretty much begged him to come back....he said he didn't know and would say he'll call back soon...sometimes days would go by....sometimes I would call him again and he wouldn't answer his phone.....I felt he had someone else so one day I made up a story about me seeing him with another girl....he admitted that he had been seeing someone(and he practically lived with her..). I was SO devastated...I got a horrible panic attack...then I decided it was time to stop the pain. I changed my phone number and moved . I avoided contact for months at a time....after this he started following me, stalking me at work, creeping in through my window, calling my mom and my friends asking them to talk to me.... Eventually the love and loneliness got to me...he said that he didn't love this girl and he told her that we were going to get back together...so we did. Soon afterwards we broke up...AGAIN. Then I started seeing someone....he found out and I lied about it...although we weren't together I didn't want to hurt him.... We eventaully got back together but he was always throwing the guy in my face...BUT HE DID THE SAME THING !!! We broke up again. Then 6 months went by....no communication...I wasn't dating...and then he followed me one day to the store. We talked and he said that he loved me and was miserable without me. He said he wanted us to get married. I really felt he was being sincere....and I still loved him....so I married him. The first month was great...then I lost my income and things got hard financially. Things between us got tense. He would talk crap every time he had to pay for something and I felt he wasn't happy. I would ask but he said he would tell me if he was unhappy. Then one day I asked him to pay a bill and he dropped the bomb that his son was coming for the summer...he didn't even ask if I could watch him or if it was ok. I felt unappreciated. We argued and I said mean things about the kid and he said mean things about me. Then he asked if I wanted him to leave...I said it would probably be best if he did. He started packing his stuff....I tried stopping him...but he rejected me...this happened 3 weeks ago...he left me with no money...he took both of our wedding rings...he EVEN took the new case of DIET COKE !!!! I've talked to him a couple of times since then....he hasn't asked to get back...I told him I was seeing someone to make him mad... Because of the rejection in our first breakup I didnt want to ask to get back together..I didn't want to have him say no and drive me into another panic attack....but today he called and I made myself vulnerable...asked...DO YOU WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER? HE said HELL NO....his excuse being that I am "seeing" someone else....I explained I was mad and was trying to make him mad...he said he loves me more than anything and wouldn't want anything more than to get back together....but he said I have "issues" and he's tired of dealing with them. I said ok...that's what I wanted to know and hung up. I am very devastated...anxious...hurt...angry..sad...but I feel I am not 100% at fault... Is he playing mind games? I don't want to be treated this way...I tried and was willing to get back together...but he said HELL NO....Do I move on? HOW DO I MOVE ON? I DON"T WANT TO HURT NO MORE
Melovator Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 ery early he told me that he had just broken up with his 10 yr old son's mother...but he was still living with her...I tried ending the relationship (because of that and because I am jealous of other people's kids - I don't know why) one day we got into a bad argument because he was going to her house because her family was in town and his son asked him to go...I knew she wanted to get back with him so I got very mad and I said it's either me or them....and I threw him out.... Then one day I asked him to pay a bill and he dropped the bomb that his son was coming for the summer...he didn't even ask if I could watch him or if it was ok. I felt unappreciated. We argued and I said mean things about the kid and he said mean things about me. but he said I have "issues" and he's tired of dealing with them. I said ok...that's what I wanted to know and hung up. I am very devastated...anxious...hurt...angry..sad...but I feel I am not 100% at fault... Is he playing mind games? I don't want to be treated this way...I tried and was willing to get back together...but he said HELL NO....Do I move on? HOW DO I MOVE ON? I DON"T WANT TO HURT NO MORE Get counselling- I'm going to sound mean here but I'm presuming your young (early 20's at most) and you don't understand that once you have a child they have to come first and that means his child has to come before you. Children do not get to choose the circumstances of their lives, they didn't ask to be born. If you are jealous of a ten year old and resent his father having anything to do with his son and say mean things about a CHILD then you do have some issues and shouldn't be in a relationship with a man who has a child. I'm not saying he's not a jerk and hasn't treated you badly BUT this is clearly not the man for you. Yes move on- get counselling, work on yourself. If you can't get over your jealousy issues about other people's children then have relationships with men who don't have them because otherwise you will be harming those children. And you'll be harming yourself becuse if they are decent men they will put their kids ahead of you and you will be hurt. On the other hand if they're not decent men, and neglect their children for your relationship why would you want to be with that kind of person? Sorry if I'm harsh, you have the ability to make choices about how to live your life, children don't. I don't know HOW you move on- I'm still doing it myself, but it seems to be a bit like putting a puzzle together, sorting through the pieces and finding out which ones fit and which ones don't. You have to remove his pieces from your life and make your own picture out of it all. I wish you all the best.
azianpride143 Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 If you get involved with a man who has a child then you must be willing to accept this child into your life. Especially when it starts to become serious. It's a two for one deal. No if's no but's. You cannot make him choose between you and his child. You will end up getting hurt if you do. In my case, I would kick you to the curb rather than give up my kids. Be happy your out of that crazy relationship and stay out. Sounds like a "restraining order" may be needed for you to make sure your protected from this crazy man. For now take Melovator's suggestion to go get yourself some help. You need to work on your self first. You seem to have some mental/emotional issues you need to work out and resolve before you can even get into another relationship. Plus you need time to get over him.
