Old emails, new pain

[smwhtshy]

So, LS has been great with the advice about reading old emails, letters, etc. and I've followed it exactly. Even set up a new folder titled "lookatlater" and stuck everything in it. Its been almost three months since the breakup, and I actually have had an almost two week string of not crying (well, a little).

 

Today, I'm looking through the "work" email vs, personal, and found an old email she sent me that I had missed moving out of my inbox. I thought, what the heck, I'm feeling so much better, I'll read it. BIG MISTAKE...! Take my advice, any of you that are still even hurting a little bit, just reading this note took me back weeks. She sent it while on a overseas business trip (what luck I'd mistakenly find that one), and it was full of how much she missed me, how she couldn't wait to "be" with me again, how she wishes I was there, how she wanted to run up and kiss me at the airport so her colleagues would know I was her BF. God, it just got that roller coaster stomach started with me, and the tears..geez, I'm a baby I guess.

 

I don't expect feedback so much, as just want to reiterate to any of you dumpees that are feeling better (which is great), and thinking your getting there (and you are), that if you come across an old email, or valentine card, or anything like that, PUT IT AWAY somewhere, and forget about it. The person that wrote that wonderful loving note is gone, and doesn't love you anymore...no matter how much you wish they would, or how sad or heartsick you are, you can't make them love you again...its so so sad...hope I'm not busting anyone's bubble who is waiting for the "big return"...but at least in my case, its not ever going to happen...I think even if she did come back, I could never love her like I did when she wrote me that note, the pain she has brought on me has wiped out (at least for now) the sweet stuff. God, this is hard...after three months, my heart is back to maybe square three...(on a scale of 1 to 10)...

[WhiteKnight]

Unfortunately in some cases this would be right, sadly this is how sometimes looking at the past really digs the person down deeply right within the heart and mind.

 

Sharing some experience here, when I started a new relationship with my current partner that we have been going out for nearly 10 months now. I had a look back at one person's email and it was my ex-gf.

 

My current partner saw me reading it and she looked at me wondering until she noticed I raised an eyebrow and shook my head in disgust about my ex's email.

 

The email that my ex wrote was neutral but at the same time it sounded like she had strong feelings for me again and all of a sudden feeling that she was too clingy of me. She didn't want to let me go apparently...

 

When I had fallen in love with my new partner, I had to get over what my ex-gf did and I knew the facts that she is married and should not have cheated on her own husband twice. A lesson learnt I suppose but I walked away completely after betraying her own trust etc as the story goes but in the end I ended up drifting further and further away from her, forcing myself to run away from her as I wanted everything to end. That is, the friendship as well but she insisted that she wanted a friendship so I kept it and shrugged it off in a sense that I never initiate a conversation with her anymore. If she talks to me, I reply but I act like I don't care anymore.

 

One of my friends dropped me the hint that she wanted to see me care about her again but the response I gave was... "Its not as simple as you think or say it would be... as the person was treacherous to herself and her husband and getting her friends involved, I simply just accept and move on with or without her support. I just don't care anymore."

 

Not caring about your ex feels good in a sense that any emotions that may arise, you would not hesitate to reveal the truth in a manner of how you understand it. However at the same time not caring about your ex relies on how you react neutrally with her/her, somtimes you find yourself in the position that you want to be out of their sight and don't want to get involved with anything. Sometimes not caring has its own flaws but in a manner of you don't want to fall into the trap of being 'used' as a fallback option or support, try to stay tough about it in a way that you don't want your emotions toil with you.

 

To tell ya the truth, I kept all of my ex-gf's emails, messages, pictures and perhaps some memories stored somewhere where I can only find and access it. In some ways I just want to remember the good things but I don't look on how she broke up with me, or how I betrayed her and what her conditions are. I just simply moved on and forget about them.

 

Pretty much its like shoving them in the archives and whenever it comes to a certain situation where you run into your ex again and approaches you, at least you have something to say along the lines of... "Please don't repeat what you did in the past with me. If you honestly want to get along with me, just treat me right as your friend."

 

*shrugs* I rarely look in my past ex-gf's stuff nowadays. She will just have to accept and move on.

 

I was asked once by my partner, "Do you mind if she talks to you now? Have you healed?"

 

My response... "Fully healed, not yet until when we are married and besides I'm more dedicated in this relationship with you rather than having my ex go simple crazy about what she can or can't have of me. Furthermore I honestly don't care if she talked to me or not, maybe one day she would get the hint that I already removed her from my chat programs list to where I can't see her or initiate the conversation with her. If she wants a friendship with me, its her choice alone and I don't care even she doesn't talk to me at all."

 

My partner was happy about this because it was showing that I am very loyal to the relationship and her own curiosity about me not worrying about my ex anymore. Simply shows that even my ex does decide to speak to me, I don't have plans on anything to do with her in the future just yet.

 

I just have to say one thing, try not to look in the past emails about what you and your ex had. Its all now a memory and you both had gone your seperate ways, sometimes it might be a learning experience for you both but that's all you could really gain up from it.