Author laura20 Posted June 21, 2007 Author Posted June 21, 2007 Thank you for your replies and well thought out answers....I really needed this support... So you both agree that he was not the man for me and I am better off now? It sounds silly considering all the drama...but it's hard to analyze the situation when you are the one in it....
Melovator Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I'm sorry from what you've said he's not the man for you. At the very least he's a jerk and that's aside from the kid issue. It hurts being in all the pain, but its a good time to think about you and your relationship with yourself. Because if you're not in a good relationship with yourself, you can't have good relationships with others, you'll just end up in another bad one because you'll sell yourself, and the other person, short. Don't sell yourself short, work out how to be the best you can be, not for anyone else but yourself. And there are people out there whose job it is to help you work that out, they don't do the work though, you still gotta do that...
Og fool Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 While I am not an expert this guy sounds like a retard. Here is my take on dating people with kids. One of my primary concerns when I used to date or when I will again soon. I don't like kids, kids don't like me. Kid's get in the way when you want to have intercourse with their mother. You have to plan your dates around their kids. Then when you do plan a date they bring the kid and that again interferes with any intercourse that may happen that night. I dated a girl that worked for me that had a kid a few years ago. After about 7 or 8 dates it was late and she invited me to spend the night. I start taking off my shirt and pants turn around and the ****ing kids is in the bed with her. She says "isn't this cute, my little retard wants to snuggle with us". Almost immediately my erection dissapeared and I went back downstairs to watch TV and drink beer. Last time that will happen. Besides that the kids father will almost always enter the picture at some point or all the time. Then if/when you see him you're reminded that he probably hit that ass more times than you ever will and didn't have to use protection!
funkybassplayer Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 I half lived with a girl with 3 kids, you do give up loads and the mum always sleepy and yes the dad is always there but i loved them. I thought the above post was funny though!! Its true the dad must have had a much fresher women with firmer breasts than i did!
thelittlespoon Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Long story: We met in 2005...we had GREAT chemistry....loved the same things...it was cool....very early he told me that he had just broken up with his 10 yr old son's mother...but he was still living with her...I tried ending the relationship (because of that and because I am jealous of other people's kids - I don't know why) but I was really heavily involved emotionally by that time...a couple of weeks later he moved out of her house....and then he started staying over until he finally moved in....we fought a lot but loved each other a lot...I do admit to becoming mad and throwing him out all the time...he said he hated that and this is why he ended the rel with his son's mother....one day we got into a bad argument because he was going to her house because her family was in town and his son asked him to go...I knew she wanted to get back with him so I got very mad and I said it's either me or them....and I threw him out.... I felt SO SAD and depressed because I felt I overreacted....the next day I called him and pretty much begged him to come back....he said he didn't know and would say he'll call back soon...sometimes days would go by....sometimes I would call him again and he wouldn't answer his phone.....I felt he had someone else so one day I made up a story about me seeing him with another girl....he admitted that he had been seeing someone(and he practically lived with her..). I was SO devastated...I got a horrible panic attack...then I decided it was time to stop the pain. I changed my phone number and moved . I avoided contact for months at a time....after this he started following me, stalking me at work, creeping in through my window, calling my mom and my friends asking them to talk to me.... Eventually the love and loneliness got to me...he said that he didn't love this girl and he told her that we were going to get back together...so we did. Soon afterwards we broke up...AGAIN. Then I started seeing someone....he found out and I lied about it...although we weren't together I didn't want to hurt him.... We eventaully got back together but he was always throwing the guy in my face...BUT HE DID THE SAME THING !!! We broke up again. Then 6 months went by....no communication...I wasn't dating...and then he followed me one day to the store. We talked and he said that he loved me and was miserable without me. He said he wanted us to get married. I really felt he was being sincere....and I still loved him....so I married him. The first month was great...then I lost my income and things got hard financially. Things between us got tense. He would talk crap every time he had to pay for something and I felt he wasn't happy. I would ask but he said he would tell me if he was unhappy. Then one day I asked him to pay a bill and he dropped the bomb that his son was coming for the summer...he didn't even ask if I could watch him or if it was ok. I felt unappreciated. We argued and I said mean things about the kid and he said mean things about me. Then he asked if I wanted him to leave...I said it would probably be best if he did. He started packing his stuff....I tried stopping him...but he rejected me...this happened 3 weeks ago...he left me with no money...he took both of our wedding rings...he EVEN took the new case of DIET COKE !!!! I've talked to him a couple of times since then....he hasn't asked to get back...I told him I was seeing someone to make him mad... Because of the rejection in our first breakup I didnt want to ask to get back together..I didn't want to have him say no and drive me into another panic attack....but today he called and I made myself vulnerable...asked...DO YOU WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER? HE said HELL NO....his excuse being that I am "seeing" someone else....I explained I was mad and was trying to make him mad...he said he loves me more than anything and wouldn't want anything more than to get back together....but he said I have "issues" and he's tired of dealing with them. I said ok...that's what I wanted to know and hung up. I am very devastated...anxious...hurt...angry..sad...but I feel I am not 100% at fault... Is he playing mind games? I don't want to be treated this way...I tried and was willing to get back together...but he said HELL NO....Do I move on? HOW DO I MOVE ON? I DON"T WANT TO HURT NO MORE If your relationship isn't good to begin with, getting married is not going to fix things. Good lord!
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